“As long as I have you here…”1
Molly Green jumped when she heard a dish break. She sat in her bedroom closet, holding her teddy bear close to her, rocking back and forth. She could hear them, the adults. They were using what her kindergarten teacher, Ms. Marsh, called the ‘no-no language.’ 2
“As long as I have you here, Gunner, nothing will go wrong,” she whispered into the teddy’s ear. Gunner was a large bear with black eyes and cream-colored fur. He had been the last present her mom and dad had given her before they died, and was the last time she’d truly felt loved.3
Molly listened for movement on the stairs, signifying they were coming for her, the child who wasn’t theirs. The child who caused all their problems. The child they would never love as their own. She wouldn’t be here if she had a choice, but that was just it: she didn’t have one. Aunt Lola and Uncle Peter were the only family she had left.4
Just as she was wondering what problems she caused, since they were extremely rich, she heard footsteps on the stairs. She bolted upright and tried hiding her small frame behind the layers of clothes. She held Gunner tightly; he would keep her safe. 5
When she thought she had successfully hidden, she heard her bedroom door open and her uncle’s familiar voice. “Oh, Molly. Where are you?” She felt wet suddenly and realized she’d ‘pissed herself’ as her uncle would say.6
The closet door opened with a jolt and her uncle grabbed her arm and pulled her out. He let her go and took a puff of his cigarette, squinting through the smoke as he looked at her. He’d been drinking again. Molly could smell it on him. She was sure he was going to beat her like he did every time he was drunk. At least when Lola was drunk, she would only be verbally abusive.7
“Why were you hiding, you little brat?” he spat as he ran his free hand through his jet black hair. His looks were what Molly had gone by at first, thinking he was just like her dad because of them. These same looks were what everyone went by at first glance. “Answer me!”8
“I’m afraid of you,” she trembled.9
He laughed, “Damn right you are, you little tit.” He looked away for a second, then back at her. He yanked Gunner out of her arms and began twisting his head, then began cutting it with the knife he’d brought just for this reason.10
“Please…no…” she said, tears streaming down her face. She watched as Gunner’s head was ripped from his body, then thrown across the room. She sobbed as she stared at the corner where he was thrown.11
“Now go to bed or I’ll skin your hide,” he said and slapped her ass. He turned off the light and walked out, slamming the door behind him.12
Molly wiped her eyes and walked over to where her friend had been thrown. She could hardly see anything because it was dark, so she felt around for him. She found his head first and then the rest of his body. She cried a few more tears as she walked to the window to survey the damage.13
She used a scarf to put his head back on, wishing she knew how to sew like her mom. She crawled into bed, kissed Gunner good night, and said her prayers.14
When Molly awoke the next day, Gunner was lying beside her…but his scarf was gone, and a box of sewing material was on her bedside table. As she was wondering who had fixed him during the night, she heard an ear-piercing scream.15
She jumped out of bed, wrapped Gunner in her arms, and left her room. She didn’t have to go far. She saw Nina, the housekeeper, backing out of her aunt and uncle’s bedroom, horror-stricken.16
“Nina?”17
The housekeeper ran to Molly, scooped her up in her arms, and fled down the stairs screaming.18
***19
The grotesque scene at 1440 Blackstone Lane befuddled the local authorities. Peter Green’s skin had been ripped from his body and plastered onto the ceiling; while his wife had hung herself with her niece’s scarf. The oddest thing they found at the scene was hair. It wasn’t human hair, research would later show, but hair like that on stuffed animals.20
Since Molly didn’t have anyone, it was decided that she would be set up for adoption. Shortly after the funeral, she was in the back of a taxi, heading towards the local orphanage, afraid beyond words.21
She held Gunner to her and smiled, “As long as I have you here…” His sewn-on smile seemed to widen, and she could imagine him completing her sentence. “…nothing will go wrong.”
Author notes
♦ Begin a story with the words: As long as I have you here...
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Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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WOW. This is amazingg!
Congratz. on being such a great writer.
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Great
Macabre and entertaining. Good classic horror
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Just plainly awesome...
I was taken aback by your writing, especially the ending.
After reading your story, i think i got 'doll'phobia already lol^^
It is very creative that the way you wrote the ending,i like it very much...
Keep up the good work!beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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I like it
It's sort of like the new chuckie lol but with emotions keep writing
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That was kind of spooky..
Interesting idea, though, and a good read. But I'm sort of left, at the end, wondering why Gunner didn't do something earlier. It makes it seem like the death of Molly's aunt and uncle was revenge for Gunner being cut up, rather than an act of protection/love for Molly. Or maybe that's the point, given the evil bear picture you've got at the start.
Personally, I felt like there could have been more description to emphasise how Molly felt - her terror, despair, heartbreak etc. but otherwise, this was a good tale. -
Hey Lady Eventide,
I read this earlier today. Guess I forgot to leave a comment. Senior moment. This was just a bit predictable, but that didn't stop me from enjoying the read. Always like to see the bad guys get what's coming to them. Made me think of Teddy Ruxpin.
Steve
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Great story,
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Great horror story. Very well written. I wonder who sewed Gunner's head back on.
It indeed looks like he is able to more than take care of the little girl.
A lot of terror and feeling in so few words.
#5 Sorry, I just can't understand the relevance of this sentence.
"Just as she was wondering what problems she caused, since they were extremely rich, she heard footsteps on the stairs.
Trish
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Horrifyingly disturbing, reminds of a certain toy story scene. The way you told the story was very smooth and understandable, making almost any reader able to comprehend it. Suspensive and pulling, I like it.
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I really enjoyed this piece - particularly the interaction between the tragic Molly and her bear, as well as the brutal evilness of - in particular - the uncle. Isn't it amazing how a simple act of cutting a toy's head off instils such a sense of hurt in the reader, compared to physical hurt an adult can do to another. This is subtlety - and deserves praise.
I sort of guessed that Gunner had something to do with this, but this doesn't matter at all. In a weird sort of way, it was better this way, because you placed in the spotlight a terrible act of cruelty, and there needed to be vindicated through something spectacular - and uber-appropriate. Gunner was the only logical choice.
The gory end was also, sort of appropriate - but I wonder if it was more internally logical to have his head chopped off with a small knife - hardly subtle, but perhaps more subtle than what you depicted (a fine point, I assure you).
I offer the following editorial comments:
para 5 - not a strong connection in the narrative between her uncle and aunt's wealth and Molly wondering what problems she caused (sort of inferred, but not clear).para 8 - comma after "spat".
para 10 - I think "He laughed" should be terminated with a full stop.
para 12 - comma after "he said".
para 15 - you didn't explicitly describe Gunner being repaired until the last sentence - I think the image of him being fixed should be the first thing impacting on her.
para 20 - I think "befuddled" is not quite right. In my mind the word is confusion caused by conversation or the like - wouldn't "baffled" be better? (This could be me - we all have our own take on words). Just a terribly pedantic point - did you mean for a 'stuffed animal' being in the mix when presumably, it was a toy bear that did it (unless it was a toy bear made from some animal fur/skin). Very pedantic - apologies for that.
Thanks for allowing me to read your story.
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I love it when people take a prompt and take it there, and then some. This was fantastic, but I feel the need to go read one of Lawrie's light hearted pieces
Any mother I think, not that I am one, will find this so heart gutting. This is the most painful thing that can happen to a child, which is very much intensified when the happiest thing that can happen to her is her foster parent gets plastered to the ceiling.
I love her mantra, and the fact that she's projecting her parent's love onto her bear, people who have lost parents do that, it seemed perfectly believable. When that man ripped it, I could have screamed.
I wanted to hear more about Nina, did she feel a protective impulse to Molly?
Gunner's little twist was lovely, it was lovely to hear that someone was behind Molly and willing to do that for her, even though it was a bear, it stood for her parents and that idea of love and safety every child should have.
which did uplift me, from the truly painful start :]
Incredible work, this went a bove and beyond expectations
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Lovely dispension of justice. Well done.
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Ah, must be one of my favorites now of yours. I liked the darkness of this piece and the grotesque ending
You never cease to amaze me with your writing Glad the prompt inspired something out of you
Great work here I thoroughly enjoyed reading this dark and creepy tale!
Pixie
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I thought this was great. I kinda guessed what would happen,but it did not take away from the story. I feel I have to say something critical, so I will nitpick a little. I am not sure your 5 year olds dialogue reall fits that of a person that age it seems a little too refined. I am not sure I could do better, but I did notice it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
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"...and was the last time she'd truly felt loved." <-- this part of the sentence makes it read awkwardly. You could make it its own sentence, and that might help a little. Or, you could rephrase it.
Wow... I like it. Grotesque is a good word to describe it, I think, and I'm very glad you didn't decide to grace us with a vivid description of the actual murder. I'm not sure I could've read it if you had. You're good at creating pictures with your writing, and I have too many teddy bears in my house for that. lol.
So, awesome job
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I enjoyed this story much...much too much! XD
I just assumed that everyone else knew not to trust the teddy bear. Great work!
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A good and interesting story. Weird, Dark, Engaging.
Good luck in the contest.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Excellent
Poor girl so alone with dreadful people and only a supernatural stuffed animal for a protector. Very interesting and enjoyable to read.
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Awesome story!
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Oooo, creepy.
Halloween must bring out your dark side.
This is definitely the darkest thing I've seen you write. You're pretty good at it though. You should do some more. *laughs*
'Peter Green’s skin had been ripped from his body and plastered onto the ceiling...' I love that line, but then I'm weird anyway. Guess he shouldn't have beat Molly and cut Gunner's head off. That'll teach him. Then again, he's dead now so the point is rather mute.
Good descriptions throughout. It was easy to 'see' and follow what was happening. I noticed no changes to suggest.
Great picture leading into the story too. From that alone I knew Gunner would be back for revenge. *laughs*
Great story. Good luck in the contest.
Greg
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Chilling Justice
Turnabout's fair play as they say. Brutal child abuse is never a favored reading material for me, but you kept it short and the retribution delightfully imaginative without being overly gory.
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Whoa...this is probably the best story I've read in Y.E.A.R.S! The way you started it out with her abusie father and her comfort in her teddy bear were amazing. I could ust picture how angry and scared she was when her father came in and ripped her bear's head from his body.
You really do have an amazing way with words. I couldn't figure out anything wrong with it, except that you might want to introduce the girl's father with his name so it's not that confusing at the end.
Best Wishes,
dancer. -
Oo-er
If this is your dark side, I'm glad I live on the other side of the globe.
This is scary and eerie.
I can imagine this story as an episode in the old TV series 'The Twilight Zone' mainly because I could actually see the various scenes, so good was the writing.
I have no what-nots or any suggestions to make.
A great story written by a very good writer.
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This is a great story. It's dark, sure, and it hurts to read how some people can abuse children, but they got what they deserved. And more. Everything in the story is in its place, it's so well done.
The picture of the teddy bear is owesome. He looks so sinister. Great work!
Good luck with the contest.
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