...and I dream.1
I am in a place I often go, a house, a rambling house that seems to haunt my very existance. I cannot flee from it. 2
I am inside it, but, somehow, it is inside me--and I am it--with it's rotting, perfect walls and coridors smelling of things past and best forgotten. But, somehow, I know them all. I know all of the undifinable horrors that have happened here. I feel fear. I cannot put into words these things, but I feel them, and I know them. 3
I am in a foyer, somehow I have come through the doors without realizing it. Somehow, I know there is no outside. No blackness, no pit, no 'nothing', but there is no outside. There is only this house, this shining, beautiful house that is rotten...like a beautiful woman that is dead in a casket.4
I know there is something upstairs. I know there is some one upstairs. I do not want to face the thing, the person. 5
I look over the edge of the balcony and tremble because whatever it is, is behind me. How did I get here? I know I flew up here. From where? Oh, somebody help me!6
...and I awake gasping for air.7
Author notes
This is how my dreams are, really.
But this isn't a particular one.
Go ahead and leave any feedback you want, even if it's idiferent, or it's the most terrible thing you've ever read (I'd like to know!)
A contest entry
- Make me a Dream! by corrupthoughts.
300 points, ended October 12, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
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Comments
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Oops!
Sorry... that is supposed to be; "SHOW" your reader, not, "Tell"... I wrote it the other way around. -
Hmm.. I like the concept of this a lot. You describe the place well, it's descriptive and I get a cold feeling... however, I don't feel your fear or confusion nearly as much. I took a class once that stressed the point of telling not showing. So instead of just saying; "I know there is something upstairs. I know there is some one upstairs. I do not want to face the thing, the person." -- Add on the physical feeling you get from it. Does it make your hands sweat? did your pulse quicken? etc..
I really like this simile a lot though; "beautiful house that is rotten...like a beautiful woman that is dead in a casket"-- that one was a good choice for the setting. But I would find a synonym for rotten, since you used it a bit before as well (id probably change the beginning and leave rotten in that line)
It would have been nice if this was a little longer, but I did enjoy it, it was creepy and I felt that. I also liked how he/you just knew that there was nothing else but this house.
Thank’s for entering and good luck!
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