Sweeney Todd Remix

Once upon a time there was a barber named Benjamin Barker. He had a really beautiful wife and an infant daughter. Unfortunately, there was a judge who liked Ben's wife. He sent Benny to jail on a false charge, then raped his wife. 1

Then Benjamin got out of jail. He was prepared to hear that Judge Turpan had raped Lucy, and she had killed herself. So, he changed his name to Sweeney Todd and prepared a sweet quote to say to Mrs. Lovett: "No. Not Barker. That man is dead. It's Todd now. Sweeney Todd. And he will have his revenge." But when he got back to London, he found Lucy waiting for him with a fifteen year old daughter, Johanna. They were living happily as a family and waiting for Ben to come home. When Sweeney saw them, he sent Johanna to her room so he could have a talk with Lucy. 2

"Where is the Judge?"3

"I killed him."4

"What?"5

"He raped me, so I killed him."6

"What? That was my revenge! You took my revenge! I wanted that revenge! How dare you take my revenge? How am I supposed to kill him when you've already killed him?"7

"Well, I figured..."8

"I hate you. I want a divorce."9

"Well, what a coincidence. So do I."10

"Fine. But I get Johanna. I need to meet her. My own daughter's 15 and I don't even know her!"11

"Thank you! I was afraid you'd say that I had to take her. I'm sick and tired of dealing with her stupid teenage girl issues."12

Well, Sweeney took Johanna and moved in with Mrs. Lovett. And he did have to listen to teenage girl issues.13

"Daddy, there's this really cute guy at school..."14

"What's his name?"15

"Anthony..."16

"I don't like that name. It gives me a weird feeling. Do you like him?"17

"Yes, Daddy! I have a huge crush on him, and I think he might ask me out! He has the most beautiful singing voice-"18

"What does he sing about?"19

"Me!"20

"What about you?"21

"Oh, mostly about how beautiful I am and how he wishes he was sleeping with me."22

"WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"23

"Oh Daddy, it's harmless. Anyway, if he asks me out, may I have your permission?"24

"What do you mean by 'asks you out'?"25

"Oh, Daddy, elopes with me, of course!"26

"No!"27

"Oh, Daddy, please...?"28

This went on. Meanwhile, Sweeney was really mad about his wife taking his revenge for him, so he went and had an affair with Mrs. Lovett just to make her mad. The divorce wasn't final yet. 29

One day, he got so mad that he decided to kill Lucy. So he did. But it turned out that it was actually Johanna, dressed up as Lucy. So Sweeney figured that if he found somebody who looked exactly like Johanna, it would probably be Lucy. So he found somebody who looked exactly like Johanna and killed her. It was actually Toby, the son he had had with Mrs. Lovett. So next, he killed the person who looked like Toby, hoping to kill Lucy. But it was actually Anthony. By now, he was really mad. He decided the only way to be sure to kill Lucy was to kill the person who looked like Anthony. But the person who looked like Anthony was actually Mrs. Lovett. So he killed the person who looked like Mrs. Lovett, figuring that this was the last person left, so it had to be Lucy. But it was Judge Turpan. 30

WHAT?!?!?!?! WASN'T HE DEAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Sweeney Todd was incredibly mad at Lucy now. Turpan had been alive this whole time! At this point, he was so mad that he just killed himself. 31

Lucy lived.