I regret that my reluctance to answer has put the wheels of the gossip mill in motion. As an act of discretion, I changed the subject or avoided answering whenever possible, but of late, the barrage of questions has been so heavy, that I have, please forgive me, resorted to telling harmless untruths to appease the petitioners. Unfortunately, my attempts to quench the fire of rumors has fueled it all the more.1
I cannot speak these words aloud, but, God forgive me, I shall preserve them here in my private diary in the hopes that someday they will be read and the mystery revealed. Upon completion of this journal, I will hide it amongst the books in our family library and pray that it not be found during my lifetime.2
It was a cold spring morning when Leonardo called for me to pose. He fussed with every detail before he began painting. The angle of the light, the colors, the distance, the background, everything had to be just right. During the preparation, part of his clothing came unfastened. Being a Christian lady, I could not mention it to him. Every time he moved a certain way, I caught a fleeting glimpse of that which I should never have seen. I was numb with embarrassment, but I persevered to maintain my composure.3
I was quite shocked when I saw the finished portrait. I was smiling! Then I remembered how a slight smile stole across my face as I thought about the size of the unwelcome visitor as it flashed in and out of view. Surely it was a victim of the cold morning air. Couldn’t he feel the draft? He must have painted my mouth as these thoughts teased my mind. I was thankful he didn’t capture my initial reaction on the canvas. Through all these years, Leonardo is the only person who hasn’t asked me why I was smiling. Perhaps he already knew!
