He murdered them because no one else would. The babies no one wanted, who were deformed, sickly. They would come to his house, and he would welcome them in for tea. It was almost a normal business proposition, except for the wrapped bundle on the kitchen table between them. 1
Each bundle would always move a little and he could hear crying, but it wasn’t his place to talk the parents out of it. Times were hard, and he needed the money more than his morals.2
When they left, he would walk into the kitchen and pick up the infant. “Dr. Thomas is a good man,” his co-workers said. “He couldn’t hurt a fly.”3
They had never seen him carry an infant to its execution, then use its body for ‘research.’ He had shelves full of hearts, brains, and eyes…and he buried the ‘leftovers’ in the backyard.4
After finishing a dissection one evening, he decided it was bedtime. He yawned as he ascended the stairs after cleaning up, wishing he had someone to keep him warm. The weatherman said it was going to be below freezing tonight, just like last night, but that didn’t stop Dr. Thomas from wishing. His ex-wife had left him because she’d found his lab. Or, that is, she’d tried. He smiled as he went up another flight, knowing where everything was in his house—no matter how dark.5
When at last he’d climbed under his cool sheets, he looked at his alarm clock: it was midnight. He had a long day ahead of him tomorrow.6
“Timothy…”7
He awoke with a start, recognizing his ex-wife’s voice. He looked around the room, expecting to see her, but saw only the moonlight and curtains blowing. He’d forgotten to close his window and it was freezing.8
Throwing off the covers, he rushed to the window, the floor cold to his bare feet. He heard crying. It was distant at first but it steadily grew louder. He looked out to the white blanket of snow and saw movement. A cat? A small dog? He didn’t know and, not caring, he rushed back to bed rubbing his arms.9
Just as he was settling back into a deep sleep, he heard the crying again. It was closer this time than before, sounding almost like a choir of crying.10
He sat up with a start, watching his doorknob turn. Someone—perhaps some fool group of teenagers—was messing with him. He would show them alright!11
He threw off his covers again, slung his legs over the bed, and put on his slippers. When he stood quickly, his back nearly went out. Although he was only fifty, he considered himself much too old for nighttime interruptions! He grabbed hold of the baseball bat by his bed, remembering his ex-wife’s cries of mercy as he beat her to death.12
He rushed to the door and threw it open, but no one was there. He walked out and looked up and down the hallway before making his way downstairs. The front door was open so he walked over to close it, and then he saw her...13
She was sitting on the couch in the living room, staring at him, silhouetted by moonlight. With a raspy, silent voice, she said, “Hello, honey.”14
He heard crying and looked over his shoulder. He saw them, all twenty infants, pulling at the stitches he’d placed in them. He watched in horror as they looked at him before turning around. She broke his neck with a slap of her hand and he fell against the door, closing it with a bang.
Author notes
I wrote this for a contest that was asking for under 200-600 words. I only hope it's good enough.
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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:)
That was totally creepy cool! -
Oh, godess, he killer her
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i enjoyed it. nice and creepy, but the end was a bit anticlimactic. though, with word restrictions its understandable, i would love to see what kind of ending you put on it without word contrictions!
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Good but the ending wasn't as compelling as I hoped
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This is soood.kinda saaad really but still goody i was horrified by the picture but the stoory was greaeat/
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My eyes popped open when I saw that picture, and the story wasn't exactly anything less than horrifying. I'm betting this guy read one of your stories just before bedtime, and I'm sure it's all a nightmare
, at least I hope so.
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That was a classic example of revenge. It didn't scare me, but I could imagine how scared that guy was. I liked the way you dealt with the infant's revenge too!
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Another intriguing tale from the dark side. They seem to be getting darker as they go. *laughs*
This dude is one damn sadistic individual. He got what he deserved when his karma rebounded on him.
Good descriptions to show what was happening. Felt like I was watching an episode of Tales From the Crypt.
This is creepy throughout and I like the payback at the end. Nice job under the restrictive word limit.
I'd like to see you expand it after the contest and see how it would go in a longer format. The ending felt a bit rushed (no fault of your own), with a lot of actions squeezed into those last two paragraphs. With more room and details it could come out even creepier, and maybe something more the first time he woke up and closed the window.
Just a thought.
Either way, this is a creepy and entertaining story as it is. I didn't notice anything to suggest for chances. Nicely written as usual. I quite enjoy reading from your dark side.
And where are you finding these images? It sets the mood right from the start as soon as you click the story. *laughs*
Nicely done!
Greg
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Whoa, creepy...
I loved it though. It was good for it's word count, the way you described everything was amazing, and I loved the character- Well, I supposed despised would be a better word- but you know what I mean. This is an amazing story and I think that you deserve a reward. On a scale of one to ten, I rate it 1,000,000.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I really think with a bit of work and the flexibility of a higher word count you could do so much more with this. I do like how you don't resort to cheap gory scares (except for maybe the picture OMFG!!!).
One thing i kept thinking is whether the ending is real or a figment of his repressed guilt? Something to explore perhaps? -
A little more graphic
The premise of the story is definitely very creepy! But I would have liked it better if it was slightly more graphic in terms of describing the freakish babies, or the brutal murder of the wife. -
P10: Sounding almost like a chorus of cries. (I think this would sound smoother: Choir, I think would refer to a group of people as in: You're preaching to the choir. Chorus of cries makes me think of a group of people as a collective, crying in unison.
I like the story: Creepy, scaring, interesting and good characters.
The theme reads original but, the killing of his wife has been done--the way he killed her and that she returned to haunt/kill him. It's not cliche, don't think that--it just reads familair and that may not be a bad thing at all.
Still, with the babies there it gives it an air of not having been read before.
Hope this helps, and if you don't agree please feel free to delete this comment.
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is GREAT. Excellent story, I liked it so much. And the title... Oh my. I reaad so much horror, seen it too many times, but you still made my skin to creep.
Well done!
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Bloody hell woman I clicked on and up popped that picture. It scared the *$£&^@# s*+t outta me. Cor blimey! Me poor little 'art is pumping like mad *reaches for Baileys medication*
Another from your dark side, well written (goes without saying) and a very good psychological horror. I say that because of the theme inasmuch that for him to do the job he does, he must have a mental problem.
I pictured all of this in my mind as I read, and the story was as horrifying as the pic *heart still pumping*.
I see you've finally been critiqued by Gary, the numero uno critiquer of SW. I can see what he means about dialogue but I also think he must have not realized the word restriction.
For me, a wonderful story written by a wonderful writer
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Beyond Infancy
Not bad! Many good and original nuances in this. Just watch your tenses...try to keep them consistent. And, speaking of "consistence" don't use words out of character with your main voice...words (or phrases) like: "messing with him."
Something closer to "annoying" or "disturbing" or "toying" would be more in character.
The story would probably benefit most from a little less exposition and narrative...and some active scenes...even a flashback...certainly some dialogue so we, the readers, could experience and view the character FIRST HAND!
But...nice job.
Happy Halloween!
GA
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Excellent
A great read for October. I loved the darkness and the vengeful ending. Great job! -
Interesting
Understand it's constrained due to word limit. Could use a bit of work i.e. "He would welcome them in for tea' > them s/b the parents. "With a raspy, silent voice". The picture is horrifying and the retribution theme is suitably disturbing for a Halloween theme. Like the cool to cold progression, maybe his blood could freeze when he sees her sitting on the couch and she could stroke his hair before twisting his neck.
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