Yesterday, the Poopascoop Press printed a story about what they labeled a "local phenomenon": sightings of the notorious wizard "Razputin" in a New Jersey suburb. The intense negative reaction spurred by this article prompted Rasputin himself to come forward amidst the swirl of controversy that threatens to consume him. Now, Rasputin has solicited an EXCLUSIVE interview to clear his name, right here, in the Daily Brent. 1
Interviewer: Welcome, Rasputin, thank you for joining us, I'm honored.2
Rasputin: You should be.3
I: Tell me, what did you come here to say?4
R: Terrible things have been printed about me in the Poopascoop Press. To them, I say, "I'LL KILL ALL OF YOU, YOU DIRTY ROMANOV SPAWN!" That is my primary message. But also, "RASPUTIN! RASPUTIN! FREAKING SPELL IT RIGHT, YOU DAMN DIRTY APES!"5
I: That's certainly a passionate message. What about their claims that you "glow," that you repel bullets, and that you've been sleeping beneath the Earth's crust for eons purging yourself of Romanov poison?6
R: Hahaha! Romanov poison, that's a laugh! You know what it's called now? Play-doh. Non-toxic. They were afraid of lawsuits. And do I look like I glow?7
I: Yes.8
R: I know, this modern skin care lotion stuff is fantastic. I'll lend you some, you'll see.9
I: Mr. Rasputin, are you a danger to those around you? Do you have evil schemes to destroy mankind?10
R: Doesn't everybody?11
I: I... well. You've got me there! Can I be part of yours?12
R: If you'll teach me to use the internet.13
I: Deal! 14
And thus, Rasputin and our very own interviewer set out to burn the world and enslave the human race, as you probably know by now. This will be the final publication of the Daily Brent, as I have just been zapped and can see my body turning into spastic jelly. Until next time, faithful readers!
Author notes
Response to: http://storywrite.com/story/344936
On a scale of 1-10, please rate your satisfaction with Rasputin's demolition of your species.
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
Hmmmm, I give it 5. Just because I'm human and I don't wanna die. I'd give it a ten if it was on someone else though. You are hilarious! Lol!
-
You are still very funny. This was very cute.
-
-
It's not really one of my traditional stories, more of a response to a friend's story. If you're looking to read ClassicBrent, try Saint Bernard. Methinks you'll like.
-
-
*chuckles* I like your sense of humor Brent. Excellent write. It was clear and concise along with humorous. Im not overly worried about the demolition of our species.. it's going to take him a while to get the hang of the internet.. he has a temper.
-
Hahahaha. I really enjoyed it, very funny. You managed to keep it humorous without making it cheesy, which can be hard to do. Great job! Id rate his domination around an 8.
-
aha
ahaha funny xD -
I think that this interview should be a 7. Some parts were a little confusing, but overall, fantastic write!
-
Niceness
I liked it. The interview layout and sort of irony of the characters left me with a sly smirk on my face -
Hey.
Firstly thanks for entering.
I really love! I'm getting weird looks from laughing so hard at this. Damn reading funny stories at work. This is just great, funny, crazy and really well wrote. The flow was good, the language used outside of the interview was good and belivable.
Really great write.
Thanks once again for entering, good look in the contest.
Staci
-
Lol. This is a very funny piece. It's nuts, like a lot of your stories. And I think I needed a bit of insanity. Thanks for reminding me that I'm not the only crazy person here
-
sorry to have missed you
Regrets for reading this just prior to your jellification. It was funny and overall a good read. A bit of confusion--I'm not sure who was afraid of lawsuits--or who from. This should be expanded. There is always room for another evil plot to enslave the world.
-
-
Ah, apologies, the Romanovs were the Tsar's family, including Anastasia.
-
-
I saw him! I saw Razputin when I was in Middletown in July!
OOO I thought it was just me, but this report & conversation shows all that we are NOT delusional! Thank you, o' mighty glorious turth seer!
-
Funny
This was so funny! You did a great job! 10/10
-
haha def 10 i agree get the humans! hell i'll even bring my own species alongXD
-
0
If someone speaks something and someone prints their words is that libel or slander? Either way, you sir have a lawsuit on your hands. *calls his lawyer*
-
-
Two applause?
That's it! I'm suing you! -
-
SueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSue SueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSue SueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSue SueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSue SueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSueSue
-
-
Go die
So I can sue your next of kin. -
-
As your attorney I'd advise you to sue the next of kin's next of kin for royalty benefits.
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
