The Discovery of Happyness

There’s a definitive line between being happy and true happiness. I would know, I’ve found it. It has, like any other state of mind, its ups and downs. But you begin to realize the pure part of it. The truth beneath the rose, almost. This is the story of a summer gone right. Of finding pure bliss and true happiness. Our story.1

I met Him at work. He was one of the coolest people I’d ever met. Why? He was like me: adventurous, random, funny, comforting, loyal. His qualities that I didn’t have also drew me to him: noble, honest, good listener, protector. He was honestly the greatest guy I’d ever met. However, we were both taken when we met. His then-girlfriend also worked at Cinemark and my then-boyfriend lived across the street from me. We slowly became good friends, first and work and then at school. Near the end of that school year, he and his girlfriend broke up because of college coming up (he was a senior, I was a junior) and my boyfriend and I broke up because of our differences in morals. That was when He and I started hanging out a lot more. We had some of the craziest adventures that I will never forget: We went to Target and had lightsaber battles, we went storm chasing, we talked about everything, he admired my not-so-good art, we watched movies and listened to music, we went cruising in our cars late at night. I have countless memories of us as good friends before we started dating. I also remember never being happier than I was with him.2

He asked me out several times before I finally said yes. He’d waited nearly a month for me, but he told me I was worth waiting for. Our adventures continued and became even more exciting. We went to the drive-in, went cruising late at night with his friends in the Mustang, we went to the movies every week, we chilled at each other’s houses, we brought each other lunch at work. There wasn’t a day I was without him. However, this made our vacations that summer extremely long. He was gone for a week and a half from June into July. Even though we talked every night, I had never been lonelier. I tried to hang out with my friends, read books, go to the pool, anything to distract myself from the fact he wasn’t coming over to hang with me. It was a long week. But our reunion the Sunday he returned had never been happier. I couldn’t let him go. We had a lot of time to make up for. Unfortunately, four days after he returned to me, it was my turn to leave for a week. I hadn’t wanted to leave even when my parents announced that we were going to South Dakota to camp and now I wanted to even less. I think, to make me feel better, they bought me a new phone. It was shiny and sleek and a touchscreen, but it couldn’t replace Him. I remember enjoying the trip, but I wanted him with me so he could enjoy it too. I don’t remember my homecoming so much as his, I just remember the joy I had at finally seeing him again. 3

Our lives were soon going to have to change, though. Band for me was starting, which meant that school for both of us was coming up fast. Our summer was barely half over and we already had to worry about the future. We began to spend much of our time together just to prepare for the times we wouldn’t be able to be together. In August, band camp started. I was almost completely booked for time between trying to work and going to camp (camp was 7 hours long every day). I’d go see him after band, but compared to our earlier days, we were really starting to miss each other. So the Saturday of the band carwash fundraiser, I went to see him beforehand. And ended up staying with him for the entire day. It was a good thing we had so many people in band because no one noticed I was missing. It felt so good to spend some quality time with him. As summer progressed, we still saw each other enough to not go insane. My birthday was the best. He brought me lunch at school (school had started by then) and I had a party that night that was honestly the best birthday I’d ever had. It looked like 18 would turn out to be an okay year after all. 4

Band was getting more and more intense, however. With the time I spent at school with the band and on schoolwork and studying, it didn’t leave us much time together. I’d sometimes visit him during my off periods and we’d eat lunch or play videogames or just talk. It wasn’t much, but it was still nice. We learned a lot about each other just from those times. He was always a good listener and I enjoyed telling him stories that made him laugh. We started getting into little arguments as the year began to progress, however. We were both stressed and tired, him from school and work and me from band and school. It was putting a strain on our relationship, but we weren’t going to give up. We forgave each other countless times and wanted only to have each other to hold. We understood the situation we had put ourselves in. But one day, he unexpectedly snapped.5

I will take the blame for being the breaking point, but I blame him for stopping something so good and so real. When we were talking, he told me it was for the best. I was probably going to go far away for college. He couldn’t take the stress of me and college and work. It was difficult to tell him he was almost right. I don’t need him necessarily. I just miss our adventures and crazy times. I miss having someone to talk to and to tell me not to stress about everything. He still lives on in my mind and I’m better than I was the day he said he couldn’t do this anymore, but I still have my moments. Call me an optimist, but all I remember are our good times. And they aren’t what make me want to curl up in a ball and cry. It’s the thought that I don’t get to see him or talk to him, that my protector and best friend tore himself away from me in a second and won’t let me back in. I could care less if I have a boyfriend or a lover. It’s just the happiness I found in him that I can’t seem to live without.6

My greatest regret is that I was the reason I lost it. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that maybe I’ll find it again. That maybe I’ll have him again. My future may have a different path for me, but I’m glad he showed me what pure bliss feels like. True happiness is harder to hold on to than to find. I would know, I found it. And lost it.