1
Always a pretty boy. 2
Blonde and happy as a puppy.3
Playing with my brothers, hiding away from the attentions of girls.4
Kiss chase on a bike.5
Catch me and I insist I was never playing.6
Running in the morning frost.7
Press-ups in my bedroom.8
Besting adults in Americana novelty sport.9
Berating my friends, for staying up all night.10
So much pride.11
But.12
Even at the time.13
I knew it couldn’t last.14
And so it came to pass.15
The adult world butchers my serenity.16
Kurt Cobain hairstyle and a motorway crash.17
Returning home, as my friends lie in the morgue.18
Early College parties, the invites dry up.19
I begin to sit on my own.20
Bus.21
Cafeteria. 22
Classroom. 23
Locker room. 24
I become the isolated boy. 25
Strange because he is alone.26
Qualities lose all meaning when you are no longer needed.27
Brothers move on, as they need to do.28
Girls choose from the peer groups.29
No more kiss chase games.30
Years pass, and the heart hardens.31
Everyday becomes a struggle to maintain the core qualities.32
Isolation teaches unhappiness.33
Unhappiness teaches hatred.34
Hatred teaches oblivion.35
Yet.36
I refuse to bow down.37
I am still the pretty, blonde boy.38
I still play games with my brothers.39
I have to.40
Even though reality had washed the happiness away.41
Blood drained on the mortician’s slab.42
I maintain the core.43
Sitting by myself.44
Standing by myself.45
I maintain the core.46
Author notes
'If one wishes to achieve what is commonly considered as success in this life, one does not go into battle single-handed. One has to be one of a group. Woe to the loner.' (Jean Renoir)
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wow. That was amazing, I loved it. It really gets you thinking, not just about your own feelings, but about others. It makes you wonder what goes through the heads of the so called "loners." Have some of them really disappeared into that place of oblivion or hatred? Could they tip over that invisible edge that we all come to from time to time? Magnificent job with incredible points made
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Thanks Wolf. I don't think that any loner would choose to be a loner. It's not nice when nobody cares whether you live or die, and bitterness can often creep in. My motto in life is, 'I might be a lonely nobody, but at least I am a pleasant lonely nobody.'
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brillant, yet again
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i have to say this is one of the better poems of yours I have read on here. I think this is something that can be easly related to great job
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I like this poem cause its easy to relate to, the writing is wonderful, Jean Renoir's quote is great and I'm gonna have my friends read your piece.
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This could certainly be developed into a full story. Yet somehow the minimalist style, the short phrases, seem more fitting. They portrayed the character and his situation better than a 2000-word story could. Less is more. This less is a lot more than if it were more.
I enjoyed reading this. Short, quick, and to the point.
Speaking of the point, I enjoyed that as well. Not only is it relevant to the world, but it is relevant to me. Not long ago I was that loner.
I hope you aren't one. It is a scary place to be.
Sharp point, sharp style, and sharp memory. I'll remember this piece.
Best of luck,
Cubby
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I was never a loner, but always ended up being alone.
I write this because the family life was never offered to me.
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Wow, this is a beautifully cast and very powerful piece, one to which I can definately relate. I honestly can't think of any way in which you could improve or change this piece; it reads and sounds perfect as it is.
A note on the quote in your author's notes, though, I always felt woeful for those who had to pretend to be something they weren't to be a member of a group. The ones who stood alone were the brave ones that weren't afraid to be themselves and tackle their dreams alone.
Either way, this is an inspirational piece. Well done, as always. -
Well written and good, but reading it in pieces kind of ruined it for me. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this
. Certainly rang a bell when I read this though, 
. The note goes well with it too.
~MartialDemon
beginning: 4, ending: 4.
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That was pretty good
The quote you added in the authors notes as well seemed pretty right as well lol
I'd take that as first hand experiences on both of our parts
Now for your style of write
Its relaxing to me, I like it when my reads are relaxing, so thats a good thing for you haha
Your words also makes me think in remembrance of a time when everything seemed so easy...now that I'm in college...everything just seems to be bleh lol
I'll give you three thumbs up for this one!
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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Fantastic
wow this is really good. very well written and i like the style. i defiantly will keep my eyes open for other works by you -
XD This has so much meaning- I love it~ I think I shall continue to read you work... Yush, well.. This piece is written beautifully~
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Hey I really liked this. I thought the way it is written is really nice. I am new to this website so it was nice for the first thing I read to be as great as yours
beginning: 3, ending: 5, characters: 3.
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Welcome to SW Bookworm. It's a great site, and people here are really kind. Thanks for the review. I'm glad you liked my little poem.
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I loved this. The short descriptions really contributed to the entire mood of the piece.
Great work ^-^
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Good poem
I liked your poem. Very nice. If you want to check out my story, it's titled "11th birthday". Look forward to reading more of your work! -
I can relate in a distant way. I haven't lost any friends (yet, and I hope that they take care even though we've split to different upper-level schools), but wow. I love this piece. It has a symbolic change of what most people value dearly. I personally would hate to feel unneeded, but it's happened lots of times, and the funny thing is that I don't isolate myself from my peers (well... I kinda do when no one talks to me, but yeah...) I isolate myself more from my family.
...
Since I don't know how to critique well enough (or so I've been told from one of my friends xD Lol, he took the hard critique badly... He said I was talking in a bitchy way
Ohhh well. ^^), I'd most definitely say that this is good the way it is. It's not perfect, and it's humane. 
I wish I could give you a real hug. It sounds like you need one just for the extra support (lol, it's just a plus from my critique and how muuuuuuch I connected with the many verses above). Besides that... I'm glad that this was written.
With profound literary admiration,
~Painter
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Amazing
Just finished reading Gary Alexander's "Miles". This is the perfect companion piece to it. This may be the most impressive of your poems. I love the steel resolve of "I refuse to bow down." When I used to box, coaches told me if you punch a guy and his face get red, you've embarassed him. If you punch a guy and his face gets white, he's coming for you. The body autonomically draws blood to the interior organs when it feels life is threatened. "I maintain the core" seems as if you're getting ready to attack life, but you always have to coil before you spring. I so look forward to your journey. The battle cry of Irish soldiers in the American Civil War was "Clear The Way!" and I see you doing that with this and your last piece. Ultimately, all we have is our ability to grapple with life no matter how unequal we perceive the terms of the engagement to be. Might as well enjoy the battle.
As you wish to be part of a group, The Over The Hill Gang, would appreciate & welcome your talents.
As part of your stipulated reciprocity, please try Fr. Emanuel's Day Out. Some times you have to stick your chin out and invite life to take a swipe.
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What nice comments, cheers seamusl. I'll certainly reciprocate. I'll check out Gary's piece as well.
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