The weight was crushing. Fire burned my chest, restricting the air coming and going from my lungs. I could feel the band across my chest tightening. With every breath it squeezed, my ribs rubbed together, screaming out in protest.1
It was dark when I cracked open an eye. It took a few moments, a few blinks before the fuzzy ball of gray light brightened.2
There was Quinn, blurry but chained. I could see the links, the glint of torch light reflecting off the gray chains. The cuffs that bound him showed wear along Quinn's limbs. His skin was chaffed, red and ugly.3
His multi-colored, scaled snout was muzzled, but I watched him fighting against the bindings. His anger was like waves of an crushing sea, beating itself against the cliffs.4
He called out to me. Screaming my name, anger and panic was in every word. It brought me to my knees.5
My limited breathing was completely cut off. Someone was calling me. Someone desperate, and concerned. Quinn disappeared, fading into the smoke of the bonfires at restday celebration. The smoke dissipated and the air cleared.6
***7
A vague, round shape, blurry, hovered above me. Long gray strings hung from the pale image. I blinked a time or two, trying to focus. The lower half opened and a dark patch appeared.8
"Sabrina?" The soft sound floated through the thick air, echoing. It was heavy like a rock. I thought I should have been able to reach out and touch it.9
"Sabrina?" the image asked again, only clearer. The tinny echoing had lessened. A warm weight pressed against my cold shoulder.10
A similar shape swam beside the first. "Can you understand me?" it asked with the same black patch. 11
"How can shapes talk?" I asked around the cotton in my mouth.12
"What?" The shapes were confused. I started giggling. This was a very strange dream, but it was amusing.13
Their voices blended together as they integrated themselves. Then separating to form two ovals.14
The room beyond the blobs became clearer. A bamboo roof was over them. It's straight lines rounded the backdrop.15
As I focused on the gaps in the roof, Kyle's curly blond hair lite up like an angel's halo surrounding him and I sighed in relief. Reaching up I stroked his cheek. The stubble tickled my fingertips, the roughness tingling up my arm.16
"Kyle?" I asked.17
"Yes," he breathed. Relief was evident in the sound. 18
***19
I winced as I slid my body into a sitting position. Kyle made a move, as if he was going to help me, and I waved him away. I swung my feet to the floor.20
I was barefooted and as usual the rough floor was cold. Why wasn't there a rug? I asked myself.21
The sweet candle burned on the small table beside the bed, giving off the soothing smell of lavender.22
Masterhealer Sage had been the second blob I had seen when I'd awaken. He had checked me over thoroughly and stated I was ok to go.23
Beside Kyle Ayita sat, legs tucked under her and hands folded on her lap. She looked worried, scrunched into the corner.24
I could see the fresh bandage around Kyle's waist. Masterhearler must have looked at him while I was knocked out.25
"How are you feeling?" I asked him.26
"I'm all right. It's you I'm worried about." He came to the bed and sat beside me.27
"W 'as'worried about ya, Dragonmas'er," Ayita spoke up.28
"Yes, we were, are," he said as he laid a rough hand over mine. "What happened? One minutes your were helping me to the healers and then the next you were screaming, holding your head and then you passed out. It took both Ayita and I to get you here."29
I looked at him for a bit. His tracker's tan was lighter, he was pale. His eyes were wide with concern and circles of pale purple added to his haggard look. Blood and dirt still stained his shirt, but his hands and face were clean.30
Ayita looked better than either of us. Her clothes were still worn and stitched together, but they were clean. Her short, coal black hair was a mess. Leaves and twigs stuck out from the mess.31
"Quinn. Quinn is here. He called out to me. Loud and angry and very scared. But he's here in this world."32
"We mus' repor' 't Mas'er Ruben," Ayita stated, standing up suddenly.33
I waved her back down, like I did with Kyle, "Later, right now I need to tell you about Quinn."34
Ayita sat back down and Kyle turned to me. "Quinn is being held in a cave here."35
"How do you know its a cave?" asked Kyle.36
I took my hand out from under his. I tucked a stray hair behind my ear. "It was dark, but I could feel the sharp edges of rocks in the walls. The floor was open and smooth, so it had been used a lot."37
"Ok, th' sounds like a cave, bu'-"38
"Any other markings?" Kyle interrupted Ayita. "Something to tell us where he is?"39
I shook my head. "Not yet, but I keep remembering as I go."40
Both Ayita and Kyle nodded.41
"Ok, so help me find my shoes and then we'll go see Master Ruben. By the time we get there I should know more."42
My shoes were tucked under the bed. Right where I would have put them in my own room, strange.
Author notes
Only part of the part 
was posted before. Now the whole part is posted. 10/12/09
In a list
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I got behind, so had to catch up before going on. I hope they find Quinn okay.
Trish
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Good morning Brooke, just having a ‘fun’ read with my last coffee
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I always enjoy the sections of this tale when you post them. I’m sorry I don’t comment more often when I get to read them.
You have polished this up nicely, so while I feel guilty for not editing, I didn’t 'see’ anything so annoying it interrupted the flow
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You already have a couple of ‘Good’ Critters and I’m spread so thin lately my color isn’t showing through the bread
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just to show you my eagle eye is still active 
; One minutes (minute) your (you) were helping me to the healers and then the next you were screaming, holding your head (,) and then you passed out. It took both Ayita and I (me) to get you here."29
Geri
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Aw Geri, your comments are always welcome. I do appreciate you stopping by and finding those errors. Will get right on them.
again thank you
Brooke
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Hey Brooke,
Looks like Quinn may be rescued before too much longer. Glad to see everyone's okay. Not sure what you're trying to do with Ayita, but, for me at least, her speech breaks up the flow of the story. Anyway, this was a good installment and I'm looking forward to the next.
I did notice one thing no one mentioned.
Para16-line1 Kyle's hair (lit) up.
That's it
Steve
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Ayita is uneducated and talks in a broken form of their language. I'm sorry it breaks up the flow, but I'm not sure how to write her accent if I don't do it this way
Thank you for continuing to read this and for you helpful comments
Brooke
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Usually I eschew reading a chapter of a larger work as one can't edit or critique a single piece of a puzzle. But I felt I should return a favour, so I'll relate my thoughts as they came.
Surreal and poetic, most of these paragraphs flow nicely, though I can't draw an image from paragraph 8. Obviously I've missed a lot, but from what I read here I find intriguing (the sign of a good writer working on a good story).
Also, some of the sentences struck me as short and choppy (is this still in drafting stages?) Original passages, though "it asked with the same black patch" and "I asked around the cotton in my mouth" struck me as odd.
Umm. That's about it. I know I don't have much to offer. Still, you get some few more clappies and their points out of the deal :-)
Dw
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Yes, it is still in the drafting stages, most of my work is
'it asked with the same black patch' doesn't make much sense to me reading it like that. I'll have to find other way to describe a mouth opening to a person just coming to
As for the 'I asked around the cotton in my mouth' I was, at least I had hoped, was talking as if the characters tongue was swollen or hadn't talked in awhile and it was hard to talk. Have you ever had you teeth yanked and then your mouth packed with cotton? Trying to talk around the cotton is very hard.
Paragraph 8, yep, knew I needed to work on that one. Thanks though.
I do appreciate you returning the favor, though I did not except it nor expect it from people I read.
Thanks again.
Brooke
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Good descriptive imagery in this one. It's easy to 'see' and 'feel' her thoughts.
Quinn and Sabrina's telepathy seems to be stronger when he is angry. I wonder if it also shows he is somewhere nearby.
Nice touch of humor when she asks about the shapes and giggles at them.
Small stuff:
p6. Quinn disappeared, faded, into the smoke of the bonfires at restday celebration. It feels a bit fractured with the second comma. Maybe: Quinn disappeared, fading into the smoke of the bonfires at restday celebration. Just my own thought.
And what brings about the reference to a bonfire at a celebration? Hmm.
p10. The tinney echoing had lessen. -- tinney - tinny -- lessen - lessened
p16. As I focused on the gapes in the roof, Kyle's curly blond hair lite up like an angel's halo surrounding him and I sighed in relief. -- gapes - gaps -- Gapes is a disease. Otherwise it is a verb.
Cool short chapter. I'm curious to see if Sabrina recalls anything of Quinn's surroundings when she comes fully awake. And what Rubin thinks of it when they tell him.
Greg
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Stickler
I think Sabrina will remember something of where Quinn is. At least I hope so too. Ruben, now there is a person that can get his anger up. *strokes chin* Wonder what he will do or say about this?
Thanks for reading and have made those changes.
Brooke
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OH My Goodness! What a wonderful chapter. The emotions and the feeling just jumped off the page Excellent Job.
There was only one thing you might want to look at.
P(4) I love this paragraph the imagery is wonderful the only thing I saw was you used the word anger twice in one sentence...( Maybe use Crushing sea? or some other word.
Other than that What an amazing piece.. Excellent. I'm glad you posted, I've been wondering what was going to happen next.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I used crushing I like that word, thanks
I am so glad you liked it Took me a while to write this and I am going to add more to it. I know it was really short but I wanted to post something.
Again thanks
Brooke
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This is amazing!
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Thanks
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