Ugly Flower,
Young but worn.
Ugly Flower,
Ripped and torn.
Ugly Flower,
Plucked too soon.
Ugly Flower
Cries to the moon.
Ugly Flower,
Flees from the light.
Ugly Flower,
Much too tight.
Ugly Flower,
Bled 'til morn.
Ugly Flower,
Slapped and sworn.
Ugly Flower,
Tired of crying.
Ugly Flower
Would rather be dying.
Ugly Flower
Hurts at night.1
Ugly Flower,
Is this right?
Ugly Flower
Does not know.
Ugly Flower
Cannot grow.2
Ugly Flower
Gives a sigh...
Ugly Flower
Hopes to die.
Ugly Flower
Jumps from the ceiling.
Ugly Flower's
Eyes are peeling.
Ugly Flower
Cannot breath.
Ugly Flower
Had to leave.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
-
I really liked it, it effectively made me sad. Id say it's about rape because of a few lines, but it could also be abuse or maybe self harm. Or all 3. Great job.
-
This is very well wrote. Incrediably sad but very good.
-
Wow....... This is intense! You have officially made me sad for the rest of the day! It kinda gives me the impression of a [young] girl being beaten and hurt - emotionally and physically.
"Bled 'til morn" "tired of crying" and "would rather be dying" make me wonder if she has been raped? I'm not entirely sure though.
I think you may have gone a tad over the top with the repetition, but it's still very effective!
It's sad that 'Ugly Flower' decided to commit suicide... I get the feeling that she's had a really shit life, and had to end it, but if you seize the chance, you can always make everything better!! I feel that she was in a lot of emotional pain, and I feel so sorry for her that she had to go through all of that...
I think this is a nice, well-written poem. I like it. You should find a contest for it and enter it!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Good use of repetition, that worked really well.
I'd say that RomeoRuined gets close to what the narrative is about.
I won't comment on that, as I don't like abuse lit.
I can comment on the style though, and that was structured and delived extremelly effectively.
-
The repetition is a bit overdone, I'd say. I like the rhyme scheme, though. And, the stanzas seem odd - probably because their uneven, but that's fine.
This is a very emotional poem. Thanks for sharing it with us. -
This is such a sad poem, and the meaning is clear but interpretable. I loved it. Keep writing!
-
-
Thank you very much!
-
-
Interesting
This reminds me of childhood chants or something we used to sing when we would skip in grade school. Usually a poem that has a repetitive line is boring, but I find it worked really well in your work. Good job. -
I got rape and suicide from this (ripped and torn, much too tight, hurts at night, etc). The ugly flower metaphor fits perfectly for it; the "deflowering" aspect and feeling dirty and despicable afterwords, whether it's your fault or not. I loved the line "eyes are peeling" best, for some odd reason. There's so much imagery and pain in those three words... *sigh* wonderful. Great write!
Renaissance
-
-
Really? Thank you so much! Honestly, I didn't think that it fit at first, even though it was the first thing to pop into my head. After nothing fit, I just decided, "Might as well, right?" xD
-
-
lol really? Well, whatever works!
-
-
-
Sounds to me like...
The story of a young girl being raped by her father, who commits suicide... Very sad, very touching, good flow, good rhythm... Whatever the meaning, this is a piece to be proud of.
-
-
Someone understands! :]
You're the first person who got the story right off the bat! :]
Thank you for reading! -
-
O.O That is what it meant!? No wonder I didn't get it right......... Really poor!!!!
-
-
-
Makes Me think of a Kid in School, Who's always picked on and just can't flow.
... Poor Flower... I'll take the *flower* if You won't! At the end, I was thinking. "The Flower is a Reptile Snake Flower. O.O"
The Poem was sad, Ugly Flower I feel bad. But I really liked it!!beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5.
-
I get it i would have prefered the poem kept to the flower metaphors for life but it was still pretty good
Adding your comment:
1 - 16 of 16
