*No Title* Part 40

“Derek you cheated on me.” 1

“No Katrina we didn’t do anything! It seems like it but we didn’t! I love you!” 2

“I love you too, but you just don’t seem to be telling the truth.” 3

“Please believe me.” He took my hand. 4

“... I do...” I said5

“Thank you.” He kissed me but I didn’t kiss back.6

A sense of awkwardness struck me. 7

“... I...” 8

“Yes?” He asked9

“Nothing.” I said “... I’m just tired... So I’m going to go upstairs to sleep.” 10

I awkwardly walked upstairs and listened to Miss Bipolar (Love Fight) by Blood On The Dance Floor before falling asleep. 11

I woke up and Derek was talking on his phone. 12

I took out my ear phones and listened. “I know.” He laughed13

“Well... I hope not... I love you too... Yeah I’ll see you tomorrow.”14

“Sunshine got me through the rain. This happiness is mixed with pain. Sunshine got me through the rain, this happiness is Mixed with pain!” I listened to the lyrics and tried to hold in my anger. I balled my hands into fist. It was just one more day and I’ll find out. 15

Derek came in and lied by me. I scooted away a little. 16

I woke up at 6 and took a shower, got dressed in tight black pants and a Taking Back Sunday shirt, brushed my teeth, straightened my hair, and did my make up. Derek was already dressed when I went down into the living room. “Ready?” He asked17

I nodded and put on my jacket, gloves, and snow cap. 18

“You’re so beautiful.” He said when we got in the car. 19

I managed a half smile. 20

By P.E Katie did nothing but smile and play volley ball better then I ever could. 21

When the period was over I quickly got dressed and walked to Chemistry. I heard laughing in the bathroom by the lunch room. It sounded like crying. I went in and there they were Katie and Derek in the bathroom stall. I only saw there legs and Derek’s bright red converse. I started to cry and ran out of the school just like I always did. I walked back home. No that wasn’t home I walked to Derek’s and Eddy’s home. I ran to Derek’s room and found his phone. He forgot it and it just lied on the bed. I opened it and looked at his calls. “Katie, Katie Katie Katie Katie.” It read22

I went to his texts. “Katie Katie Katie Katie Katie Katie Katie.” It was all from Katie. 23

I through his phone at the door. 24

I was beyond mad but more I was numb. What was I going to do? 25

I slowly walked to Eddy’s room and took out my razor I hid in her bathroom cabinet. I slit it down my wrists blood drew down my arm. I gasped and closed my eyes. I kept going down and deeper each time I thought of Derek and Katie. Soon I passed out. 26

I awoke on the bathroom floor. I looked at my phone with my other hand that wasn’t numb. It was 3:45 I quickly sat up and rinsed off my wrist and cleaned the floor up. I wiped my razor off and put it in my pocket. I bandaged my wrists and put my jacket over my cold body. I breathed out and you could see my breathe. It was freezing. 27

Derek didn’t come home until 7 that night. 28

“Where were you?” I asked29

He shook his hair and pulled his shirt off. His smooth chest showed and his 6 pack. 30

“I hung out with Anthony.” He said31

“... And not Katie.” I asked32

He concentrated on my expression. “No...?” He replied33

“I know about you and her...” 34

“What?” 35

“I know about you and her!” I yelled36

“Were just friends.” He said37

I walked to the corner where I through his phone and flipped it open. I showed him all the messages.38

He walked towards me and tried to take his phone. I backed up.39

“Give it to me.” He said40

“Why! Why do you tell me you love me and then you go behind my back and do this? Why!” I yelled41

“... Because I love her more...” He said42

I couldn’t believe what he said.43

“Well actually I love making love with her more...” He smiled44

He stepped towards me and took my chin. 45

“You’re beautiful, but you’re just not good enough...” 46

“...No... you were never like this... Why are you just like this now!” I cried 47

He stopped my talking by kissing me. I couldn’t close my eyes. This wasn’t my Derek. This wasn’t my Derek I knew. I cried even harder. 48

“Don’t you love me?” He asked49

“...” 50

Everything was silent. I finally nodded and kissed him back.51

“I’m sorry.” He said52

I nodded again.53

Finally I pulled away and went down into the kitchen leaving Derek to his shower.54

It was dark and cold but it didn’t seem to matter. I went down in the basement and took out a gun I found under the stair case covered in cobwebs and the bullets right next to it. Maybe Derek’s mom was once like me, maybe I could have used it to stop Derek’s dad if only I knew about it sooner. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so fucked up.55

I walked to the park and went into the woods.56

My feet made a crunch under the snow and it was cold. Everything was covered in snow. I closed my eyes for a second and saw blood everywhere. I cried out in horror maybe that would be my blood. I fell on my knees. 57

My hands were numb and freezing when I reached in my coat pocket and felt the gun my stomach fluttered.