Swords Of Stealth - Chapter One

Swords of Stealth - Chapter One1

December 28th 2009 2

I had the dream again last night, when I woke I could remember everything the vivid faces calling my name desperately, the way their eyes stare right through me, the winding trails through a forest I don’t think I’ve ever seen. I keep thinking its Ellissa calling out to me, its been three years since she died and there is definitely something sinister about those faces they don’t look …… Human. There is one girl though who always makes it in time to save me. I can’t really remember the faces now though it’s starting to blur. I try to remember in case it’s important yet a part of me hopes it doesn’t come again tonight, I can feel a heavy cloud settling above. I know something isn’t right and something tells me id be safer if I never knew.3

Chapter 14

The voices were coming from everywhere just faint whispers almost like it were the wind luring me into its deathly trap. “Ella”… I turned to the thick forest at my back the dark trees staring down at me, the bark gnarled and mangled as though tortured. “Ella”… this time from the clearing, the wide open space with the long grass waving as though they were hiding, following and watching as I stood frozen with fear not sure which scared me more.5

“Ella”… I turned once more to the forest and there was his face right behind me his tortured eyes searing through my skin I opened my mouth to scream but there was no sound. The girl, she would save me, she would come. “Ella”… 6

I spun into another face, the voices coming faster, the faces were surrounding me. I kept spinning looking for the girl in all the faces, the haunted eyes, the beautiful lips, the luscious hair. Their cries were getting louder I couldn’t stop spinning, their mouths curving into snarls, the wicked eyes staring right through me, as if to the clearing. I ran towards the open space hoping they wouldn’t follow. 7

Sill running I turned back to the forest, the faces were gone, the voices again a whisper. Then I hit him. Standing there towering over me his face a white mask of fury, reaching for me his pale hands passed right through, his snarls became angrier, more insistent as he lunged for me again, I tried to back away but fell, his laugh sent shivers through my body and my blood ran cold, the girl wasn’t going to save me this time, he would finally be able to grasp my neck and watch as my face went blue and I hung limp in his hands. 8

“Ella” the faces, they were warning me, calling me to them, to save me. I looked once more at the forest knowing I wouldn’t not make it the gnarled roots of the trees seeming to laugh with him as his hands grabbed my neck, his cloak billowing as his pale fingers tightened on my throat, they felt soft like tissue yet they held tight. I looked once more into his eyes knowing they would be last id see, they fired triumphant, almost pleased to see me fading before him, the screaming cries of the faces deafening. As my lungs began to struggle for air, one last face drifted through my mind, the sweet green eyes so loving as he said my name, the lopsided mischievous grin that always led to the belly laugh I loved so much and melted my heart to butter, a surge of adrenaline surged through me as his face faded away, his voice still whispering my name. 9

I stared defiantly into the fire that burned in His eyes confused he allowed his grip to weaken just enough to allow a whisper of air to my lungs, his face no longer laughing but again snarled as he tried to break his eyes from my hold, the voices had slightly changed their tone and I realised that this was my chance to break free. I focused on the memory of my love fresh in my mind, I thought of his belly laugh and watched as the fire eyes slowly faded, his grip loosening a fraction more. I began to throw all my memories at Him every happy moment, every laugh, every smile. He dropped to his knees releasing me on the way down but his stare never broke from mine, I tried to stop the flow but it was coming too fast and he was finding out to much. 10

Then I heard the clear voice of the mysterious girl, “Ella…wake up” I closed my eyes once more and all was black, I looked for her she was not here but I could hear her melodic voice, “Ella, it is time you must wake up.” I tried to tell her no, I could still feel the soft white fingers tight around my throat, but I couldn’t speak. “Ella now!” Never had I heard such a tone in her voice, I had done something terribly wrong.11

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Comments

  • Reigning Fire
    November 8
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This isn't bad, it was a bit ominous and scary, and i believe that is the vibe intended to be had.

  • tiny girl
    November 1

    Edit | Reply

    good

    interesting beginning of the story, make's me want to read on, did'nt get the paragraph at the beginning but maybe you got to read on to get it.

    beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.

    • LakeSinclare
      November 2
      Edit | Reply
      The first paragraph is meant to be a diary entry i tried to put it into italics but i cant figure out how thanks for your comments will return the favour !


  • Intoxica
    October 17

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    I think you have some real talent hidden beyond the grammar mistakes and lack of commas (and perhaps paragraphing)!
    I would point each one of them out but i simply can't be bothered...it is, after all, the author's job to proofread their work and fix their mistakes.
    But seriously, you have some really good descriptions going. You have a good writing style, (whatever that actually means) and i feel that once you refine your writing a little more, or take the time to read it word for word in your head and add the necessary commas and cut down some super long sentences, it'll be gold.
    Despite the little faults, I feel compelled to read more of this.

    beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.