I couldn't be what he wanted

It seemed to be one of the best relationships of my life, I had been dating Kevin for a few months and things were going great. We hadn't had any big fights, well except for a few minor disagreements and he was all I could ever think about. I may have even been falling in love with him. 1

We spend hours on the phone, and all day texting my family got annoyed with me using all the minutes on our family plan. It didn't bother me though. Just hearing his voice could make a bad day seem better. Kevin was always so sweet telling me how he loved me and how beautiful I was. No other guy had ever been so nice to me, or so it seemed.2

One night I went to a college basketball game. Kevin was going to try to come with me, but his mom hated my guts and wouldn't allow him to go. I ended up hanging out with some friends instead. That night he was texting me and wanted to tell me something, but wasn't sure if I'd get mad at him or not. 3

It was making me mad that he wouldn't tell me. It absolutely drives me insane when people keep secrets from me. I wasn't sure if he was going to break up with me or what. 4

me: please tell me already come on5

Kevin: Well I don't want you to get mad6

me: If you love me you'll tell me 7

Kevin: Ugh why do you always have to use that against me fine I'll tell you, but you have to promise not to get mad.8

me: ok ok I promise, now what is it?9

Kevin: Well I think that since we never get to see each other we should have friends with benefits. 10

me: ...11

Kevin: You're mad already aren't you?12

me: no...13

Kevin: Well my mom never lets me see you and I have needs that you can't fulfill being 45 minutes away.14

me: What needs?15

Kevin: You know sex, and stuff...?16

me: yeah, but I thought you said you wanted your first time to be with me? I told you I would fuck you.17

Kevin: Well I do, but it doesn't seem likes it's going to happen anytime soon, because we never see each other.18

me: Yeah, but last week I told you we would the next time I saw you.19

Kevin: I know, but you're always busy, and I promise I wouldn't go all the way, just everything but with them… You can have one too.20

me: Well ok...21

Kevin: so you want to?22

me: If it makes you happy =/23

Kevin: ok sweet well my mom's bugging me I gotta go love you24

me: BYE25

I sat there in shock. Things had been going so well, and now he didn't seem to care about me. All he was in for was the sex. That made me feel great. Then I figured he still loved me for my personality so I decided to find someone to mess around with.26

Still I kind of felt used, and unwanted. Tears were stinging my eyes a little bit. My friend Mikey noticed, "Hey are you ok? You're being really quiet."27

"I'm fine." I lied. 28

"Ok, well the games almost over let's just leave. We're losing too bad, and I really hate to watch us get smoked again." Mikey said.29

"You're an idiot it's only the second quarter the score is 60 to 0?!" 30

"Yeah so let's get out of here, and maybe you'll tell me why you're being so quiet." Mikey said as we got up. 31

As easy as it would be to tell Mikey I just didn't want to. He would tell me to just dump Kevin, and get over him already. Mikey hated Kevin, and didn't get why I wasted my time with him so there was no way he would understand this.32

We got out to the car, and Mikey looked over at me with his dumb puppy dog eyes. "What's wrong. Come on tell me please!!!" he complained. I just laughed Mikey could be such an idiot. He rolled his eyes and got in the car.33

As we drove back home I looked at my phone. No messages from Kevin. I was so paranoid, about what was going on. He was probably hitting it off with some girl right now, and forgetting about me.34

I gave up, I couldn't do this. I wasn't going to sit around he had probably just been using me all along hoping I would get in his pants. 35

me: Look I really don't want to do this friends with benefits thing anymore, it just feels like your cheating on me. Can we just date and have things just be normal again? 36

Kevin: I don't get what the big deal is it's just friends with benefits37

me: But you have me so why do you need one? I thought you said you loved me.38

Kevin: I do, but come on a guy has got to have some pleasure in his life. You don't get it! 39

Me: Whatever you're dumb! Is this all you wanted all along? Did you just want me to fuck you? I thought you actually cared.40

Kevin: I do, but please can I just have one, I mean I've always had a friend with benefits41

me: You've had one all along, and didn't tell me? Kevin wtf? I thought I could trust you. You fucking lied to me!42

Kevin: Well only, because you wouldn't understand! You're such a prude you don't get anything!43

Me: Yeah right Kevin, I told you I would do stuff, but I didn't want to get used again for once in my life, and you don't get that? What else haven't you told me?44

Kevin: A lot, because you don't understand anything. You think everything I do is bad that's why I don't tell you anything, but if you really want to know I guess I'll tell you.45

me: Ok then tell me46

Kevin: I got my ex girlfriend pregnant and she has a kid named Piper, but the thing is?47

My anger was boiling up. He had a kid and didn't tell me. I would have understood everyone makes mistakes, my friend had a kid and I never judged her. He could have lied about anything but nothing this big. I didn't even want to know what he would say next.48

Kevin: She's pregnant with another kid a couple months back we both got drunk and it just happened Can I just call you it probably sounds really bad through text.49

Me: Fine go ahead >50

Mikey noticed that I was fuming. "What happened? Is it..."51

Then I grabbed my phone. "You fucked her, and didn't tell me! I told you that one time when I got drunk and sucked Fred's cock, and you got so fucking pissed, and look what you did!" 52

"Shut the fuck up you don't get it! We made a mistake you liked Fred. I don't like my ex! She means nothing to me. Yolanda means nothing to me!" Kevin tried to explain.53

"Then why did you fuck her? How could you Kevin! I told you I loved you, and you said you wouldn't cheat! I was dumb then I learned my lesson I never wanted to hurt you again! You fucking know that Kevin you fucking know!" I screamed. I felt Mikey pull the car over, but I didn't care.54

"It was a mistake you're such a fucking hypocrite if you would have done this you would have never thought it was a big deal!" Kevin screamed back.55

"You fucking lied and told me you were still a virgin, but you've been going behind my back fucking different chicks! What the hell is your problem! Does your little ex girlfriend know you're dating me? Is there more girls?" I shouted. 56

"Fuck off I have another call!" Kevin shouted.57

"Fuck you you're a fucking liar! I hate you I swear I fucking hate you!" I screamed. Tears ran down my face, and I started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt like I was going to puke. Mikey looked over at me. 58

"Hey Janie it's going to be ok, I know you'll find someone better." Mikey said, and hugged me. I hugged him back. Tears kept running down my face, I couldn't even see. "Aww Janie, don't cry over him. He doesn't deserve you anyways." Mikey tried to be comforting.59

"It doesn't matter. I'm done with guys this always happens! I always get cheated on and used, I might was well just disappear." I sobbed in self pity. 60

"No don't say that, everyone makes mistakes you'll find the right guy. I know you will, you just need a break from all their shit that's all." Mikey said, as he wiped my tears away. I tried to control myself, and didn't say anything for a while.61

"Thanks for not saying I told you so Mikey." I said. 62

"Your welcome. Are you sure you're going to be ok for the ride home?" he asked. I nodded. Mikey started driving again. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I took my phone out of my pocket and noticed I had 4 new voicemails, and a lot of messages. 63

I looked and saw that I had 5 missed calls from Kevin. I didn't know what he wanted now. I listened to my voicemails first. All four said the same thing, "I'm sorry for what I did, and I shouldn't have yelled at you, but I have to talk to you call me back." I sighed, and I didn't want to call him back, but I knew I would have to eventually. 64

I decided to do it later. Mikey dropped me off at home, and asked 5 million times if I would be ok. He called me and told me to call him if I needed him. I loved Mikey, he was the nicest friend I could ask for. Despite all the stupid things I had done he never judged me. 65

Reluctantly I called Kevin back. "Hey Janie." He said quietly. He sounded upset. I listened as he started sobbing.66

"Kevin what is it?" I asked suddenly worried. Although I was infuriated with him right then, I still didn't want him to be sad. 67

"Y-Y-Yolanda's p-p-p-pregnant again…" he said between sobs. I broke I couldn't believe what I was hearing. My heart broke, and I wished I had a razor blade, all I could think was, what did I do wrong this is my fault! Tears filled my eyes, and ran down my cheeks. My love was lying to me, everything we had been through didn't matter anymore it was all a lie! 68