“So.” 1
He smoothes his large hand
across the tablecloth his teeth click
the way they always had when he is nervous.
Funny
how he hasn’t changed at all and I have changed so much.2
“So.”3
“H-4
How’ve you been holding up?” 5
His eyes disturb me. I remember
looking into them as a child
and wondering what went on behind them, what
powerful, adult thoughts circled his mind.
Now, they just look empty. The creases outside of them have turned
deeper, with more pronounced wrinkles lining his soft forehead and fleshy chin. 6
His face looks worried. 7
He eyes me thoughtlessly, like
an anxious animal awaiting its punishment.
That’s what he is.
A terrified animal
pressed against its cage.
I choose to terrify him more.8
“Well.” I switch my chin to my right hand,
holding onto my cigarette with the other.
“I’ve gotten pregnant two times had miscarriages for both suffered a heart attack
got into meth can’t stop smoking been drunk on late nights with
men I don’t know been arrested twice and lost my job recently.”
I smile. “It’s been tough.”9
He gently reaches for the hand
with the cigarette and pushes it down.
His eyes are wide,
beads of sweat pool into his wrinkles
as they deepen. He coughs. 10
The sweat disappears.11
His eyes turn blue again
and I suddenly
wish for that meth I mentioned.
I want to go to a party,
look into someone else’s eyes and see the black pupils
grow thicker and turn small again,
change color as whorls of yellow and blue
glitter across the pool of color from the drug.
Stare into someone’s eyes and
dance on silver platforms and
sweat someone else’s sweat while
someone sweats mine.
I tremble slightly at the desire and
slip my hand away from his,
the cigarette still burning lightly,
fragile ash orange with quiet flames. 12
He looks puzzled.
He wants to ask questions, but
he doesn’t want me to run away again.
He clears his throat and
his eyes cross over as he tries to calm
his clicking teeth. 13
“Why did you want to see me?”
I want to go.
I feel them call for me and
my body aches. 14
“Your mother died.”
He is trying to be blunt,
trying to spare me the pain of
hearing the news, but
I feel nothing.
I shrug.15
“She was sick too long.
It’s better.”
He nods; his eyes pool.16
“I-”
Cough.17
“I want you to come back.
I’ve been ill, too.
I... miss you.”
Lies.
I smile and
wish I can laugh but he’s already
afraid of me, terrified.
We’ve switched places. 18
“I really miss you.” 19
Lieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies
Lieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies
lieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies
liesliesliesliesliesliesliesliesliesliesliesli
eslieslieslieslieslie
slieslieslieslieslies lieslieslieslie
slieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslieslies20
“No you don’t.” 21
“…What?”22
“You don’t miss me.
You just want someone to do the work for you.
Screw it.
I’m not soft like Mom.”
I get up
my purse is sweaty in my hand and
my heels are slippery on
the polished floor.
He looks like he is going to run after me
again but he doesn’t.
He picks up the cigarette I left smoldering
on the cream colored table and stares at it
twirling the thin stalk between his fingers and
flicking ash across the cloth a
look of fallen wonderment on his soft face.
I try to summon a feeling of sympathy,
nostalgia,
but nothing comes.
The door opens swiftly and
I click out of the café, never looking back. 23
Author notes
She's a drug addict, he's a former alchoholic.. nuff said.
A contest entry
- Option Contest!!! ENTER IF YOU DARE!!!!! by Sheilasbabygal4life.
100 points, ended October 22, 54 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Some small typos and such, but overall, you certainly know how to throw a short story! Excellent emotion and of course, lack thereof. Wonderful story.
~Etch
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Almost forgot:
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Whoa. The entire Para. 9 is very heart-breakingly sad. I like this entire story, its very emotional. I really like Para. 18 & 19, although I think Para. 20 is uncessary.
I absolutley love Para. 23! Excellent story! -
Excellent. Emotional and very well written. I noticed you forgot a few commas but I know a lot of people who have trouble with commas. Great work.
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Its so good. Well written.
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That is really sad. If this is based on your own life and experiences, i'm sorry. It was brilliant, and very well written. This story makes me appreciate that my relationship with my mother will never be like this.....
On a scale of one to ten, i would give it a twelve!!!!
Amazing, great job.beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Wow
That was impressive. Terribly depressing but I think that is kinda what you were going for. You can feel the need and pain of both characters. Nice descriptions too. And tying the drugs in with the the fathers eyes was very nice. good job.
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I thought this was an very well written scene.
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Oh that was wonderful! I loved the begining and how you started it — I give you two thumbs up.
Hehe... 
Well, I totally understand the plot of the story — a drug addict right? That's what my grandmother was until she died, so, again, I totally understand and I love the way that you put it into words. I give you another thumbs up. Great job and keep it up!!
kokofuto
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I love how it was poetic and so depressing. She remembers her father with nothing but hatred an anger. You describe him as a terrified animal and that really sets the impact of his character at great lengths.
She's a drug addict, he's a former alcoholic. History repeating itself in the worst way. Someone needs to take a stand to stop this trend and the father tries, but his efforts are futile because he doesn't even take the effort to save his daughter like he should.
As for the father, former alcoholic and death nearing him makes his empty, thoughtless eyes more powerful. A man who made the wrong choices in life is now suffering as he watches his daughter do the same.
Awesome.
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Devastating One Up
This is a game no one wins. Vivid images, emotions or lack thereof. -
This could be a play..Like..A miniature poetic opera on stage, between performance & death, between loosening yourself up for What Is..What Lies Beneathe..As you've captured here, & the only fault I have is it's on a screen, & not recited by you, personally, as the best poetry comes from the lips of the painter's tongue.
Everyone else said it for me.
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Wow this was just awesome. Keep up the good work and you'll just be so brilliant. I just really liked this story. Just watch out there lots of competioton out there
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Top marks on style. It works so well, lyrical and as impactful as a fist in the face.
The pervading sense of sadness is very strong, as is the need to escape into a meth high.
Interesting, insightful and powerful.
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Nicely done, thought-provoking. I like the discription of intoxication with drug-use. The piece doesn't give away that the man is a former alcoholic though... not sure if that's what you were going for.
The format it's written in can be quite confusing as you've appeared to miss out some punctuation marks. Needs a bit of work but the foundation is solid.beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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Well, well, Olinda. Pretty, pretty good! Painful, but quite good.
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This is a very interesting piece of prose. I like the way you've written it, as if it were a poem, almost. Very unique.
This is a sad story, but one that is true for many people. Thank you for sharing it.
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