Love Game: Ch. 1: Always Arguing

LOVE GAME: 1

CH. 1 ALWAYS ARGUING:2

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SAPHIRE'S POV:5

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"Shut up!" I screamed. 8

"Why should I?" Odd asked. 9

"'Cause I said so!" I said. 10

"Well, why should I listen to you?" he asked me. 11

"You're so rude!" I replied. 12

Odd and I had started our day, as we did everyday, aruging. 13

"I regret the day I came here! I should have stayed in New York!" Odd cried. 14

"Oh look at me, I'm so rich and snooty! I like to boss people around!" I mocked.  15

I was very good at mocking people, mostly Odd. The reason I always mocked him was because I knew it annoyed him. Which is why I did almost every day. 16

He grabbed my arm and held it tight and said, "I am not snooty!" 17

"Don't touch me!" I said. 18

"Oh, really? What will you do? You can't do anything to me, you're a girl!" he challenged. 19

I shoved him away and he fell to the ground, he layed there. 20

"Never underestimate my strenght!" I said. 21

I started to get a bit worried, when he wasn't getting up. I went over to him and knelt to the ground. I shook his shoulder, but he didn't stir. 22

"Ohhh!!!!!! This isn't good!" I said, groaning.23

I shook his shoulder harder. 24

"Odd, are you ok?" I asked nervously. 25

I was really worried now, suddenly I felt a tug on my braided hair and I heard Odd laughing. 26

"Hahahaha!!! You thought I was really hurt!" exclaimed Odd. 27

"You are so... uhhhhh!!!!" I cried. 28

I started to leave, but Odd pulled my arm back and said, "Never underestimeate my awesomeness!" 29

"That's not even a word!" I said. 30

"Doesn't matter, I'm still awesome!" he boasted. 31

"Yeah, you're so awesome!" I said sarcatically. 32

"And I'm also very strong!" said Odd, clearly ignoring my sarcasm. 33

"Yeah, right. I'm stronger than you!" I told him. 34

"Oh, really?" he asked.35

He twisted my arm and I screamed in pain. He eventaully let go, when he saw some girls. 36

"Hey, ladies!" he said as they giggled and left. 37

I punched Odd's arm and looked away. 38

"Ow, what was that for?" he asked. 39

I had thought of a plan to get Odd back. Odd noticed the tears in my eyes and saw me rubbing my arm. 40

"Saph? Saphire, don't cry." he tried to calm me down, but that only made me cry more. 41

"No, no, It's ok." he said, still trying, and not succeeding.42

He held my arm and looked at it. 43

"I didn't twist it too hard, did I?" he asked me. 44

I pulled her arm away and cried harder, Odd noticed people were starting to stare. 45

"Saph, please stop crying. I'll do anything, just stop crying!" 46

I turned to face him. 47

"Anything?" I asked. 48

"Yes." 49

"Would you wear girl clothes for an entire day?" I asked grinning and wiping away my tears. 50

"What?!" he practically shouted. 51

"You think that I would really cry out in public and besides that didn't even hurt!" 52

He started chasing me, I ran and laughed. But, immediately stopped when I saw granny. 53

"What's with all the running, girly?" she asked. 54

"Nothing granny. Just... um... trying to get in shape." I managed to stutter. 55


"Well, you should try harder, you're like a stick. If you stay this skinny, people will start to think we don't feed ya." she said. 56

As she continued talking, Odd was making bunny ears behind her and mocking her. I tried hard not to laugh, but I couldn't help it. 57

"What's so funny?" she asked. 58

"Nothing, granny." I said. 59

Granny didn't like me very much, she was my dad's mom. She liked Sissi better. Sissi was my best friend. She lived with us, because her mom and dad are both dead. 60

Anyway, granny turned around and saw Odd behind her. 61

"Well, hello Odd." she said. 62

"Hey, Ms. Stonez!" he said, glad she didn't catch him mocking her. 63

"Call me granny, everyone does." she croaked. 64

"Ok." he nodded. 65

"Why don't you come in and have some lunch?" she asked him. He said, "Sure." 66

I heard enough, so I went inside and began eating dry cereal and watching t.v. 67

"Saphire!" Granny cried for me. 68

"Yes, granny." I answered to her call. 69

"Make our guest some lunch!" she commanded. 70

"Yes, granny." I said again. 71

I got up and brushed past Odd to get to the kitchen, the reason I had to brush past him was because he was in my way. I think he did it on purpose. Anyway, I brought them both cookies and tea. Odd dropped his tea on the floor- on purpose. 72

"Sorry." he said to my granny. 73

"Oh, don't worry, Saphire will clean it up." she said knowingly. 74

I sighed and got down on the floor, with a rag I cleaned up the spill. I looked at Odd through the corner of my eye and he winked at me. After I finished cleaning, I washed the rag and went into my room. I didn't want Odd to see me crying, so I shut the door.

Author notes

THE WHOLE STORY IS IN SAPHIRE'S POV & THE SEQUEL IS IN ODD'S POV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I GOT THIS IDEA FROM A DREAM I HAD A COUPLE WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!
I KNOW THE CH. IS VERY LONG & THE ENDING IS CONFUSING, BUT I JUST DIDN'T KNOW HOW 2 END IT. THERE WAS MORE 2 IT, BUT THEN IF I ADDED IT, IT WOULD SEEM MORE OF A STORY, INSTEAD OF A CH.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;D

In a list

A contest entry

WHAT WILL SAPHIRE DO WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH? & WHAT WILL SISSI DO WHEN SHE FINDS OUT THAT HER BFF IS IN LOVE WITH HER HUSBAND-2-B?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • SableOrchid gold member
    November 24
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Yes, I think this is quite good, and I thought you ended it well.

    Note: I noticed you've changed some of the words in this chapter to what other people told you to. I think that, while you should perhaps take their advice on board, you should still write it all yourself, the way you want to. Rather than just letting other people tell you exactly what to do. I personally wouldn't follow ANYONE'S advice about my writing!

    Other people have pointed out a few little writing errors in earlier comments, so I'm not going to do that. I'll just say that, overall, I thought you did well!


  • XMusicXIsXMyXLifex
    November 17
    Edit | Reply
    nice story i like it


  • Marisalyn13
    November 13
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    Alright, first with te criticism. Your dialogue was cute, but it was confusing. When you use dialogue, you're supposed to indent when a new person is speaking.
    Example:
    "Happy Birthday, Annie!" Everyone jumped out as Annie entered the room.
    "Oh, guys, thank you," she gushed, "Thank you so much!"
    "We made cookies!"
    "My favorite!"
    "And brownies!"
    "My second favorite!"
    "And got a lot of pink balloons!"
    "Ooooh ... pink is my favorite color!" Annie squealed.
    "And here is your cake!"
    Annie gasped, as she saw the giant cake with pink frosting.

    I made it a bit long so you could get the idea of indenting.

    Anyway, this is a cute story. Did you know who else got their story from a dream? Stephanie Meyers, the author who wrote Twilight. She dreamnt of the meadow scene, chapter 13 in the book, so I think ....

    In the end, this is a cute story! Good luck, great job, and thanks for entering!
    ~marisalyn13


  • MartialDemon
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    "Oh, really? What will you do? You can't do anything to me, you're a girl!" He challened. (Challenged, and, right after that where she shoved him, it's 'strength' just a few spelling mistakes you made )

    "Doesn't matter, I'm still awesome!" he bragged. (I think it should be, 'he boasted')

    "And I also very strong!" (I'm, )

    ____

    "Call me granny, everyone does." she croaked.

    "Ok." he nodded.

    "Why don't you come in and have some lunch?" she asked him. He said,

    "Sure."

    ___

    I heard enough, so I went inside and began eating dry cereal and watching t.v. "Saphire!" Granny cried for me.

    "Yes, granny." I answered to her call.

    "Make our guest some lunch!" she commanded.

    "Yes, granny." I said again. I got up and brushed past Odd to get to the kitchen, the reason I had to brush past him was because he was in my way. I think he did it on purpose. Anyway, I brought them both cookies and tea. Odd dropped his tea on the floor- on purpose.

    "Sorry." he said to my granny.

    "Oh, don't worry, Saphire will clean it up." she said knowingly.

    ___(I think that sounds better, you use 'said' a bit too much.)

    Other than that, you write quite well for your age, and the story kept me reading . Long? That wasn't long . It was short and well-done.

    ~MartialDemon

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.