"So, Richie, what did you guys do at um, Antonell's house? Boy, I haven't said that name in ages," she said, eating her noodles. We were just all surrounded at the table eating our dinner, staying inside on that rainy night. 1
"Is he that dumb kid that caused all that trouble?" Mitch asked with a laugh. "He was that one stupid kid, right, Lex? Failed seventh grade once and eighth twice? No wonder why your son's friends with him!" I dropped my metal fork out of anger and gave him the cruelest eyes one could ever give. My mom hated it when we fought.2
"Now, now, boys," she replied with a smile, patting Mitch's fat cheek. "Rich's got a friend, and that's all that matters, right?" Then she turned to me. "He has changed, right?" 3
In eighth grade, when he was my best friend, we did everything together. We had sleepovers, went to high school football games, went bowling, went rollerskating, and basically anywhere else that you could hangout at. I had never been so happy in my life, even though I got made fun of by the other kids for being a gangster. Those other kids didn't matter to me at all, though. As long as I had one good friend and studied hard, mom said, I would be a successful person one day. Well, that happiness had all changed one day when Antonell and I got called down to the principal's office.4
Even though I had a pretty bad reputation at the time, I was a fairly good kid, respecting my teachers and all. The principal, Mr. White, asked us several questions as we sat side by side in nervousness. "Boys, there has been a report of stolen goods from a local market the other day," he said, pacing around the room. "The manager of the store says that the goods would've cost one hundred dollars if paid for. And let me tell you, this place is having some trouble makin' money."5
My heart seemed as if it stopped beating, my hands became cold, and my face, well, it looked as if I was albino. I swallowed hard as a lump formed in my throat and choked out, "W-well w-what d-does this have to d-do with us?" As I could remember clearly, Mr. White slammed his hand hard on the table and sweat dripped down his face with stress. 6
"Good question!" he said with a fake smile. "See, surveillance cameras caught you guys at the crime scene when it had happened. Observe." Mr. White shoved a small tape into the VHS and turned on the fuzzy TV. But it was clear enough to tell that it was us. Dumb Antonell wore his football jersey with his last name on it that day, too. I just sat there in awe as the jackass proved his point. And proved me wrong about Antonell.7
Then, Mr. White shut off the TV and finally spoke out, "Alright boys, are you ready to admit that you stole those things? As we can clearly see Richie standing outside holding everything Antonell stole as he exited?" The liar that I called my best friend just sat there, staring at the floor, as I backed myself up to not go to juevey.8
I pulled my hat to the side. "Sir, you must understand," I told him respectfully, "I didn't know that Antonell stole those things! I honestly thought that he had went in, bought the items, and returned them to me. It was all a mistake!"9
My principal got right in my face with terrible breath and grinned with his yellow teeth. "Oh, yeah? Well you're still in trouble. What were you doin' buying six packs of smokes? Huh? And don't tell me that they were for your mommy!"10
**********11
I had hated flashbacks because the memory was so good, but in that case, I was glad that it was the past. Life had just went downhill from that point on. That's when my dad left because of too much stress, my nanna died, my mom met Mitch, and all of the horrible things that occurred after that event. Maybe it had been finally time to get my life back on track. 12
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Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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I don't see what there is to love about this so much, it kept my attention but not enough to make me wanting more. :/
But that is just me, everyone else seemed to love it =.=... It was a bit slow for me, and I'm not a big fan of normal life stories. besides a tiny few weird phrasings, that someone else already pointed out, the writing is good
~MartialDemon
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Keep it coming! lol
Ah now Antonnel sounds like a ass. -
It was pretty good, Id need to see the plot flesh out a bit more before I could really say. Good writing. :-)
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i love this story... so what does antonell say about the whole thing??


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This is amazing. I love this story!
keep it going!


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I think it's spelled "juvy" but I'm not sure. Great job though! -Liz

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Actually, I think they spell it "juvie"... it's hard to say.
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Wow!
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i LOVE it! its amazing..
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I think this is pretty good. I can't tell too much what i think of the story because this is chapter 7, so I'll assume you are doing and excellent job. In this chapter you use a few words wrong one example is in P1 I think you meant to say "We all sat around the table, eating our dinner. Another little note I do not know who "she" is. That is confusing to your reader when you use pronouns for people we have not seen. I know you may have introduced this character earlier, but I think you should use her name for title again since this is the opening of a new chapter. I think you did a really nice job with your flashback scene. I would suggest not mentioning flashback in the story. I don't know why that just seems wrong. I think with a little edit this could be a really good write. I hope this helped out a little.


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