I Hate That I Love Him 17

zomg i just realized how long its been since i've updated this story!!!1

well i have a pretty long one for you guys 2

i just got a new computer so i've been transferring and stuff, thats why its been so longg.3

love you guys <3 and sorry for the wait!!!4

tell me what you think (:5

~*6

“So…what’s on your mind?” Devin hesitated to answer as we walked alongside each other outside.7

“Well, just my parents and everything. I figured I'd talk to you, since you made me feel so much better the last time,” he said, smiling at me.8

“Well I’m here, and I’m glad I made you feel better,” I replied, smiling back at him.9

Devin and I talked, and the conversation changed from topic to topic, and we found ourselves outside on the grass.10

“So…where do we go from here?” Devin was running his fingers idly though the grass when he looked up at me.11

“W-what do you mean?”12

“Well…are we really going to pretend that we didn’t hook up the other day?” He continued to stare at me, and I couldn’t think of what to say.13

“Well…I don’t know, we shouldn’t pretend it didn’t happen, but I’m with Tristan,” I said, looking away from him.14

“But he cheated on you.”15

“No, it was all a misunderstanding, he didn’t cheat on me. He’s just friends with this girl that likes him and he crashed at her house and she picked up his phone while he was sleeping.” Now that I was repeating it, the story didn’t sound very genuine to me.16

“You should see your face, you don’t even believe that bullshit.” Devin was right; I didn’t believe it at all.17

“No, I believe it…I just…I don’t know,” I said, looking away from him, feeling tears forming in my eyes.18

“Don’t…don’t cry, Tristan’s not worth it Jasmine,” Devin said, rubbing my back.19

“I’m not worth what?” Devin and I looked up to see Tristan standing over us, his arms crossed.20

“You’re not worth her tears,” Devin said, standing up and facing Tristan.21

“You’re right. I’m not, because Jasmine shouldn’t ever cry for me, I hate knowing the fact that I made her sad enough to cry,” he responded sadly.22

“Yea, well I'd be pretty sad too if I found out my beloved boyfriend cheated on me.”23

“Wh-what? Jasmine, I already told you I didn’t cheat on you, Angela just likes me and she made all that stuff up. I love you baby, you know I wouldn’t cheat on you,” he said, looking directly into my eyes.24

“I…I need some air,” I said, feeling the tears pouring down as I got up and walked away from both of them.25

~*26

Knock, knock.27

I heard someone knocking on the front door, and to be honest, I wasn’t very thrilled to see who it was. I slowly dragged myself off the couch, putting my half-eaten tub of ice cream on the coffee table.28

I was half surprised to see Tristan standing there, since a lot of the times I’ve cried Devin’s been there for me instead of him.29

“What do you want?” 30

“What do you mean? I’m your boyfriend, I want you,” Tristan replied, moving inside and closing the door behind him.31

“Really? Do you now,” I said, folding my arms, “doesn’t really feel like it.”32

“Baby come on, you know that I love you,” he said, leaning down and brushing his lips against mine. My lips tingled, but I pushed him away from me.33

“Tristan, don’t give me that bullshit. Just leave me alone and let me get fat and eat my ice cream,” I said, flopping myself back down onto the couch.34

“You’re so cute,” he said, sitting down next to me and kissing me before I could stop him. 35

“Stop,” I said, pushing him off, “Tristan, just leave okay?”36

“Ssh,” he whispered, kissing my neck and wrapping his arms around me.37

“Stop,” I said firmly, pushing him off of me. Tristan sighed and leaned back in the chair, looking down at me.38

“What’s wrong baby? Talk to me,” he said, concern clear in his eyes.39

“Nothing, just…I can’t force myself to believe that you didn’t cheat on me. I mean Tristan, in these past 7 months I’ve had some of the best times of my life, but you cheated on me, and you should own up to it.”40

“Baby, I didn’t cheat on you! If I did I would have owned up to it, because I respect you. Angela is just a friend, yea, she likes me, but we’re just friends. You’re the only one for me and I don’t know why you’re letting Devin change your opinion.” 41

“Devin’s not changing my opinion, he just made me realize how stupid that story was. ‘Oh yea, she’s my friend and I slept in her house, in her bed and she answered my phone. But no, we didn’t do anything.’ Cause that makes a whole lot of sense,” I said sarcastically, and the look of hurt on Tristan’s face made me regret it slightly.42

“Jasmine, whatever, I can’t try to convince you if you just don’t believe me. I have to go,” he said, getting up and moving over to the door. He looked back and kissed me softly before leaving.43

~*44

“Hey,” I said, walking up to Devin. He smiled and said hi back.45

“So what’s up?” 46

“Same old, what about you? You look sad, something happen? Tell me,” he said, looking at me with concern.47

“Nothing, Tristan just came over and he kept trying to kiss me and stuff, and I wouldn’t let him. He like, asked me what was wrong and I told him that I didn’t believe that he didn’t cheat on me and he was basically just like ‘I respect you and I'd tell you’ and it was just really stupid. I’m fine though.”48

“Jasmine…you sure you okay? You really don’t seem like it,” he said reaching out to touch my arm.49

“I’m fine,” I snapped back. I didn’t mean to, and Devin moved his hand back quickly.50

“O-okay, I’m sorry. I’ll see you later I guess?” Devin waited, and when I shrugged he walked away.51

I felt bad for snapping at him, but I'd fix it later, I didn’t really want to talk to anyone right now.52

~*53

“Hey baby,” Tristan said, walking over to me, kissing me on the cheek softly, “I’m sorry about last time. Can we talk tonight? Or…I’ll walk you home and we can talk?”54

“Yea, I’d like that,” I said, smiling at him, “and I’m sorry too.”55

“So how was your weekend? It’s the one of the first ones I haven’t spent with you,” he said sadly, grabbing my hand and intertwining his fingers with mine.56

“It was okay,” I said shrugging, “I would rather have spent it with you. But I have to get to class, so I’ll see you after school right?”57

“Yea,” he said, smiling flatly, “I love you baby.”58

“I love you too.”59

~*60

“Hi,” I said, smiling brightly at Tristan. I’d thought about him all day, and I decided that I’d forgive him, whether he cheated on me or not, because the fact was, that I actually had cheated on him.61

“Hey baby,” he said kissing me softly before taking my hand as we walked outside.62

“So…I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” I started, looking down at my feet.63

“It’s okay,” he responded softly, and I felt him shrug, “it’s not a very believable story. But it’s the truth, and I want you to know that.”64

“I know. I believe you. Because I love you, and I trust you,” I said, kissing him softly.65

“So…what are you doing tonight? Or right now,” he said, laughing before kissing me again.66

“Nothing, you wanna come over? We could hang out,” I whispered, biting his lip softly as I dragged a hand down to his waistband.67

“O-oh,” he said, shuddering, “yea, sure. Let’s hang out. Right now.”68

~*69

I pushed the door to my bedroom open, barely able to contain myself as I kissed Tristan, pushing him down on the bed.70

“F-fuck,” he moaned, running his hand up my shirt as he kissed my neck, biting softly.71

“Tristan,” I moaned, pulling his shirt off and tossing it off my bed, “I love you.”72

“I love you too baby,” he whispered, biting my neck softly as he pulled me on top of him.73

“Wait,” I said, pulling away from him. I needed to own up, I would want the same from him, and I should tell him the truth.74

“What’s wrong?” Tristan sat up, folding his legs and looking at me intently.75

“I…I cheated on you,” I said, biting my lip, unable to turn and look at him. He didn’t say anything, or move at all, and I felt the tears start to pour down my face at the thought that he’d leave me.76

“Who did you cheat on me with?” I could tell he was either trying to hold back tears or anger, and I’m sure he knew it was Devin.77

“D…Devin,” I said softly, and he cursed loudly, as he started to get up. 78

“N-no, wait,” I whispered, grabbing at him, but he shook me off violently as he pulled his shirt over his head.79

“For what? So you can tell me that you had sex with him too?”80

“No! I didn’t have sex with him. And it was when I thought you cheated on me, I called him because I needed someone to talk to, and we kissed and…I don’t know what I was thinking, but Tristan, I’m telling you because I fucking love you okay? And I respect you enough to own up to it. And even though it’d be so much easier to not tell you and not hurt you or me, I have to. And I don’t want you to leave me, because you’re my whole world,” I said honestly, tears still pouring down my face. 81

“Jasmine…I don’t even know what to say,” he whispered, tears beginning to flow down his face freely.82

“Don’t say anything…Just come here,” I said, pulling him back down next to me, “no matter what, I love you. And I’m sorry.”83

“I think…I think we need to take a break,” he said, looking directly into my eyes. I could see the reluctance in his eyes, but I didn’t want a break, I wanted to be with him.84

“But…but I wanna be with you. I don’t need a break to figure out my feelings for you, and to see if I still want you after seeing other people,” I said looking up into his eyes, it was the truth, “I know how breaks go. You take a break to figure everything out, and then you end up breaking up. And I don’t want that Tristan, I want you.”85

“Jasmine, I don’t need a break for that. I need a break because I need to think, and I know if we’re together while I’m thinking it’ll be so much harder for me to make the right decision. Jasmine, you’re an incredible girl, and I need time away from you to decide if I really want to be with you,” he said softly.86

“Okay,” I said sadly, “I’m really sorry though. And the only reason I didn’t push him away was because I was so mad at you because I thought you cheated on me.”87

“Jasmine, I know, but it hurts even more because it was Devin. Because I know there were feelings there, and I still think that there are,” he said sadly, looking down at me, “I do love you Jasmine, and believe me, I don’t want to take a break, but I know that we should.”88