No matter how far, wiether you are here are not. I plan on waiting for you.1
It was a cloudy october morning. Melissa Newcamp was just waking up, just as she was was stepping out of the shower her nother yelled up the stiars.2
"Izzy, Jake is here. Come down here"3
"Comming mom! I have to get dressed I'll be down in a minute."4
She rushed through getting dressed and went down stairs quickly, Thier she saw the love of her life, the air she breathed. She loved him dearly. She hugged him and invited him outside for a walk. They got down to the park, She sat on a swing. He had'nt said a word the whole time they were together today. 5
"Whats wrong Jake?"6
"Izzy... I'm so sorry I love you but I have to break up with you."7
"If you love me then why?" she said with tears beginning to bud in her eyes.8
"This just does'nt feel right" 9
She got up and ran all the way home. She cryed everyday from Saturday-Sunday. Jake was'nt at school all week. She could'nt help but wonder where he could be. That day when she got home, she called him and his mother picked up the phone and she was crying.10
"Hello?"11
"Is everything okay?"12
"What do you need Melissa?"13
"I...is Jake there?"14
His mom began to cry again.15
"Melissa, I can't believe Jake did'nt tell you. He had cancer... he died this morning."16
Mellisa hung up the phone and went upstiars and cryed and cryed. She went to the funeral and his mother gave him a note from Jake. She read it when she got home the letter said.17
Dear Melissa,18
I love you with all of my heart. I know I proably hurt you the day at the park. I'm so so sorry I did'nt tell you. I know I should have, but I did'nt want to put you in a worse spot then you were in. I don't expect you to wait for me. Fall in love, Have children, live your life in the way I could'nt. I love you forever Melissa.19
Love, jake <320
she kept that letter forever and even though she did get married and had 4 kids 10 years later. She never got over Jake and told him the day she died, he would be the first person she would see in heaven. Melissa Newcamp died at the age of 44 in a car accident. She saw the light and behind the light there was love. Jake.
What do you think?
Comments
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Eh,
seems like a typical story, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of the mushy-lovey-dubby true stories & meanings, but it feels like one of those copy paste bulletins you get in myspace. The grammar was off, which deterred from the meaning of the story, & it never really 'hooked' me in to caring why Izzy loves Jake or why Jake loves Izzy or how he came to get cancer or why the reader should care about these characters at all..It just didn't resonate well with me, because it's not believable. & not to be harsh here, I just think you have to keep working on this story, because I can sense a mini-series here full of back stories & interesting lives being unfolded.
beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 1.
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