Beowulf: Champion of Heorot

Long Ago…1

In the small town of Heorot, lived the peaceful people known only as the Vikings. The Vikings, you see, liked to party. And, in fact, they partied very long and very loudly. Far away from the party, however, lie in his dark cave the terrible monster Grendel, weeping in tears for not being invited. 2

Revenge had to be had! Entering the night like a silent scion of death and darkness, Grendel crept all the way to Heorot, ready to his vengeance. Grendel burst through the door. Oh no!3

He fought through man and beast, slaying all in his path until only the king of Heorot remained before him. “Who’s partying now?!” Grendel called out as he waded through the onslaught of beaten Vikings.4

It went about like this for four years, every night and every party ending the exact same way. Grendel had to be stopped.5

As the sun began to rise on the southern shore of Heorot’s sea, a small ship began to waver in the distance. “Who goes there?” Calls out the guard hand. As the ship grazes the shore, a mighty figure, tall and imposing, steps forward, his grizzled beard hanging three feet down from his chin and a mighty war-axe girded about his side.6

Suddenly, a light and cheery little yell comes from the group: “I am here! Right here- oh, step aside Wiglaf!” Beginning to be confused, the guardsman lowers his spear to the intruders, absolutely positive they no longer bear any threat. 7

The tall and imposing Viking steps aside, a scrawny little teenager with bedraggled hair and a glimmering short sword left in his stead. “And who are you?” The guard asks.8

The boy grins widely, his pearly white teeth glistening in the morning light. “Who am I? I… am Beowulf!” The boy unsheathes his blade and stabs it to the sky, the weight of the sword sending him plummeting face-first into the sand.9

And so it is that the guard took Beowulf and his band to the city of Heorot, and to it’s great and mighty king, to whom proved to be the only man who had survived facing the terrible monster Grendel. While the king sat on his throne, Beowulf strode proudly in, the rest of his merry band scattering off from behind his back -too embarrassed to be seen with him.10

The king had a stubby figure: short, fat, and plump. True, fat and plump and synonyms, but nevertheless they are best used to describe him. “I hear you have a monster.” Beowulf announces, plucking a grape from the vine as he paces about the room. All chatter goes silent.11

“Yes…” Replies the king, eyeing his queen to the left. “But you’re here to defeat Grendel. Oh burn.”12

“I felt that one.” Beowulf agrees.13

“Ouch.” Wiglaf adds.14

From a first glance the king liked Beowulf. Perhaps he reminded him of how he used to be. But nevertheless, not everyone was so fond of the Viking hero. From the crowd rose a very bad man, Unfirth. Unfirth was a naughty boy, and called Beowulf mean names and embarrassed him. 15

“You speak of my escapades in the sea with Brecca, eh?” Beowulf chances, beginning to pace around the room once more. “Why would you bring that up of all things? Oh, I know, because you’re stupid. It wasn’t my fault that I got attacked while swimming a cross-ocean race. I did what I had to do. I was in the middle of the ocean, and there was no other choice.”16

“Don't act like you're some sort of hero,” Unfirth interrupts, eyeing Beowulf and shaking his head. “You never made it half a mile off shore before passing out. Your blade got slippery from the water and you accidentally stabbed a sea monster when waving it at a seagul.” 17

Wiglaf chuckles, recalling the event himself. Perplexed, Beowulf shakes off Unfirth and calls out to the whole assembly: “That doesn’t matter! Tomorrow, Grendel meets its end.”18

And so it was that Beowulf invited Grendel to tea, the first time Grendel had been invited anywhere. Taking off his hat and suit-jacket upon entering the dining hall, Grendel took his place at Beowulf’s side, glaring at his father, the king’s, bold eyes from across the table.19

Beginning to reason with both parties, Beowulf persuades the King to begin inviting Grendel to all of Heorot’s parties and Grendel not to kill all the party guests. It is so happy!20

“I propose a toast!” Beowulf booms, unsheathing his blade and sweeping it to the sky. There is silence for a moment, then Grendel’s head plops off his shoulders. “My bad,” Beowulf whispers, recoiling.21

In time, Heorot became the peaceful place it had been before Grendel – no more murders or careless killings; the several random peasants that fell by Beowulf’s slippery sword aside. 22

The world was so happy… Until..23

BOOM! The countryside was set ablaze by fire, the stench of a thousand dead corpses filling the air with its lecherous odor. Whispers of a Dragon reached the ear of Beowulf deep in his grand dining hall. 24

It had been many years since Heorot's king had passed away, and now, King Beowulf was forced to return himself from retirement ready to fight the terrible monster. In all his years, he had never fought something so fearsome as what he was about to face. First the sea monsters, then Grendel, then his half-wit mother, the Hag. 25

Now Beowulf was very old- he and his friend Wiglaf both. They had grown old in the town of Heorot, the town they had saved from annihilation more than once. It was time now for them to save it again, and they weren’t looking forward to it.26

The last battle of Beowulf would be the greatest of all of his endeavors. With his army prepped and ready for battle, the mighty Geatish hero approached the entrance the terrible monster’s cave, sword held tightly in his hand.27

Upon approaching the cavern with his strongest soldiers, Beowulf was suddenly hurled over as the Dragon leapt from the cave, spewing flames everywhere and scorching Wiglaf’s beard. Beowulf lunged forward, swinging wildly and cutting the dragon into pieces before retiring. “My lord… are you alright?” Wiglaf calls from behind the cover of his shield.28

“I am here, Wiglaf! The foul beast is dead… as is my son.” 29

“Your son?” Wiglaf asks, lowering his shield to approach the champion. He eyes Beowulf, who is now petting the figure of the fallen Dragon. “What are you doing?”30

Beowulf does not reply- he simply stares deep into the eyes of the fallen beast, their shimmering reflection showing him how he used to be. “The Hag… she tricked me.”31

“The bag?” Wiglaf poses, completely and utterly confused.32

“No, the.. the…” Beowulf crumples, the heat of the previous battle proving too much for his old heart. He dies there in Wiglaf’s hands, the hope of all Heorot dying with him. And so Wiglaf rose to take on the title of ‘king,’ once more to complete the cycle.33

And it was, that that night, while he rested upon the shore of the ocean, that the bobbing figure of the Hag rose from the depths, still alive and as slutty as ever, her cunning smile sparking intrigue within the Viking's heart. She beckons to him. Raising to his feet and feeling her pull, Wiglaf takes a step forward, but stops. 34

“The Hag… she tricked me.” He remembers. Unsheathing his blade, Wiglaf lunges, because the heart of a champion never grows old.35