The Complex Spy Mystery Thing

There was this guy who was unidentified. He shot someone. You don't know who yet. Then he went home and cleaned his gun. His house was bombed. But then you see this guy walking down the street, and he gets shot in a drive-by shooting. The driver stops, and the guy who shot the other guy shoots the driver, then gets out of the car. He goes in a building and tells this other guy that the job is done. The other guy shoots at him, but he dodges and jumps out a window. Then the scene shifts and you see this woman and this guy walking down the street, but this other guy slits the guy's throat and shoots the woman, then throws the gun into the gutter. Then you see him turn the corner and you see it start to rain. The next scene starts at night. You see these two guys walking along the street, but then the guy who shot at the other guy who dodged shoots one of them and then he gets shot by the other one. This other guy comes in then and gives the only guy left alive in this scene some money. He thanks the guy who just gave him money and then he shoots him, but then he gets shot by the guy who was shot at but dodged, you know, the one who was shot at by the guy who just killed the partner of the guy who just got paid. Then he gets in a car and there's this new driver, and he drives up to another guy and he shoots him. Then he shoots the driver. Then the guy who slit the other guy's throat and shot the woman comes up and starts to talk to the guy who jumped through the window after he was shot at. The guy who jumped through the window says that he's an assassin, and that he has a horrible secret that he has to tell the guy who slit the other guy's throat, but then a guy in a helicopter with a machine gun shoots the guy who jumped through the window. The next scene begins with a Hostage Rescue team going into a building and shooting a bunch of guys. There's one survivor who shoots the hostage and runs away. He climbs onto the roof and jumps to the roof of another building and runs away. Then the guy in the helicopter who shot the assassin shoots the guy piloting the helicopter and takes over the controls. Then the guy who slit the one guy's throat meets the survivor of the Hostage Rescue team raid and gives him a gun, and together they kill everyone in the Hostage Rescue team except one, who kills the guy who survived the Hostage Rescue team raid. Then the guy from the Hostage Rescue team is shot by the guy who slit the other guy's throat. Then the helicopter gunner lands on the roof nearby and shoots at the guy who slit the other guy's throat, who leaps off the roof and lands on top of a car driven by a cop. The cop lets him get into the car and drives him to a secret meeting of 'bad cops', which he's infiltrating for the police. Together they kill all the people in the 'bad cop' meeting, then the guy from the helicopter kills the cop. Then, the helicopter gunner gets shot by this guy with a huge gun. The guy who slit the other guy's throat tries to ask him who he is, but then he runs off. Then, the guy who was the helicopter gunner who wasn't quite dead shoots the guy who shot him, and the guy who slit the other guy's throat finishes him off. Then this other guy kills the guy who slit the other guy's throat. He goes up to this other guy and kills him. He goes to a bar and shoots everyone in it, then the barkeeper shoots him. He begins to write this letter:1

'I did it. I did it, everyone, and I'm proud of it. I was the one who ordered the guy at the beginning of the story to be shot. I was the one who ordered that the other guy's house should be bombed. I was the one who sent the helicopter. Yes, I did it all.' He left the letter lying on the bar and shot himself.2

The end.3

Or is it...?4

The man walked into the room. 'Hello, Godfather.' The man behind the desk ignored him. 'I told you, if you become a spy you're out of the Family. Get out of my office.' The man left the office. Then he was shot from behind. Three guys went into the Godfather's office. He shot one of them and another one of them shot the third. The one left alive was the one who had shot the man who originally became a spy and thus left the Family. The Godfather told him to take a seat. 'Thank you for taking care of Leonardo. I was worried that he might let slip some information about the family.' The guy who killed Leonardo was stabbed from behind. 'But I'm afraid you know too much,' the Godfather went on. The guy who killed Leonardo fell to the floor and the guy who killed him came up and bowed before the Godfather, who shot him. The Godfather was now the only person left alive in his office. He took out his gun and pulled on a black FBI jacket, then shot two more men just outside his office. He yelled, 'This is a raid!' The real Godfather, who the FBI agent had been impersonating, walked out, startled, from his hidden room. The FBI agent shot the three men with the Godfather, then grabbed him and pushed him out the door. The Godfather, refusing to become a captive, bit down on a cyanide pill and fell to the floor. 'Damn,' the FBI agent said under his breath. He ran for the exit. The local police force would be coming in to arrest the survivors of this one-man raid soon - for now he just had to get out of here and report his findings to his boss. He pulled open the door of his Cadillac and leapt in, then slammed the door, turned the key and hit the gas. The car didn't move. He looked around. The emergency brake was on. He never left the emergency brake on when he wasn't on a hill. That's when the man sitting behind him pressed the gun to the back of his skull and pulled the trigger.5

Theodore Westermore, CIA, sat in his office, his feet on his desk. His phone rang. 'Yeah?' he said, picking it up. He was high enough up in the CIA to not need formalities when answering the phone. The only way anyone got through to his private line was through his secretary, who was trained with a gun as well as a computer. The man on the other line was a friend of his, Joey Haftner. From the FBI. Westermore had always thought that Joey should've gone into the CIA. 'The agent we sent into the Fiomaté Family, Samuel Bruenstein, is dead. Killed by a hitman. From what we hear, he got the Godfather himself, but he commited suicide. Sam tried to get away, but someone had planted the guy in his car. He took down quite a few of the Godfather's close friends, from what we hear. This isn't the last we'll hear of this.'6

'Well, fuck.'7

That's when all hell broke loose.8

Bombs exploded all around the building. Meanwhile, snipers who had been planted in the growth around the area started to shoot at whoever they could. Helicopters began to drop bombs on the CIA building. Several impoverished people from some north European country peed on the roof. It was chaos.9

Two people had sex.10

There were these twenty guys. One killed another, then another jumped out a window while killing a different one. Two more were walking down the street and one other guy killed one of them then was killed by a different one who then killed the one who wasn't shot. Twelve more guys appeared. Two of them shot each other then one other person. Then this other guy shot one of the twelve and one of the twenty, then someone shot him and two other people, at least one of whom was not from the original twenty. Five hundred more people appeared. Two of them shot four others each, then they shot the same person at the same time and shot each other. Then two other guys shot each other and one guy shot two other guys, then three guys shot a total of five guys, then two of them shot the other one and one of those two shot the other. Then two other guys shot one guy each and one other guy shot at two guys, but then the guy who dodged shot two guys. One guy went on the roof and shot two guys up there, then these three guys got in helicopters and shot two other guys. Five guys got together and killed four different guys then each other. Then three guys shot themselves. Two guys shot a guy in the helicopter, then two guys shot one other guy and one of them shot the other.11

Two guys were walking down the street, and one fell in the open sewer. He landed and called up that he was safe. "But what the hell is this?" he asked out loud. "What?" replied his friend. He passed up a Beretta.12

The man entered the courtroom. He walked up to the witness stand and was sworn in. "I want you all to know that the man you just heard speak was full of shit," the defending lawyer said. The witness walked over to him and asked him, "And what here is supposed to make us think that you are NOT the murderer, Mr. Brown?"13

"My client is the one on trial," the defending lawyer said, "not me."14

"I think we should change that. People of the jury, the man you see here sitting next to the accused is bullshitting you all. He was the one who killed Mr. Orginsen. And I have proof."15

"What is your proof?" asked the judge, fingering his .44 calibur magnum under the desk.16

"As you can see, he has brown hair. This is not true of the accused. Therefore he is guilty. In the man's suicide note, he said he was killed by a brown-haired man. This would obviously be an attempt by the killer to throw us off track. And also -"17

But it was too late. The gun had been fired.18

"Ladies and gentlemen," the judge said, standing up and putting down his gun, "the man you just heard was my personal nemesis. I hate him. Therefore I killed him. But I am not on trial. And neither is the defending lawyer, I must add." He picked up the gun again and shot these three guys with guns. He flipped open the safe door and saw the control panel. He typed in the three-hundred-and-seventy-four digit password. The floor fell out. The judge fell three hundred feet down and landed, hard, on the ground. He pulled himself up and walked through the doorway ahead of him. The judge heard someone talking on the loudspeaker. "Take three steps forward, three steps right and two steps left, then flip the switch. Follow my instructions and you might not die."19

And now we come to the gruesome part. This guy was tortured.20

The judge took three steps forward, turned right, took three steps, turned left and took two steps. He stepped on a landmine and died. "I did say you MIGHT not die," whoever was talking over the loudspeaker said.21