En Passant

Most people in the lower middle-class neighborhood of Warwick Avenue Heights know better than to go near the Passant house at the top of the hill. The pristine appearance of 1441 Warwick Avenue serves as too ill an omen for any neighborly family man to come knocking with a friendly invitation to a barbeque.1

The yard is always immaculate because on mornings like this one, on all Tuesdays and Fridays, the oldest two Passant boys, Rip and Pat, can be seen mowing, edging and sweeping before going to school. It is big yard, and their lawn mower has no motor.2

Thus it is no wonder why Pat, the middle Passant son, is so strong. At fifteen years old he is only 4'10" and 100 pounds, but he has made the starting team in every sport in his school. He is an excellent student, who always appears well dressed, well-mannered, charming and handsome. At least he appears this way when he is away from home.3

What sets Pat apart from most boys his age is that he loves school. He finds any excuse he can to stay out of his house as long as possible, yet the ending is always the same every day.4

At precisely 7:30 every evening the brawny, 6 foot 250 pound frame of Officer Joseph Harvey Passant steps out onto the patio of his house. This is his only appearance outside the house when he is not dressed in his Police uniform. 5

Wearing a sleeve-less white undershirt and a brown Stetson hat over his blue uniform slacks and polished black cowboy boots, he carries with him a belt in one hand and a pocket-watch in the other. Blowing one shrill, loud whistle, he looks at his pocket-watch, sits down on the barren patio's only stool and waits. No matter where Rip and Pat Passant are, they had better hear that whistle and get home in under five minutes if they don't want a public lashing. 6

As you may not have guessed, Pat is terrified of his father. Amongst his 2 brothers, it is always Pat that ruffles the whiskied feathers of Officer Joe the most. It is not at all uncommon for Pat and Rip to come to football practice in the morning with a fresh assortment of shiners and bruises. Officer Passant is two different men; when sober, he is a thoughtful, loving and devoted provider for his wife and kids, but when he is drunk (which is more often than not), he unleashes a merciless torrent of fury towards anyone around him--except his youngest son Gene, of course. Gene shares the same birthday with Officer Passant, May 5, and so he enjoys his father's overtly-generous favoritism along with a much lazier walk home (among other things) than the older two Passant boys. 7

Pat and Rip are not the only ones who fear their father's temper. In fact, anyone who comes across the man when he's in a rage is cowed-down in two seconds flat by either intimidation, or by the massive open palm of his right hand, whose middle finger is about as wide as a 50 cent piece!  Unfortunately, it is Jeanne Passant, Joe's wife, who receives the worst of his fury when he gets loaded. 8

Several times, Pat has distracted his father's fists away from his mother and onto himself. Rip only did so twice, and as a result, on both occasions he received a beating that is yet un-rivaled by any that Pat or Jeanne has ever received. The last time Rip wedged his skinny 6'3" frame between his parents, Officer Joe splintered a two-by-four over his back, and Rip spent a week in intensive care.9

This is the only way of life that Pat knows, and thus, he never shows any reservation to dressing out with the team before and after football practices. He assumes that the collective stares his bruises attract from his teammates correlate with the iconic status of being the starting half-back for the best Junior High football team in the district.10

Though his life at home is tragically harsh, Pat does not take lightly to assuming the role of a victim. Nor does Rip. They both, unlike Gene, enjoy enviable popularity at their school and have a massive amount of friends. Rip's popularity comes not from football like Pat's (he is 4th string on special teams and never sees any game-time), but from the undefeated boxing record he still defends every weekend in tournaments at the neighborhood boy's club a block away from their house. Everyone is amazed at how good he can fight, considering how thin his body is. Many massive, well-built, stocky guys who out-weigh Rip by 50 or more pounds have consistently kissed canvas after squaring off with his scrawny 6'4" frame for a round or two. Not only has Rip never been beaten in the three years he has been boxing, he has never won by TKO or a judges decision! 112-0, with 112 knockouts, 77 of them in the first minute and all of them inside of three rounds! Pat's best friend Gary Fowler is the only one who ever came close to beating Rip, and that was due to a lucky bolo-punch he landed in the first ten seconds that split Rip's lip open. Stunned with eyes like silver-dollars, Gary stood there with his gloves over his mouth while Rip took twenty seconds to recover. Rip took it without grudge (amazingly) and fought a fair fight for two more rounds before splaying Gary onto the canvas for the full count. Gary never took on Rip again after that day, but Pat was a bit more stubborn. 17 of Rip's wins were from fights against Pat, but Rip and Gary were the only ones he would ever be willing to fight in the ring...He had a tendency to treat any other challenger like an enemy in a fist-fight.11