eating away at your heart...literaly

After a twelve hour shift in trauma. Dr. Woods just wanted to let loose. He snuck into the medicine room and just started popping every pill he could get his hands on. He knew that the mixture of some of them would lead to a abhorrent outcome, but he had no idea what was about to hit him.1

He stumbles out of the med. room with a mischievous smile on his face. When a nurse/friend walks by she said ,”Hello, how did that operation go today?” He just grunted a laugh and reached for her and said, “Well, I could demonstraight for you.” she just got really confused and just walked away. That made him really angry. The smile turned into a cold frown and his dilated eyes got narrow. Then he yelled after her, “Hey, Bitch get your tight ass back here!” she whipped her body around at the revolting remark with an astonished look on her face. “why…., Mr. Woods…what’s gotten into..” before she could finish he slurred, “oh, I’m sorry princess, why don’t you come back here and let me make it up to you?” after saying that he grabbed her arm ever-so-roughly into the med. room. After pinning her to the floor his sly smile returned. Using one hand to hold hers together at the top of her head , he used the other one to caress her face gently. “ You are so beautiful my little toy.” he said to her in a voice that made a shiver run up her spine. With one quick motion he “gallantly” ripped off her nurses uniform. At that moment she knew something inhuman was in him. He put his face right over her rapid beating heart and took in a deep long breath. “Mmmm . You smell wonderful, I cant wait to eat that ..” he smiled really big after saying that. She was so engulfed in fear that she couldn’t even scream. He looked into her wide eyes then went down to the bottom of her stomach and licked up to her neck. Then he bit in to her luscious body, enjoying the rich blood from her healthy body. 2

When he was done with her he wiped the blood from his face and grabbed some more pills. Then he pushed the wall one hard time and it came down, so he went to his car to cruise around and look for more blood filled chicks. This one amazing woman was jogging on the sidewalk. He could hear her blood pumping and healthy heart beating. With just the thought of having her heart in his hands got him excited. He stopped the car at a red light and with non-human speed got out of the car and put himself in front of the girl. With him just appearing there, she stopped and squealed in fear. With that sly look on his face he crept towards her. She started stepping backwards, then in a heartbeat he grabbed her and had his way with her delicious body.3

Continuing his drive he noticed big pink letters that read “NUDE GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS SHOWBAR” that made him almost yelp in excitement. He snuck in the back and found a girl all by herself. He took her into the bathroom and kissed her softly, then bit into her neck. Doing so made blood come spewing out, so he gladly drank the blood. Usually they would die by now but she wouldn’t, she squirmed and yelped. He thought to himself, “ why wont you die! With your blood in mine we will be just fine! Then your body will be mine!! Oh this feeling that’s evolved! Nothing could replace your screaming face feeling the sickness inside….” but still she is alive “ why is this so fucking hard for me! Your tempting and provoking , keeps me trying, in not done, just keep screaming! Why wont you die!!!” tears ran down her face. She couldn’t believe all the blood was out and she was still alert and breathing. He laughed harder and harder. He wanted to think this but he screamed it, “ oh! the hunger inside! Give it to me! It makes me feel alive! ha-ha!! Always out stalking prey, in the dark I hide. I can’t take this anymore , take this gift from me! Nothing seems more exciting! It’s haunting me!!” he realized that he was beginning to make no sense at all, but he couldn’t get his thoughts together. he went into eating her alive, no self-control, sick in the head, her heart had finally died but he could see the beautiful person that she once was, and it made him angry. He penetrated her body till she looked too disfigured to even be considered a human. Out of breath he touched where her cheek would have been and said, “ I’m sorry baby for being so cold to you.” then he smiled again and got up to leave taking more pills that were in his pocket.4

As the night consumed the light he got more hungry for his little game. He wanted to see the perfect girl, to touch the perfect girl, to see the crimson come out of her and into his mouth. However, he has failed to see how destructive he could be. He found another one. When he had her down she struggled more then enough so he said, “ you know, the more you hurt, the more you scream, the more you make me want you..!!! ha-ha-ha-ha oh the price you pay to play the game, there are no rules no one nothing.. Just you and I having a little fun!” he laughed so much after that. She started screaming really loud so he covered her mouth with his hand , but apparently he pressed down too hard cause her face caved in. he loved the sound of her bones crushing. “ oh my sweet baby look and see what you made me do!” when he said that he embraced her delicate eye and held it in his hand. “hmm I think I shall keep this for a collection that I will start.” he said to the lifeless girl as he put the eye in his coat pocket. He figured that he had to eat/ play with the heart while it was still warm so he couldn’t disfigure her any further at the moment.5

When he was done with her he was to tired to do anymore, he needed some rest. He went home and played with the eye. Before he drifted off to sleep he popped it in his mouth and chewed slowly feeling the vitreous humor squish around inside his mouth. When he dreamed, he dreamed of it being a quiet, chilly night. When he heard a woman’s high heels clicking down the street. With a slick move he grabbed her, held her down and nibbled lightly on her tight skin leavening bruises. “sweetie, what will keep you from being so scared?” he asked when he felt her body trembling in fear. When she didn’t answer him he got angry and pushed down harder on her delicate body breaking almost every small bone. Then he quickly drank her warm blood and ate her once beating heart and little meat that was on her. Then he awoke from his dream. 6

It was the next day and he felt fantastic actually, therefore he decided to go to work and act like nothing had happened. When he walked through his living room the TV was on and the news was blaring on the screen. There was a picture of a woman whom had been brutally beaten and/ or eaten by an animal of some kind. Looking at it made Dr.Woods realize that it was one of the woman from the night before. But something was strange… it was the woman from the dream not from all the other places. When he got to the hospital he saw the nurse (his first victim) and she seemed fine. “hey Dr. woods how are you?” she asked cheerfully. “ummm ok I guess” he manage to squeeze out. “oh those pills you were asking about yesterday, yeah don’t take them or prescribe them yet.. They aren’t certified by the FDA yet.” woods was in awe to the point that he was speechless. “are you ok?” she asked with her voice getting more worried. Then suddenly everything became clear to him, in a vivid and very realistic flashback sort of thing and he saw exactly what really happened.7

~ when he went in to the med room he took two of the first bottle that he saw and it messed him up immediately, and the nurse came in there and they talked about the pills in a casual conversation. But what he was going through the first time he was just imagining it. Then he left through the side door (pushing down the wall) and he was in his car and stopped at a red light seeing a jogger go by. Then he passed by the showbar and just wondered what it was like in there. He didn’t go in or anything just kept proceeding with his drive to his apartment. When he got home , before he went to sleep he took another pill and a different one with it (eating the eye). that’s when he got really disoriented. He thought he was asleep, but he wasn’t, he really did kill that girl. Thinking about it made is stomach churn and ache. He had really murdered a person! He was frantic, not wanting to go to prison , or a psyche ward for that matter. Then his pager went off, he was needed in the OR immediately, when he got there he was still thinking about what was going on. Then he couldn’t take it anymore, he grabbed a scalpel and cut deep into the first major artery that he could think of. He bled to death, he died right there and that’s the rest. 8

Author notes

hmmm just tell me what u think ... does it make any sence at all ... lol

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

  • Notes:

    You tend to change tenses. Watch out for that--keep it either all in present tense or all in past tense, not a mix of both.

    You also need a little work on your tone and word choice. At times you make the narration sound a little to conversational, when it should have more of a story-telling quality.

    Try to pay more attention to grammar--you missed a lot of punctuation and capitalization, and at the end there's something strange about the way you split the last two paragraphs.

    On a positive note, you did a good job portraying Dr. Woods's insanity, and the plot in itself was very interesting--almost Jack the Ripper-ish Thanks for entering the SWFA contest, and good luck!!

    Renaissance


    • ilovemyemo
      October 18
      Edit | Reply
      thanks, wow i didn't realize that the pragraphs were like that .well i fixed it .... and thanks for all the other pointers too :]]