Coming Out

"My Mom must have been shocked. But, as I explain to my friends, my lesbianism is not caused by any failure on her part. In fact, she has taught me to appreciate woman all the more – for their patience, compassion, resilience, diligence and wisdom. Not to forget their immense capacity to love. 1

All of these traits converge in a woman who is aging so beautifully, knowing when and how to laugh at herself and let that which does not matter truly slide." 2

Dear Ma, 3

Please trust me. I know what I am doing with my life. It may take me a long time to decide and I may do it in different from what others do, but that is precisely what should make you believe that I am doing it right. 4

Because I am doing it in my own honest-to-goodness way. No one else can do it for me and no one else can do it but me. 5

Yes, you have raised me well enough to know that. And you have loved me so much that I cannot be anything but proud of myself. You raised me with so much dignity that I cannot ask for anything but respect from others for who I am -- your child. 6

Please do not say you are being punished. I Know it is difficult. It was difficult for me to accept, too, but now I am nothing but grateful and glad that this is what God made me. S/He made me uniquely who I am for a reason and I know my only mission in life is to be that person -- the person which S/He has both made me and that S/He wants me to become. I do everything toward that end. 7

I wish you hadn’t felt all the hurt that you endured, if there was any other way. But know that half of that hurt was not because of me, it was because of a society that condemns and refuses to understand. It doesn’t have to be like that. 8

I still maintain that I am not doing anything wrong. Being who I am and loving who I choose isn’t wrong. And this is the basic freedom that I am fighting for. That people do not get kicked out of school or get fired from their jobs because they are who they are. I am fighting for so many others to have choices – choices that will let them lead happier lives. 9

There is so much injustice done against lesbians throughout history, only because they choose to live and love differently. Many were burned at the stake during witch hunts. In Philippines, a lot of them are beaten up. Some fathers even have their tomboy daughters raped to “cure” them. This is what I am fighting against.10

This and the fact that you shouldn’t have gone through all that you have gone through simply because of your fear of what society would do against me or because of the wrong idea that society gives that lesbianism is bad. 11

And now that I see my choices very clearly, I am not about to throw my life away. I wouldn’t defend this as strongly as I am defending it right now if I wasn’t really serious. And, believe me, if I have to prove to you that I am serious about this, I will. 12

Even if you’ve raised me in comfort and luxury, I’m willing to go through hardship. I’m not afraid to suffer or encounter opposition. You see, I’ve inherited your bravery. I don’t let anyone think or speak or live for me. The only way I see living is to live it proudly, despite all the odds. I hope you, of all people, should understand because that, precisely, is your legacy to me. For that, Ma, I am nothing but grateful.