Lucy and her family was at the theme park.
"Are you scared?" her sister, Beth, teased.
"No!" Lucy shouted. Soon, Lucy and Beth was looking up at the roller - coaster. Lucy felt a shiver in her spine.
"Scared now?" Beth continued teasing.
"No!" Lucy sighed loudly. 1
Lucy, Beth and their family went to line up. It was a very short line. Lucy looked up at the roller - coaster again. It went up and down and up and down and it had a loop. There was a up and down bit that looked like it was 2 miles from the ground! Lucy began wondering if she had made the right choice. Then before she knew it, she was sitting in the roller - coaster next to her dad. Dad didn't seem scared at all.
"Try to stretch your foot to the back of that front chair,"he advised. And that was what Lucy did.
"You can shut your eyes if you are scared too," Dad kept on going. After a minute, the roller - coaster was moving fast.2
Lucy shut her eyes. Up and down, and around. Up and down, and around. Then they stopped. Lucy had done it. She got to the end without hesitation!
"Well done Lucy!" her Mother laughed. "What did you think of it?"
"It was great!" Lucy replied. "Can we go again?"
A contest entry
- Short stories by Glitflyer.
190 points, ends December 1, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
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Great Job!
Good Luck in my conest
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A very nice, well written short story! Instead of the word 'looked', you could try something a bit more descriptive, such such as 'glanced' or 'peered'. Also try to sprinkle a few more describing words throughout your story to make it more interesting. But all in all, it was a great short read!
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 3.
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