Dear Diary,1
What's wrong with me? I gazed into the mirror only to see a hollow man staring back at me...So today I've decided to end it. Forty, yes count em!, forty different fucking pills. I can't see any other way to end it. It's happening already. The feeling of being crept up upon, like a wolf stalking a newly born fawn... I can't believe it's finally here. I've waited for this day for a very, very long time. Am I crazy? Will people think I'm insane once they read my very last thoughts? 2
I just want to know it's not my fault what is happening to me! Nobody ever gave a rat's ass about my well-being. Why would I want to live in a world where nobody cares about anyone else? When there is no love, no companionship! It's not even worth trying to fight against anymore. Everyone, nobody excluded ,Mom and Dad, (when you read this, as I know you will) ever gave a shit about what I did in my life, or who I cared about, or who I would become. Heaven for-fucking-bid that you would take any interest in my life, or ask me how my day was. Where were you at my Summer Rec ball games? Or the times I was in the theater? Who do you care? Mr. Goddamn Jack Daniels is who... Why end it bitterly though? I always loved you guys, wanted to make you proud... So I'm sorry I was never as good as you wanted.3
Wow, didn't mean for this to happen. Oh I didn't plan on leaving a note for you shit heads but here it is... Funny how life works out sometimes isn't it? You think you know everything, then one day you wake up to find that life isn't what it is all cracked up to be...Maybe death will be more pleasant. 4
Dear Diary,5
I know I only wrote in you a little while ago but I need to talk to someone, and you're the only one that listens. I'm scared now. I'm writing from the upstairs bathroom. I've been dry heaving for about an hour now...Oh Jesus, that was the worst one yet. The drugs, thanks to the kindly old man that never watches me at the general store, are making me hallucinate...see myself and my life in whole new way. I don't want to die anymore. I love her. Oh god, now I don't even make sense! I hope nobody reads this... especially her...I can't find the way to the phone! Told you life was funny! Think I might laugh! Wow that felt weird somehow it feels like I should be crying, wait...maybe I am? Tears of joy? Of sorrow? Of fear? Or maybe is it all the three combined??? Who the fuck knows...nobody will ever know what life was for me. "Yeah Cry, Bitch, Cry!" I'm sorry but I can barely hold the pen, or is it a pencil?, anymore...I must go..I'll see you in hell.6
Don't dead.7
cry already8
for am9
Me, I10
Eternally yours11
B.V.12
Author notes
Just to let everyone know, this work was completely fictional...it in no means justifies how I really feel.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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I really like this. I got really captivated quickly. It just grabs you. I'm sure there's a lot of people that can relate to this. I think this would be an interesting book. Where most of it is this kids diary, he's telling his life through the pages, but you don't know that the kids not alive anymore untill the end. Like the entries you're reading are things he wrote way before, and you'r reading up to the suicide entry. Good job.
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Nice job on this. I can really feel the suicidal inclinations in his words. "Nobody cares about me, but I know Mom and Dad will be reading this, I always loved you guys, you are shit heads, etc." (all the things that go through a person's head when contemplating the end) The panic as the drugs take effect is quite well-expressed as well. I'm glad this isn't autobiographical, but you do a great job of getting into the head of someone like this. I'm on to read part 2.
Sheryl -
I wrote some poems in letter form. There were three. They were kind of like this. You could search for them. There names were "To Whom It May Concern." Anyway, keep going. This is awesome.
-Chance -
FUCKING Awesome! It's morbidly beautiful. Great write. Keep writing always!
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I really liked it, the contradictory emotions. Very well written.
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awww that was great.. well u get wot I mean not great as in oh great ur dying etc but yes... really enjoyed that and it feel extremely personal like how a real diary would be written... lol kinda thing I'd write in my diary if I was on the suicide path again lol neways well done a wonderful piece of work...pure genius!
much love
Jesskins
xxxx
Edited on Oct 31, 1:54 p.m. because ''. -
well i know how it feels i am dead to most everyone
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