Howling and Hissing, How Humorous Chapter SIXTEEN

In the morning, I awakened to find that the daylight was gray, and murky, and so I opened the window to check the temperature and stared out across the street, seeing nothing.1

I feel… as if I’m being smothered. Yes. I can breathe, but something is pulling at my heartstrings today. I rub at my chest, taking a deep breath. I’m so confused as to why I’m feeling this way, that I don’t notice that the doorbell rings more than twice, and I was abruptly pulled out of my subconscious by Bella’s shout.2

“ALYSON! WAKE THE HELL UP YOU SLEEP WALKER!” 3

I jump, startled, and lean forward to look down at Bella, and surprisingly Edward. 4

“I’m right here, Bella…Why are you here?”5

Surprisingly it’s Edward that replies to my question.6

“My family wants to meet you and Bella. Would you like to go?”7

I blink slowly, indifferent. “Sure.” 8

And then Bella turns an interesting color of blushing red and she screams up at me. “ALYSON PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON YOU NAKED WHORE?!9

I smirk and lean against the windowsill, not moving an inch.10

“What’s the matter with what I’m wearing? They’re pajamas after all…”11

She starts sputtering and finally spews forth with: “You call those PAJAMAS?!?!”12

I looked down at what I was wearing. Well…it had fit me before my oh so mysterious growth spurt.13

I was wearing a now-tight, spaghetti strap tank top that had risen half way up my abdomen and these shorts were supposed to fully cover lower thigh, yet the now fitted my muscular thighs, and somewhat upper thighs and I know for sure some cheeks were showing in back.14

“Hmmm….I guess you’re right. Give me ten minutes to change and do my hair and brush my teeth. You can come in and do whatever you want.”15

I move away from the window and change clothes into something that was on the floor, some sweat pants, and I just keep on the tank top. After washing up and pulling on some socks and sneakers, I thunder down the stairs, skipping the last three steps and landing on the balls of my feet and I grab the keys to my car only to feel a ice cold, marble hand cover mine and I hear keys jingled musically in my ear and I turn my head quick and snap my teeth at them.16

“Careful, I bite.” I grin evilly and remove my hand from underneath his.17

“But I bite harder.” I jerk my head back, my eyes widened. 18

“Oh my god, I’m so scared.”19

“Your sarcasm is so tangible my dear… Enough of this, don’t eat yet! We can go over my place and eat.”20

I pout at him and dump the four bags of pop tarts on the counter and I stalk out the door, locking it. 21

I mumble, ‘There better be some high quality, gourmet food there or I’m gonna kill you…” I say the last clause in the countriest voice I could.22

And I end up bursting out laughing, hard as I fall into the silver chariot of Volvo, which upon seeing I stopped and looked at it, inspecting it closely and gathered myself into the car.23

Several minutes later:24

I hopped out of the car, twirling and leaping, as I danced to the awesome music my Ipod emits. I had been listening to the music to tune out whatever Bella and Eddy were saying so they could have their little bit of ‘privacy’ if they called it that.25

Happy that I got some pent up energy off, I stared up at the house with sparkling eyes.26

I studied the Cedar trees, and the wrap around porch, and everything else about the house.27

I was so wrapped up in the music and staring that somebody began to pull my ponytail and I yelp, jerking backward to follow the hand, and I look up to see, Bella, hehe, I thought about calling her Belly…hehe, pulling me towards the front door.28

“HEY WAIT A MINUTE I CAN WALK YOU KNOW!”29

Edward already had the door open and I gracefully curtsy in front of him and skip into the house, very eager and hyper.30

The interior of this house was very beautiful too. The most amazing thing was the entire wall of glass that faced south. I was staring out of the window or glass-wall when Bella yanked the earpiece out of my ear and walked towards Carlisle and a beautiful woman that must have been his wife.31

Yet I frown at Bella. She has been almost… how can you say… almost irritable with me around. I blink my thoughts away and skip straight up to the couple and curtsy for them too.32

“Hello! I’m Alyson Porter, you may all call me Ally if you so wish!”33

They smile brightly in welcome and I stand away as Edward gives me a look that I immediate interpret and I giggle. “I wanted to introduce myself. Sooorrry..” I said under my breath, yet knew that everyone could hear. 34

Soft, musical chuckles filled the room and I smirk up at them, winking.35

After the primary introductions, when Edward asked. “Where are Alice and Jasper?”36

And as if right on cue, they both appear at the top of the stares and I hold up a hand, in a frozen wave, as Alice more hyper than me, streaks down the stairs and stops right in front of us to kiss Bella, and then me, which I kiss back.37

“Hmmm…you both smell nice, I never noticed before.” She commented and I raise an eyebrow at her. I never realized that I smelled. Surely Bella, but not me.38

Jasper remained behind and I furrow my eyebrow, politely stepping from behind Alice to get to him and I notice everyone go rigid, and I step right in front of him, smirking. “Hello to you too, Jaspy..Jasper!” I bite my lip to keep from laughing as I slip with my mental nicknames for everyone. He relaxes the very slightest, and opens his large hand to shake mine, and I smile brightly.39

YES!!!40

And then, it goes quiet. Me, standing beside Jasper, I whisper to him over-exaggeratingly,. “Do you think anyone would notice if I were to sneak over to that beautiful piano?”41

I start on my mission, humming the mission impossible theme, and hiding behind random people, as I made my way over the grand piano.42

Esme was smiling, holding back her beautiful laughter. “Do you play Alyson?”43

I bite my lip, my eying Bella from the corner of my eyes before rubbing my head. “Well… not very well you see…if I only focused on the piano. Is it yours or wait! I know whose it is…” I smirk and begin to twirl in place until I face Edward completely. “You.”44

They stare between me and Edward and I cough. “His hands are just as calloused on the fingertips as mine. Only piano players could have that feature.”45

They continue to stare at me and I shuffle in place, blinking back. “Well….I was studying his hands one sunny day and well…yeah….I asked…” 46

“You have a powerful eye for detail and deduction, my dear…” Esme smiles brightly. “Maybe Edward can play for us all..”47

“I’d very much like that.”48

Yet when he pulled Bella to sit beside him, she gave me such a quick look that if I blinked any sooner I wouldn’t have seen such the ferocity of it.49

The look she gave me was almost as if she triumphed over me…50

Which she didn’t, because Edward was hers. I didn’t even want Edward…51

However I stopped thinking altogether when Edward began playing and my jaw drops in amazement. I feel myself being pulled by a cold hand and I turn to stare at Jasper as he gives me a look that I find very questioning, and Alice skips up to me and pulls me up stairs with the rest of the Cullens to give them some privacy.52

Alice had pulled me into her room with Jasper and she looks me over quickly, shaking her head. 53

“Ally, how could you even walk outside like that on! Those aren’t even clothes! I ought to take you shopping!” My eyes widen and my heart beat quickens as I shakily take a step back.54

“Oh no…you..you said the ..the’ S’ word.” I shiver, covering my arms and whisper in a very scared voice. “ I HATE to shop…”55

I hear a gasp and a scream and find Alice hugging me and stroking my hair, even though I was a good six inches taller than her. 56

“It’s okay, baby. You’re okay, we’ll get those evil shopping-hating thoughts out of your mind. It’s okay…” I squeak and squirm, moaning. 57

“Aaaalllliiiiiccceeeeeeeee. I don’t need to shop!”58

She squeezes me slightly harder and I hiccup, my squirming more violent now.59

“Oh hush now, Alice is here to help.”60

“Okay, okay! I’ll make you a deal!!”61

She stops squeezing. “I’m listening…” I can hear the smirk in her lips.62

“Okay…if I have a need for a certain outfit, or if I have a need for an entirely new wardrobe which could be soon, cause I’m having very sudden growth spurts, I’ll….” I swallow. “…go….” ..I squeak the word “shopping” out “with you..”63

“YES!!!!! Next weekend, you and me! I’ll pick you up 9:00 AM SHARP!!!”64

She flounces off and I stare after her incredulously.65

I break down, holding my head in my hands. “What the hell have I just gotten myself into…”66