You think you do but you don't (17)

After a while of mind numbing music I decided to turn it off. Thinking I was safe from my thoughts I turned on the TV. And it just so happens that a music video for our song was playing on TV. And just like that my thoughts came flooding back. My anger and frustration taking over. The kind you couldn't scream away. So I grabbed the first thing my fingers made contact with. It was the bear May won for me at the carnival last year. I tightly wrapped my fingers around it. As if I could squeeze the life out of it. I was so focused on it that I jumped when me cell went off.1

"Yea?" I answered.2

"Hey lil cousin.' A cheerful voice said making me smile. "It's me Tina."3

"I know." I said. "how are things goin for you?"4

"Good. Great." She replied I could hear the excitement in her words. "Actually I just got engaged!"5

"What!? Engaged? When?" I questioned. I was excited for her but surprised because she was still young. She was only a year older than me.6

"Last week! I would've called sooner aha but uh.. I had my hands tied." She said before laughing sweetly to someone. I assumed it was her lady. I knew she'd never laugh like that if it were uncle or auntie.7

" I'm happy for you." was all I could think of.8

"What about you? Things not too rocky is it?" She asked playfully.9

"No, not at all." I lied10

"Come on Lay. I can hear it in your voice. So what's up? Auntie find out?" She half joked.11

"No, not that. Just alil disagreement I guess."12

"Details cousin details!" My cousin said and I could hear Nancy asking what's wrong.13

"May got mad cuz some guy stole a picture of us. She's crazy."14

"Ahhhh." I heard them both say.15

"I'm on speaker aren't I?"16

"You bet." A bunch of other people said.17

"Oh my God! Is that everyone from you GSA?" I asked feeling embarrassed now. My face was surely flushed.18

"Relax cousin. We're all family here." She said to me, then to them. "right?"19

one after another they spoke their agreements.20

"My advice for you girl... Leave the girl and come over here so I can show you what a real woman's like." One of Tina's friend said.21

"Quit it Nicky! My cousin loves that girl." Tina says to her friend.22

"Sorry Lay we're all a lil tipsy over here." She apologized.23

"What! Are you crazy! you're not even 21!"24

"Chill baby." Tina's best friend Angie slurred. "Special occasion." She added louder than necessary.25

Tina cut back in. "Yea haha anyways you really should get that picture back and..."26

"And what?" I asked unable to hear what she said through everyone else.27

All I got in response was the sound of someone hanging up. So i hit the end button on my phone. I drew my knees as close as possible. Resting my head in my arms. I felt even worse than before. I just didn't understand none of it. It's just a picture. she's pissed over a stupid picture.28

Frustrated I put on some slow songs and before I knew it I fell asleep. A deep dreamless sleep. Where I felt like I was falling just falling to a bottomless pit.
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I woke up feeling groggy. I must've woken up ever now and then or something. Considering the fact that I had more than enough hours of sleep. Sleepily I turned off my boom box. I knew it'd still be on. In a normal family someone would turn it off for you. In mine nope. If I were downstairs maybe. But in my room mom never steps a foot into it. Sometimes I wonder why.30

"Didn't get much sleep?" She asked as I sat there at the table, Yawning again for the fifth time.31

"Too much." I replied and went back to eating my cereal. Yes I eat cereal. It's the best.32

"Sounded like you were up all night." She said her back turned. She was cooking who knows what.33

"Just because I had music on doesn't mean I was awake to listen to it." I said annoyed with her.34

"Oh. Then should I check on you to make sure?" She asked.35

I sighed. "What ever floats your boat."36

I yawned again. Wiping away my tears I glanced at the clock on the wall. Just enough time to get to school. I picked up my bowl and dropped it off in the sink. On my way out I picked up my backpack and headed off to school. My usual routine was to wait at the park near my house for May, but seeing as she hasn't called I assumed she was still pissed. Yet again another yawn escapes as I walked lazily to school. Nothing tops off a bad day like three books you don't really use, classes you hate and the homophobes. I was so not loving this. 37

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