Why would you care?
You've never really been there
For me
As I watch the sea-
Gravely-
I come to think:
"What's it like to sink
Into the water,
Making this my very last hour?"
I stand on the railing,
Watch the boats slowly sailing
Past.
Is this really so rash?
I think not.
Will I regret this later?
I think not;
Why, how could I?
If it works, I'll be saved;
I'll be sleeping forever in a watery grave.
If not--
How not?
Who'd save me from the sea,
The cold, cruel sea?
Who'd give worth to ol'
Sad, desperate me?1
Nobody, that's who.
They don't even have a clue
On how deep I am
Over my head;
How I'd just like to die in bed;
Never wake up in the morn,
How badly my heart has been broken and torn
In half,
And how painful and fake it is to laugh.
So I'll just plunge
Into the water below,
Smiling at the fact
All the pain I know
Won't follow me here.
I won't have to hear
Those asses jeer at me,
Sneer at me...
They can't follow me here.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
-
a great poem with a lot of emotion. I don't know much about poem evaluating, but I know I think this is really good
-
Wow. Did I mention wow? I like! This was a very interesting, emotional piece, one that I, unfortunately can relate to. I had an abusive father growing up and I would sit on the dock and stare for hours into the waters of Lake Michigan, wondering if anyone gave a damn, if anyone would give a damn enough to care if I never went home again.
You capture the emotions of this desolate soul so beautifully. A wonderful free verse write; you definately have talent.
Thank you for the wonderful read. -
I like!
It was interesting. It made me feel that the character is really intelligent- knows they have a purpose in life, but just isn't acknowledged. I feel sorry from them, that they'd have to contemplate suicide. It makes me think they thought about suicide just to get some attention and be noticed.
An emotional rollercoaster of a poem.
Good effort. Keep up the writing.
=)
beginning: 4, dialog: 4.
-
Hm. An interesting little poem. It holds a lot of emotions. The flow seems odd, but that's not overly important in a free verse poem.
Nicely written. Keep on writing and thanks for sharing. -
Sisi:
I it was good. but You didn't have to use morn, should have just used Morning. I think it would have gone better, The rhyming went well too and still stuck to the same thing, while other travel a bit away.beginning: 5, language: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4.
-
i really liked it
beginning: 5, ending: 5.
-
This is pretty well written, the tone of the poem though very pessimistic is actually realistic of the emotions we all tend to feel at those times. Plus the use of the rhetorical questions has a reflective sound to the poem which sorta adds to the ralistic aspect of the thoughts.
The usage of the colloquial at the end as well, helps emphasise the frustration, the care for nothing at the end puts forth the hidden torment behind the carefully constucted words. It shows how behind the tough facade there is a lot more and not just the strong exterior. The only critism I would make would be that both stanzas talk about pretty much the same thing, which kinda removes the purpose of introducing a new stanza. Just a thought.
I really like this. You should try some more poetry
-
When you look over a barrier, from a great height, these thoughts can often overtake you. You think about how difficult life is, and how easy it would be to just jump.
This poem captures the feeling very well.
My suggestion, stop looking over the barrier. Life is hard, but the sea is very cold.
Adding your comment:
1 - 8 of 8
