We lived in a small house, surrounded by sunflower fields.1
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We lived where north met south and east met west; a crossroads.8
We never cared what others thought, and we never listened to the rumors they spouted. We were happy, why did it matter, these myths and old wives tales?9
It did matter. In the end…10
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It always matters.14
Chapter One15
I remember the sun shone bright and clear the day we moved in. It was a good omen, the sun - so clear and pure.16
Our very own house, finally.17
It needed work, I remember Nolan saying to me.18
"I don’t care," I replied sullenly. I puffed out my lip and opened my hazel eyes wide up to him. I poured all the innocence and want into that look. I knew he couldn’t resist it.19
“Well, it is a good buy,” he reluctantly replied.20
“And look,” I squealed in happiness. “Look at the sunflowers. You know how much I like sunflowers. What could be more perfect? The price is right and the landscape around the house is beyond saying.”21
Nolan turned to the real estate agent, Carson. “Who owns the fields?”22
Carson consulted his notes. The sun shown off his well-groomed brown hair. A few hairs on his gray pin-striped suit betrayed that he owned a pet or two. “It says that the McGregors own the surrounding fields. But they are willing to lend out the fields directly behind and south of the house, in case and I quote “them new peoples want to grown their own vittles”, end quote."23
“How quaint,” Nolan drolly replied.24
I slapped Nolan’s shoulder. “I think that is a great idea. I’ve always wanted my own vegetable garden. Think of all the yummy stuff I could grow. Carson, what is the rent on the fields?”25
Carson again consulted his notes. “Thirty dollars a month, plus two percent of all sales, if you decide to sell your crop. Sounds very reasonable to me. But if you’d like, I’ll do some research.”26
I looked over my shoulder at him and replied, “I don’t think that will be necessary. I like the price and will accept it.”27
Nolan snaked his arm around my waist while looking at me. “Are you sure? This is a big commitment. I don’t want you getting in over your head, especially with the baby coming.”28
I rubbed my enlarged tummy. “Don’t worry honey. You’ll be doing the heavy lifting.”29
And that was the start of what I was hoping would be the best years of our life. Too bad life had other plans for us.30
***31
Author notes
Something new from me. Doing research, so chapter may be far in between. 
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Wow i am so glad i read that it is a great start to a story and i cant wait to read more!
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WOW, that is a great opener. The pause before "It always matters." was great. And unfortunately, I agree with your character's sentiment.
The setup you have here, though short, paints a great picture, and I get that feeling of happiness about to be destroyed.
p16 the sun is like a good omen - makes it sound like it isn't really a good omen at all; it just resembles one.
p21 prefect = perfect
p23 McGregor's - doesn't need apostrophe
p25 what is the price of rental on the fields - I don't know, this sounds stilted somehow. Overly formal.
Your hook at the end is good as well; makes me want to read more.
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Thanks for reading this. It was fun to write so far, bit stuck, but will get over it. So many things running around in my head, I'm not sure where to go with it
Fixed those errors. Thanks again
Brooke
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I like the intro, it really drew me in and hooked me with suspense. I like the use of crossroads. It's a nice detail since so many supernatural things are said to happen at them.
Para 16, you write the sun was "like" a good omen, but it might be stronger if you make it metaphor instead.
Para 23, "shown" should be "shone".
McGregor, like Peter Rabbit? In any case, there shouldn't be an apostrophe (para 23).
The baby adds good tension. We know they'll have troubles, but now we also know there's a kid-to-be at stake.
Good job -
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You know I just read that book to my kids. Wonderful if subconsequenly I remembered the name McGregor from it
Fixed those errors. Thanks for the read.
Brooke
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Enjoyed reading this again. I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it from here.
Greg -
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Short but sweet. Couldn't ask for more from you
Thanks for reading it twice
Brooke
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Good start. Lots of little hooks in there to make me want to keep reading.
I noticed you use "shown" a couple places where it should be "shone" but that was about it for SPaG. -
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Fixed and thanks for reading this. Have many things running around in my head. Don't know where I'm headed with this yet
Thanks again
Brooke
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Hey Brooke,
Can't rate this again. I enjoyed the read this time also. Hope you don't take too long to continue it
Steve -
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Thanks for reading it again Can always use the comments
Thanks again
Brooke
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Good Start
You've set up a wicked premise. Maybe it's Halloween, but this is a pretty compelling start.
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Thanks for the read.
Brooke
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Hey Brooke,
This is a great start. I'm really curious to see where you go with this. No typos to add to those already pointed out. Don't make us wait too long please.
Steve
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I had an outline and everything all planned out and now I can't find it I don't know where I was going, but my notes are still here, so I'll start again. I'm hoping to get going on this next week. I'm trying to slow down, with the harvest carnival done and Halloween only a week away I should be able to do some soon.
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Aww. What a nice find for the new growing family.
Or is it?
Nice descriptions of the seemingly pleasant surroundings. I wonder what 'other plans' life has for them.
And she's pregnant. That is usually a good thing. Why do I feel it may not be so in this case?
This is an intriguing beginning for the story with the dark undertones. Can't wait to see where this is going.
Holly caught the only typo I noticed.
The only other thing I wonder about is in p19. I don’t care I replied, sullenly. -- I think that needs quotes: "I don’t care," I replied sullenly., since in the next paragraph he replies to that in quotes.
Not sure if p18 needs quotes or not since she's remembering something he said. Haven't figured out all the little nuances of dialogue yet.
Very interesting start. Can't wait to see what is going to happen.
Greg
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I will put the quotes in that one you mentioned, but will keep the other out. I do want it to seem like a flashback at first and then drive right into the dialoge. I hope it isn't too confusing.
I had an outline and everything written up and now I can't find it
I will have to start again. Luckily I still have my notes
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Really good. i love the imagery, you've done a great job.
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Thanks for stopping by and reading. Glad you liked it.
Brooke
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Looking forward
Looking forwards to the next instalment! Very good imagery and fluidity in your narrative. Very interesting start to a story, and yet there is a sinister undertone to your words. However, may we have more isnight into the thoughts and emotions of the protagonist? Seems a little one-dimensional at this point. -
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You're right, the protagonist is quite vague right now. She'll fill out more in the next part, promise.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
Brooke
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I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. I liked how you left me with the feeling 'something's going to go wrong' because it makes me want to read more. I also like how you used the good, simple things in life (sunlight, sunflowers, a marriage) and revolved like this...dark cloud around it.
Awesome!
Since this is a short piece, I don't really mind the chapters being far apart when you post...as long as you promise to post.
I only saw one thing:
Par 23: A few hair [hairs] on his gray pin-striped suit betrayed that he owned a pet or two.
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Thanks for finding that error. Will fix that right up.
Not sure where I'm going, but I've been interested in Crossroads since I watched a eposide or two of Supernatural, which dealt with a crossroads demon, etc.
I've done some research and am almost ready to start at least the next chapter
Thanks again
Brooke -
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Awesome! Can't wait!
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damn. Too far between chapters and I lose contact with the story.
Very interesting start though. Sounds a delightful place but, we shall see as the story progresses.
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I'll try not to make them to far apart. I've got some research done already and plan to at least start writing the next chapter
Thanks for reading.
Brooke
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