"Alice... Alice... Aice! Wake up!" Jessica whispered to me.1
"Do I have to?" I asked rolling onto my stomach, hiding my face in my pillow.2
"Yes! First day of a new school!" Jessica sang, picking out my clothes to wear.3
Ugh, a new school to go to. I don't want to go to a new school yet!4
I don't want to make new friends. 5
Here's the story.6
We, me (Megan aka Alice), and Jessica (aka Esme), had to move to La Push, Washington.7
Maybeth, our mother, got a new job there, and moved us all there.8
My dad, Michael, divorced my mother because he couldn't handle Maybeth anymore.9
Michael was torn when Jessica and I left with Maybeth.10
Well, we were made to go with Maybeth.11
Well, back to the real story.12
It is November 25th 2006.13
My birthday and the beginning of a new school.14
I sighed and got up and took my shower.15
I dried my hair when I got done.16
I got dressed in a kapri beige skirt and a long white sleeve.17
I brushed my hair and and threw it in a ponytail.18
"You forgot something!" Maybeth called out.19
I turned around and nearly screamed when she held up the keys to a brand new 2006 Chevelle in purple color.20
I tackled/hugged my mother.21
"Thank you!!!!!!" I screamed laughing.22
She laughed as well. 23
She gave me the keys, kissed my goodbye then left on her own to work. 24
I put the keys in the ignition and turned the key into starting the car.25
I slowly backed out of the garage into the icy roadand head my way to school behind Esme in her Volvo.26
We entered the school parking lot and got a lot of glares.27
We got out of the cars after parking them side by side.28
I shivered. It was freezing!!!29
We got a few wolf whistles.30
We walked in the school then into the office. 31
I shivered again.32
Someone put their jacket on me.33
I turned around and nearly fell if this person hadn't caught me.34
It was man like teen boy.35
Age probably about... 18.36
He was smiling.37
"Morning, miss," he said setting me back on my feet.38
Esme giggled.39
"Shut it Esme...." I whispered and the guy froze at the name.40
"Oh don't worry Ali- Megan." She giggled more.41
"I'm going to get you good at home Jessica." I glared at her.42
The office lady helped us get our schedule of classes and the best way to get to them.43
We both all the classes together.44
First up... Engligh AP.45
"Cheer up Alice. He'll be in some of our classes." She mused, seeing the jacket still around me.46
I glared at her once more only to sigh and sit down into one of the back seats alone after introducing myself.47
Esme sat up front. (of course.... Goody too shoes)48
I sighed with nothing to do since the teacher won't let me do anything since he doesn't have any more books.49
After school I looked for that guy. 50
I walked outside and found him.51
I walked to him.52
"Um... hey, here's your jacket back." I said giving it to him.53
He looked at me glaring then took the jacket threw it on his motorcycle.54
He was shaking.55
"Um.... Bye?" I said not sure what was going on.56
No body was in the parking lot beside these other teen boys in a group watching this boy beside me.57
I turned to go then it happened.58
I turned back around only to find a claw rip my face all the way down to my arm.59
I blacked out.60
But I heard the boys coming after me and the wolf or whatever it was.61
"Geez, Jake... Find the right girl and messed up un able to control your anger." Was the last thing I heard.62
I woke up with a person above me finishing the stitches on my arm. 63
"Ah, I see you woke up, Miss Megan," the person said.64
"I'm Doctor Cullen. Call me Carlisle. This is my son Edward and his sister Alice." 65
"How do you know my name?" I aksed wondering how these beautiful people exist.66
"Your mother. I knew you since you've been born." He replied placing guaze on my arm.67
Will she find out about this?68
The boy from school was asleep on the floor sitting up, his head in my other hand.69
"That's Jacob Black. But he refers to Jake." Stated Edward with acid in his tone.70
"Jake?...." I tried his name.71
Jake woke up at he sound of his name.72
"How is she doc?" Jake asked staring at me most of the time.73
"Stitches here and there but other than that she'll be fine." Carlisle replied softly.74
Jake flinched and held my hand.75
His skin was like fire to my soft touch.76
Worry was in his eyes; like he was never forget this.77
I stared at his dark chocolate brown eyes.78
"Um... Hey?" I whispered quietly.79
"Hey... You ok?" Jake asked quietly as if he was trying not to scare me.80
"I feel fine..... Are you ok?" I whispered.81
"Yea. Good thing I was there to save a pretty girl like you from a wolf," he said chuckling darkly to himself.82
"Thank you, Jacob... I mean... For saving me...." I said.83
Carlisle exused himself from the room.84
"So mutt... Who she?" Edward asked.85
"She is Maybeth's youngest daughter. Maybeth is my father's friend since they've been here." Jake replied still staring at me.86
"She goes by Alice. Her sister goes by Esme. I wonder where she got those names from," Edward said to himself thinking.87
"Edward...." Alice said quietly.88
"No.... They can't come back. But why come for her?" He asked Alice.89
"What? Who?" Jake asked.90
"The Volturi.... They plan on coming here for Megan," he answered quietly wondering if Jake really wanted to know.91
I fell back asleep as the pain relievers did their work once more.92
Jake PoV:93
She fell asleep as the bloo-, as Edward, explained what was going on.94
95
I growled as the bloo- Edward explained.96
"She visited Italy once... in Voltera?" I wondered.97
"That's where the Volturi are. But how did she escape from them when they feasted?" He murmured.98
"Hm..." Alice was thinking then slightly touches Megan's leg she gets electricified.99
"No wonder.... You ok Alice?" Edward asked helping Alice back up from the ground.100
She nodded.101
"Watch after her... It's my turn to do patrol." I said running outside into the woods and transformed in to my wolf form.102
103
(reviews to get the next chapter!!)104
Do you think Alice will watch her? Will Edward figure out what Megan's real power is?
Comments
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Hi Keisei, this story starts out well, but then it gets confusing.
I think you do what I use to do and that is; you only write down part of what is in your head.
Write it all down, because this didn't make any sense.
Write down detail, write down what it looks like where they live, what your characters look like.
Not all in one go, but throughout the story so your readers can get an idea of what this place looks like and what your characters look like. Show don't tell.
Make them real, by giving them habits, like one might bite her finger nails, when she is nervous, the other might play with her hair when she is nervous.
Why did they change their names? What is this wolf? Where did it come from, who is it?
It is like you just jumped right in without giving the reader any information of where, how, who, when, and what this story is doing.
You jump from scene to scene. Make each chapter one scene. Build up to your climatic scene.
This story has potential. Work with it Hon, and I bet you can make it a terrific story.
Read books on the subject you like and see how it is written. Read a lot and write a lot.
Storywrite has classes that are free, and they will really help you. Check them out.
Take care and keep writing

