Filler for my story "Into the Blue"

I pull off my oversized shirt and unhook my bra, careful not to face the relflection in the mirror. I don't want to see the grotesque rolls of skin that fill out my ugly curves and make me an offical woman. I unbutton my baggy jeans, and slide out of them, careful not to bump the fresh cuts. My legs are so disporportional to my body; twigs attached to a skin filled blimp, oozing through existence.1

I turn the dial in the shower to the right, waiting for the water to warm up before stepping in. The scalding hot water turns my skin red and it feels so good running along my frozen back that for second, I am almost content.2

I can still feel his fingers on my chest, squeezing the life and pleasure out of me; his middle and thumb fingers over my nipples as he squeeze, squeeze, squeezes...3

My arms are almost healed now. The bruises and scars a little less visible than they were. 4

I take the bar of soap in my hands and slowly scrub it over my palms and fingertips, then my arms and chest and finally, the place were he took it all away. My eyes begin to drown in tears of shame and hatred. 5

Why does everyone I love, turn me to dust?6

My body collapses into the floor of the tub, my vision abandoning me, and now all I can see are splotching, wet stars. 7

The bruises begin to ache on my upper arms, as I rub the soap farther up my body.8

There is never an escape. 9

Never a tender embrace,10

from anyone or anything.11

After I step out of the water, and dry myself off, I reach into the cabinet under the sink; the shower curtain begging to suffocate me as water drips all over the side and into the cracks in the tile floor. My hands close over an old friend; a pink razor, pretty enough for stripping a woman of her flaws. The perfect remedy for my own imperfections. 12

I step back into the porcelain tub, and close the drain, turning the water back on and letting it gush until I am enveloped in all things clean. Taking the razor, I draw a crisp, red line down my leg, watching the blood seep into the water below my feet. I continue on that way, slashing away at every inch of my body, where he left his finger prints on.13

Perfection is possible. My Mommy told me so. 14

I want to reach perfection...15

The water overflows the tub, falling over my head, and the last thing I can remember is how good it made me feel. I felt so invincible, tasting the sweet, metallic taste of the red river in the air. My time has come...now...