I knew what was happening. I just couldn’t believe it. All I could do was prepare, prepare for the battle to come. I had no experience, surely he wouldn’t kill me. I had done nothing wrong. I felt helpless; waiting for death to come for me on hopeful swift wings. 1
Fwump!! I had lost already? I had, for my body was knocked to the ground before I could even blink.2
Darkness was creeping in. Over his face. I could hear no words. Feel no pain except for the leather gloves around my neck. Only fear pulsing at my heart, making it harder to breathe. Only cold words stabbed me with every moment I wasted alive. Each painful heartbeat I heard the words: I will die. I will die. I will...3
Author notes
This is the main novel I've been working on for say... Two years now? It's only got at least eleven chapters left and I decided it should be time for me to post it. What's your reaction? More chapters are coming, but I wanted to know.
In a list
Comments
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First of all, I have to say wheew, the background is a little distracting. You've got the whole McDonalds red and yellow thing going on here. I would suggest an easier to read background please (:
Anywho, this was very interesting to read. It left me hanging, wanting to know what is going to happen and why it is happening? I noticed a few grammar errors, but nothing too bad.
First three sentences in paragraph 3 could be combined into one sentence to make the flow better. So instead of "Darkness was creeping in. Over his face." you could say "Darkness was creeping in over his face, I could hear no words." Then go on saying "I felt no pain excpet..." etc.
I enjoyed it and look forward to reading further (:
Ink
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Sorry! lol. These are the book colors lol. My bad if they were so blinding.
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