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(Begin Tape)2
Once upon a time there was a man named Jesus. Now I know where you think this is going, but trust me it's not. Fact is this isn't even a story. Why the hell are you listening to this? Congratulations you're stuck in hell. You died that one night.. remember that strange dream? Yeah. You're dead. I watched you die.. muahahahahaha it was glorious blood everywhere and the thousand knives.. no not really. It was shiny though. And If you're wondering why I brought up Jesus, IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE COMING BACK TO LIFE! SATAN HATES YOU! BURN IN HELL FOREVER! YOU'RE A PIECE OF... I'M HAVING A SEIZURE... OOPS... ALALHKHFIOHOI!!!!!!!!! ..........................................................................3
(Intermission)4
Sorry for the break guys! I died and I got reincarnated.. nasty stuff... now I have three heads. It's hard talking because they all start at the same time. And they got me pumped up on these.. freaking... ADHD drugs.. I mean.. pain in the... Ahem so... I'll be your tourguide for today step this way follow me.. ahem ahem... F*** YOU F*** YOU F*** THE WORLD GO AWAY LEAVE ME ALONE AND LET ME SLEEP! NOT AGAIN!!!!! ALKSDHFOAISHDIFASODIHFH!!!!!!!!!...................................................................................................5
(Intermission)6
I don't feel too good right now.. It's still me but now I have no head. Don't ask how I'm talking I just am. My momma once told me honesty is important. I'm not being completely honest with you. You see you're not just burning in hell for all eternity and dead and smelly and rotten and oh you were cremated and your ashes were thrown in the Themes but... You're roomies with Stephanie Meyers. Good luck dude. I really don't envy you. Technically you got the worst room in hell. You see, we make it mandatory to read the entire Twilight Saga in your first year here. She's a favorite author, so we figured we'd give her the royal treatment. Well.. you refused to read the books, but they all do in the end. Being locked up with her for 5 minutes should change your mind.
I'm afraid I have to go to my anger management class now... enjoy your time in hell! have a pleasant stay!7
(End Tape)8
God: Oh well here's this one.. poor soul.. He was on Storywrite his entire life before he died of a seizure.9
Jesus: ..............10
God: So... Do you think he's worth bringing back from the dead?11
Jesus: Nah. How about that Stephanie Meyers chick? She's kinda ho-12
God: NO! YOU'RE GROUNDED FOR THE REST OF THE CENTURY!13
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Author notes
No plan. Absolutely none. It just happened. Like a lot of babies. God and Jesus are going through plea tapes btw.
A contest entry
- Make me LAUGH by XxSceneTristanxX.
100 points, ended October 18, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Want to go to hell?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Haha, I remember this story. I've read it before, but I've never commented on it.
It was utterly hilarious. I'm glad you didn't write it according to a plan; it's kept its originality and the essence of a random spur-of-the-moment write.
Didn't make me laugh, but then no piece of writing has
A light, enjoyable read! Loved the Jesus/God combination. Love the Stephenie Meyer poke, too. *high-five*
Yet more occasions of grammar abuse (not essentially 'abuse' - perhaps 'neglect'), but I won't be a SPaG officer and get picky about it.
And no, I do not want to go to Hell. In fact, I won't be capable of going there.
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.... That was very random.... In a good way. I enjoyed the seizure part, and the God and jesus part also.
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that was hilarious!!!!!!! lol good job
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LMAO.
I liked that...especially the Jesus and God part...and the seizure part.
lol
Good job and good luck! Bytw u made me laugh r_r
~Tristan xoxo
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yaaaaaay! and I was so sure you would hate it ^_^
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ha ha funy
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that was hilarious! the last part was anyway. good story
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I know you said not to read it but I did and...wow...
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Wow in a bad way? O.O lol
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...yes...
But I don't want to sound mean! >.<
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