Sinful souls lie chained to the molten grounds of Hell.1
Screeches can be heard from the core of Earth itself, for Hell on earth has arrived.2
Chaos erupts, calling all names of the damned.3
Lines form, for those who have already crossed these lines.4
We the people run blind into the wall of which is constricted of chaos and agony.5
We've revealed our own making, our own construction of destruction.6
There is no more freedom, there is no more love, there is no more life.7
the world in which we've made is now the world in which we've destroyed.8
A contest entry
- POETRY--II by rinzu.
175 points, ended October 30, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Another Poetry Contest! by Farhan.
180 points, ends December 10, 35 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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true...thats a nice way of telling what we are loosing and what we have lost to sin...
good luck
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impressive, it reminds me of Milton's "paradise lost" for some reason, but more poignant ( i so can't spell that word...sorry
) i enjoyed it immensely
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We have constructed our own destruction, and yet there are some that still do not see it...and those that do not see it are those that are leading us...so all we can do is watch how we are killing ourselves...Good job
ending: 5.
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Stuff like this makes me wish I was talented enough to write poetry. Disturbing; I love it!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Thank you all for your comments
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Interesting
Very vivid images. Suggest para 5> " wall which is constructed of"
Para 8> "the world which we'be mad is now the world which we've destroyed."
Para 4> "those who have already crossed the line."
Like "calling all names of the damned." -
I rather agree with Musicality about the three D's: doomed, disturbing, and distressing, but actually, I really enjoyed this piece. I was going to comment on rhythm and meter, but it strikes me as free form and it stands well by itself as-is.
It really is a sad testament of all the damage we, as humans, have done with our sinful nature. Thanks for sharing such a wonderful write and here's hoping for a brighter future.
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Wow. This is ... the three Ds--doomed, disturbing, and distressing. It's really good, though! I like poetry, almost more than I like stories, and this takes the cake for AWESOME! Great job!
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fan of system of a down and serj tankien, no doubt.
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Interesting view. but i think within the next 30 years or so you'll be absolutely right.
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wow very pesimistic this brings back some memories. I used to write very similiar stuff to this (not as good of course)
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sooo cool!!!
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Forgot
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Dude, this is deep. Wow. That's all I can say, Wow.
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