Fare Thee Well

The silence separated us even more than the distance.1

“Are you still there?’ she asked.2

“I...uh, yeah…I’m still here. Congratulations.” I said forcing my voice to remain neutral as my soul, screaming and retching, absorbed the poison of her previous statement.3

“Is that all you have to say?”4

“I’m sure you’ll be happy. Have a…great..a wonderful life.” I was trying to sound upbeat, happy for her. 5

It was getting tougher to focus on the details of the conversation as a riotous internal conversation bloodily slashed at the tenuous chords of my emotional control. I dropped down to the carpet on my knees like some misguided penitent. 6

And again, the silence amplified the hopelessness I felt, accompanied me as I plunged, headlong, pain wracked into a void where the seam of my soul was being slit open.7

“So now you’re Jimmy Stewart wishing me a wonderful life?” she softly asked.8

“You made your choices, Iseult.” I replied.9

“Wasn’t supposed to be this way. You were supposed to protect me from all of this,” she said quietly.10

“Time was I tried, lass.”11

I had kissed her in a tree fort in the sixth grade. I was mad for her touch through the years, even now. Had a stiff neck from staring up at her on the pedestal where I placed her until... 12

She emerged from the chrysalis of her youth into a maelstrom of sex, drugs and rock and roll. All the while I plodded along on a course mostly bereft of excitement between the demands of school, sports, work and relatives. She was dazzled, drawn to the flaming excitement of big city lights. I was content with the familiar, warm glow of my family’s hearth.13

I am not blameless. I was sorely tempted, weakened and fell from grace. Mortal men cannot fly with the angels they pursue in their dreams. And, after my angel was sullied, she fell from the pedestal and shattered my dreams for us into shards that cut me from my quick. 14


“Time was, you loved me,” she challenged.15

Time is. I would never stop. No one ever stops loving their first love, not at all. At first, love was a worthy shield. It absorbed the indignities, deflected the cruel gossip, softened the harsh lies. But, though I swore there would never be, there was a limit. 16

I sank into a miasma of alcohol and tears. But my family’s love, along with a few well placed cuffs from my brothers, made me realize I could not dwell overlong in that comfortable haze, the sleepy, pathetic oblivion. So I turned and opened myself to the pain, as I did now.17

I countered, “Just so, and did I not think it was enough? But you seemed to want...more than I offered.” 18

And now the truth was upon us.19

“He’s not a bad sort, you’d like him,” she bravely said.20

“You always had good taste in men, doncha’ know,” I laughed and she did too.21

“At least one,” she tried to gaily reply, but a quiet sob caught in her throat.22

“Is there nothing I can do?” she finally asked.23

“Live well, be happy, it’s what I always wanted for you,” I answered.24

“But not enough to stop me. Not enough to take me for your own?” she wondered.25

“I’ve taken you into my heart long ago and there you’ll stay as long as it beats,” I promised. “But now there’s another who’ll soon be needing you and his father. And I won’t come between a man and his family.”26

And the silence erupted once more. And we tried not to let the other know as she quietly cried and my heart broke.27

“Goodbye, Seamus.”28

“God between you and harm, Iseult.”29

And when I heard the utter finality of the 'click' on the other end of the line, didn't I feel as if it might stop my heart. The silence came back a final time. I don’t know how I found the strength to return the receiver back to the cradle where it belonged.30

Author notes

Wish none of us had to go through the trauma of losing our 1st love, but life waits on no one. Even when she tells you she's carrying another man's child, and you finally lose the urge to choke the life out of her (just joking) she's still the embodiment of the exhiliration, the mad swirling passion of first love. Better to have enjoyed the ride and crash than never to know of the thrills.
Iseult (E suel) is a version of Isolde, the Irish Helen of Troy. This story is a variation of the Irish folktale of Tristan and Isolde, a tragic love story.

A contest entry

Is the past tense of the narrative and present tense of dialogue a problem?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
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Comments

1 - 26 of 26

  • MidnightEclipse gold member
    November 7

    Edit | Reply
    "I am not blameless. I was sorely tempted, weakened and fell from grace. Mortal men cannot fly with the angels they pursue in their dreams. And, after my angel was sullied, she fell from the pedestal and shattered my dreams for us into shards that cut me from my quick." I loved this paragraph.

    The last paragraph was a wonderful, touching way to end it.

    While I love a lot of what I read on this site, I can't say that a whole lot of them actually make me feel, touch me with the level of the emotion. This one did, and the author note just helped that along. Great job.


  • CinnaAgent11
    November 5
    Edit | Reply
    o that's sad! a lil' confusin, but not too much. good job!


  • NiteShayde silver member
    November 4

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. Im stunned by your masery of wording when it comes to alternative vocabulary. Very well articualted, but a bit confusing in some of the dialouge


  • LoveNick
    November 3
    Edit | Reply
    Can someone message me and make sure i read this...dont have chance now!

    • LoveNick
      November 3
      Edit | Reply
      Ok never mind! I just read it! Awesomeness! This is sooo good! Its gonna make me cry!!! But i still love it! =]


  • grampabob1946
    November 3

    Edit | Reply

    Terrific

    Okay, line 25.
    Did she say this into the phone or was she thinking it?
    If she was just thinking, I would take out the quotation marks and put the thought in italics.
    All together it's a nostalgic write worthy of Joyce.


    • seamus gold member
      November 3
      Edit | Reply

      Fare Thee Well

      Thanks for the kind remarks, but Joyce is a bit out of my league. Line 25 was spoken, but your note is valid. I should have put 'aloud' at the end of the sentence. Welcome to Over The Hill Gang, I read your canoe poem, but All Poetry makes it difficult to comment, it was fun.


  • Queen Mab gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    I didn't have any trouble reading it. Such a sad tale of loss. I admit I thought at first that it was a lifelong spouse leaving the other, the author's notes cleared up the misunderstanding for me.

    You write extremely well. Thanks so much for sharing your talent.

    ~Mab


  • EmoVampireGirl
    November 1

    Edit | Reply

    Definitely not!

    You made the transition between what was and what is very well. I remember losing my first love, and even though it wasn't because of someone else, I still was very heartbroken and would immediately take that person back if that person wanted me again.
    I admire Seamus's ability to let Iseult go because of her child, and it's a hard thing to do, letting go of the one you love most. You are a great writer, and you should keep up the good work. I love this piece! <3

    ~*MJ*~

    • seamus gold member
      November 3
      Edit | Reply

      Fare Thee Well

      Thanks very much for the kind words about Fare Thee Well. It has been very well received by most of those who read it. I'll return the favor.


  • Yoko
    October 30

    Edit | Reply
    This was filled with painful emotion! So heartfelt. I felt like I was there, having the same conversations, the same pain, and the same movements. I loved how the past mixed smoothly with the present. It showed how people changes over the years. Reminds me of several of my "so called" friends at school. I was engulfed in every word. I couldn't take my eyes off it. This was endeed painful. I felt my heart shatter as Seamus tried to sound happy. It was paindul.

    Thanks for entering my contest! =^^=

    • seamus gold member
      October 30
      Edit | Reply

      Fare Thee Well

      Thanks for the kind words about my story. And thanks for setting up a contest. Hope you get a lot of good stories.


  • Bernice DeLucchi gold member
    October 29

    Edit | Reply
    This is written with such deep honesty.It made me remember my first love, a lost love, who from time to time, still haunts my thoughts and dreams. A poignant, heartfelt story I felt.

    By the way, I just love paragraph 14!!

    Best wishes
    Bernic


  • Rorshach gold member
    October 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is certainly a scene that would resonate for many people. You might not be surprised to know that I (sadly) cannot relate, because I never had a first love. I had plenty of girls ignoring me, but that's a bit different.
    Reviewing the packed emotions (as a jealous outsider) I can almost sense how powerful they would be. I do recognise regret, and the girl seems full to the brim with that emotion.
    It's undoubtedly powerful, as people that have lived life, as it was intended, have given this great reviews.
    I can actually visualise that telephone call, and the image swirling in my head tells me that the story was a great success.


  • MajkMuse gold member
    October 27

    Edit | Reply

    This is life...

    So well written. Not soppy, not maudlin. In the end I did not so much have tears but feelings of compassion for them both, and a pride in him...his ability to be true to love as his mind and heart defined it and at such great emotional cost.

    • seamus gold member
      October 27
      Edit | Reply

      Mikka

      Have a short story (400 words) called Thankless Payment about Old Yeller. I realize it's fiction and not as heroic as what Mikka did for Robbie, but if you enjoy dog stories some folks have enjoyed reading the fictional account.


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    October 25

    Edit | Reply
    Seamus!

    I had to read this twice...and, both times, my eyes were blurry from crying. I felt as if you had been able to pluck my heart strings, manipulate them until they were no longer mine.

    I found this so beautiful, so sad, so real that I can't think of anyone this wouldn't make cry. It gives you that feeling of when life is just beginning and everything is new, then it gives you the feeling of what it's like to grow up, move on.

    I agree with Lawrie about the best line, since I am quite a big fan of Jimmy Stewart too. When I read that line, I imagined the scene with him and Donna Reed on the phone.

    Awesome story. I wish you all the best in the contests.


  • Lawrie gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hello seamusl

    A sad tale but also a very enjoyable read.

    I found the mix of narrative and dialogue to be just right. The narrative, explaining the past, counterbalanced the dialogue, talking of the present; I could see no problem whatsoever. I would go further and say it actually enhanced the projected imagery because without the narrative, the dialogue would have been confusing and without the diaslogue, the narrative would have come across as just another sob story.

    Personally, I found this to be beautifully done and if the story doesn't pick up at least one gold, I'll go fry a hedgehog for breakfast and use its needles for acapuncture.

    There are many great lines in this, but the one I loved, being a fan of the great man, is:

    "So now you're Jimmy Stewart wishing me a wonderful life?" - excellent

    A beautiful, well written tearjerker

    *now where did I put me ol' 'anky*

  • graybeard
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hey seamus,
    Curses on you for making an old man cry. The imagery and metaphors brought the emotions into such stark reality that I felt like I was the guy on the phone. Your writing evoked memories both painful and poignant. Wonderful piece. Exceptionally well written. One hundred stars
    Steve


  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    This was an emotional, yet beautiful write and I'm very glad that I stopped by for a read As for your question (Is the past tense of the narrative and present tense of dialogue a problem?), I really didn't even notice- and even after going back to read again, still didn't notice so I didn't quite understand the question I guess It all read very smoothly. The dialogue was beautifully done- and the narrative was seamless. The language and imagery you presented- gorgeous. Such sadness, but at the same time, I can't help but be drawn into the story.

    You did a wonderful job and I can see you doing well for the contests- or at least I really hope you do



    Lady Pixie


  • Tricia3 gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    That does about say it all. This is beautiful, though so sad. It is such a great thing when you can put your feelings into words such as these. That's why I stick to fiction. I'm not too good at the personal.

    I really admire your style of writing and look forward to reading much more of it.

    Trish

  • rustic
    October 22
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    • seamus gold member
      October 22
      Edit | Reply

      Wow

      I hope you eloquent simplicity is an affirmation that the story is a good one. The other possibility is it is so bad it defies description. lol, I hope. Anyway thanks for reading it. Hope you enjoyed it.


  • Gary Alexander silver member
    October 21

    Edit | Reply

    Perhaps it is the ink in your pen....

    ...Although the turns of phrase you place on your page have YOUR indelible thumbprint....
    Some strong stuff here...and those wonderful SEAMUS combination punches: "slit open every seam in my soul..." ..."silence amplified the hopelessness"..."silence separated us more than the distance"...and I love your final line: "I don't know where I got the strength to hang up!" Marvelous. Now...because of all this, I would definitely filter out, finesse and lose those insideous overused cliches, (as camouflaged as you may have had them) "crawled into a bottle"..."moth attracted to flame"...!
    I'm not ALTOGETHER clear on just what happened between these two...but the pain comes through. You've got the gift for that! The pain bleeds through!
    (You ought to expand on this. It is worthy.)
    Ga

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