You just don’t give up, do you? Just so you know; I think you are an irritating, annoying you-know-what. You nag and nag that I should tell you about myself. You don’t even know why I don’t want to tell you!1
Everybody always saw me as a quiet, well-behaved person. My friends saw me as someone who is always happy. They all just accepted everything at face value. They were so concerned about keeping themselves happy that they never saw when others were in need. I always had to be there for them, no matter what. No one cared about me. No one!2
I lived a life of loneliness. My friends only knew me when they needed me. One day, while I was busy cutting meat, my so-called best friend phoned. When I answered, she insisted that I come to her house immediately to help her die her hair. I told her that I was busy, to which she replied “You’re my best friend aren’t you?”3
Red-hot anger rose in me. Suddenly I had images of plunging the butchers knife I was holding into her stomach. Images where I cut out her heart, throwing it in her face. The sound of her voice jerked me back to reality; guilt flushed through me. That was the beginning of the end.4
The hate that had festered in me for so long now came out at night. I fantasized about what I could do to all these people to whom I was an accessory. Along with this there was also a growing sense of emptiness.5
As time progressed the hatred in me strengthened. The fantasies became more and more brutal. In one, I tied up my best friend; took a knife and started skinning her. There was also one where I tied her up, spilled some petrol on her and ignited it.6
That day everything just went wrong. Everybody was angry with me, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. We were sitting in the English class, admiring my best friend’s butchers knife. The teacher suddenly started shouting at me. I still don’t know why.7
At once my fantasies were back. In my mind I saw how I am mutilating the teacher with the knife. Stabbing her in the stomach, cutting her throat, spilling her blood.8
I suddenly awoke from the fantasy. My hands were covered in blood. They told me that I murdered the teacher. Everyone abandoned me. Even the fantasies. 9
You see, I didn’t want to tell you about the real me, because my soul dies that day. My fantasies finally came true, but the price I had to pay was high. The real me is now simply a void.10
You know, it’s my birthday today. No one remembered. I am dead to everyone. I even wrote a poem about myself.11
This morning I woke up12
The sun shining, the birds singing.13
As I lay there, a thousand thoughts 14
Flashed through my mind15
Seventeen years I lived on this earth,16
The eighteenth starting today.17
In years to come, I could become a doctor.18
I could be a second Newton or Einstein,19
Maybe even a second Beethoven or Mozart.20
The whole day at home I was.21
In the future I could be so much,22
But now I am dead.23
This morning I woke up, 24
The sun shining, the birds singing.25
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
wow... this definately seems to be coming from the mind of a madman! Fantastic job! The best of all, I think... is that when I first started reading this... I thought this person was goign to be a victim... of rape, murder, what not....
Then, as I continued reading, I saw the change take over, and realized this was from the perspective of the killer. This was very well done!
just one small thing. first line, next to last paragraph... that should probably be 'soul died that day'.
Great write!!! -
Thank you for your entry...I like how dark it was and how relatable...I feel you could have developed it a bit more, though. Good luck!
-crimsonshadow- -
Well this is an attention grabber really dark...really cool....really awesome thoughts of how to murder
good luck
-
Oh I know about that mistake, and each time I think that I should correct it, but i keep forgetting! thanks for mentioning
-
and... I think
because my soul dies that day
this should be
because my soul died that day... -
You could also make it shorter...
cool... I wish we would do things like this
Edited on Jan 01, 12:03 because ''. -
I think I should actually take the poem out, it's just a little too much.
I've never been to a shrink either, this was for English class
-
I like the story, but the poem is... less good.
The total thing is still great ^^ But I just wanted to say that... Hehe I've never been to psych... but I think I'd be like this the first few times...
Love,
Lian -
Excellent
I think I've had a few of these dreams and felt dead to everyone too at times. Weaving together your poem with the story to me really gave it an extra dramatic quality. It was truly masterful. -
Very good
Wow this is a really good wirte. Shocking and very unique of style. I can't believe she murdered her teacher while she was daydreaming. But then again she could be suffering from a mental issue. Anyways good job with the write. I really like reading it.
Casey -
first of all, let me say thanks for the comment on my poem 'through the eyes of a girl'!!! and.........
oh my gosh...this is so incredibly amazing.
so dark and depressing and emotional, i have no other words to describe it other than amazing.
i usually hate short stories, but this was fantastic! It has an intriguing start, a great middle and an unbelievable end, it was just fantastic...serisouly, great write, i am going to read more of your stuff now...lol! -
This was realy good ..you could have been writing about me!
-
Thank you for your comment on my poem. This was really good, usually I don't like short stories... but I liked this one. I noticed that you switch verb tenses which was somewhat distracting, and you had "die" when you meant "dye" but overall it was really good.
-
This was dark and interesting from what I usually read. The details were vivid and the story really caught my attention. You did a great job! Thanks for commenting on my story.
~Jessica~ -
wow this is good! i can see the power in this!!! well written, good job
its weird how you have wrote that the dreams are true, its like a story/film, i am impressed!!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
