The Photo Album

THE PHOTO ALBUM1

   Who would have believed this house could ever be this quiet?  It gradually grew quieter as each of our three children went through a mysterious metamorphosis which changed them from carefree, bubbling, bundles of energy into adults.  Our children. . . . can I still say ours?  My wife, who was the most efficient and organized woman on Earth, is gone.  My theory is that her services were needed more in Heaven.  I’ll bet things are running smoothly up there now.2

   All I have left now are memories, but remembering hurts.  It’s too soon, too painful, I miss her too much.  Grief is a tenacious creature whose cruel claws have dug deep into my heart.  Maybe if I try to forget, the beast will tire of me and loosen its death grip.  If I fight the pains of loss, maybe it will leave and search for a new victim. 3

   I have learned that you cannot try to forget something.  It only makes you remember all the more.  Now I spend most of my time thinking about my kids, when they were still kids.  The birthday parties, the playgrounds, flying kites, the adventures, the vacations, these are the things that I never want to forget.  I spent so much quality time with my kids.  Now it’s spent on memories.4

   When my memory gets fuzzy, I pull out the old photo album.  The pictures magically transport me back in time and I can relive all the precious moments again.  When I see the pictures I can remember every detail about where we were and what we were doing.  Just thinking about the photo album makes me long for all those yesterdays.  I pick up the album and settle into my favorite chair, which, by the way, was the perfect chair for bouncing kids on my knee while telling fairy tales.5

   I dwell on each picture, reluctant to turn the page over.  I stare at the kids and remember the moment.  I can hear them laughing and talking while I shoot the picture.  There’s Sally right after Billy squirt her with the garden hose.  I can still hear her teeth chattering.  Look, there’s Suzy opening presents on her fifth birthday.  I’ll bet that’s the doll she’s opening.  That doll could do everything, except dress herself and put away her toys at the end of the day.  Hmmm. . . . now that I think about it, that doll was a lot like Suzy.  And there’s Billy’s first bike ride without training wheels.  He fell shortly after the picture was taken and scraped his knee and elbow.  If I hadn’t taken that picture, I would have been by him and caught him when he fell.   Remembering all the good times does have side effects.  It brings back all the memories, including the unpleasant ones.  Why must the good always be dampened by the bad?  6

   A wave of sadness washed over him as he recalled all the times he fell short of being the perfect father.  He remembered the time when his kids came to the realization that he was just another dad, instead of the  super hero who could do anything and never let them down.  He wished he could go back in time and do it all over again.  He would avoid all the mistakes and prevent the accidents before they happened.  Then he would always be their super hero.  He started to drift on an ocean of memories, bobbing up and down with the waves of emotions.7

   First minutes, then hours sailed by as he floated farther and farther out to sea.  Finally, night came and slipped a dark blanket over the house and slowly embroidered it with sparkling sequins.  The memories slowly sank into the deep blue depths of sleep.  And there he slept, embraced in the arms of the chair which helped him rock reluctant children to sleep so many years ago.  The album laid in his lap, still open to the last page he was looking at when he dozed off.8

   As the night wore on, stars passed by the window.  One star, a particularly bright one, came into view.  It started to shine brighter and sent a narrow beam of light through the window.  The beam of starlight hit the photos of the kids on the open page of the album.  The pictures began to glow.  One by one, the little faces changed from cute smiles to grins.  Suzy winked at the other two, then all three came to life and stood up.  They stretched and giggled as they jumped out of their photos and onto the floor.  They ran around the room playing tag.  They were the exact same size as their photographic images.  When they turned sideways, they disappeared because they were only two dimensional.  9

   They stopped playing when one of them looked up and saw their father sleeping in the chair.  He looked so much older than they remembered.  They started talking about all the fun they had with him when he was younger, and how much fun he had with them.  Suzy had an idea.   They huddled together to discuss it.  They began to grin as they whispered their plan.  One by one they climbed up into their father’s lap.  Then Sally and Suzy split up and each climbed to a sleeping ear.  Billy crawled up into his dad’s shirt pocket and rode up and down with each breath he took.  The girls started to whisper in his ears.  Both  giggled as they recounted their favorite memories.10

   Billy grew tired of his slow moving ride and looked up at his dad’s face.  He stared at his nose.  It was so huge.  It looked almost like a. . . . yes, that’s it.   He was going to slide down that long sloping nose.  He climbed up and straddled the bridge of his nose.  He squealed as he slid down.  He landed with a soft plop into his mustache. This tickled his father’s nose and he started to wake.   The kids panicked and raced towards the album. His eyes started to flutter, there was no time to lose. They dove back into a photo as he sat upright.  He turned on the lamp and looked around.  He was sure he heard something.  Maybe it was just a dream.  He  recalled the dream he had.  It was filled with pleasant memories of the kids.  They had so many good times over the years, it was amazing how many he could remember.11

   He looked down at the photo album sitting in his lap and realized that the dreams must have been induced by looking at the pictures just before he fell asleep.  He looked at the photos.  There was something about those pictures, something was different.  Two of the pictures were scenes from the park, but there were no kids in them.  The next picture had all three kids in it and they were all smiling with a prankster’s grin.  He just couldn’t remember taking those pictures.  It was so many years ago.  The only logical explanation was that his memory has become selective in his old age.  He must have taken the pictures.  He took every picture in that album.    He put the album on the table and went to bed.  His thoughts returned to the time when his kids played in the park. . . . trying to remember.12

   When he woke in the morning, his mind was clouded with twenty year old memories, but the early sunlight burned them off like dew on the grass.  After breakfast, he noticed the photo album sitting on the table where he left it last night.  He was about to put it away when he decided to look at the three pictures one more time.  He hoped that, refreshed and relaxed, he might remember those pictures.  He was startled to see that the pictures were different.  Each picture had one smiling child in it.  Maybe it was a different page.  No, this had to be the right page.  The park scenes were the same. He wondered if what happened last night wasn’t part of his dream, but it was so real.  He attributed it to the long night, loneliness and old age.13

   All morning he replayed the images from his dream in his head.  He sure missed the sound of little kids at play.  Then an idea came to him.  It seemed so obvious.  His kids were all grown and had kids of their own.  He hadn’t seen them since. . . . try not to remember. . . . well it has been a while.  He knew they all had responsibilities and were busy with jobs and school and such, but maybe he could visit them.  It was a long drive. . . . maybe just for the weekend.  He could stay at a motel to be out of the way.  He decides to call Billy.  He is the closest and has three little ones of his own.14

   Later that day he made the call.  As the phone was ringing, he cleared his throat.  The phone on the other end picked up.15

   “Hello?”16

   He replied in a ridiculously low voice, “ I’d like to speak with Mr. William Tyler Jr. Please.”17

   “Dad?”  his son asked.18

   “How did you know it was me?  I haven’t pulled that stunt in years.”19

   “What time did you get up this morning?”20

   “What’s that got to do with. . . .”21

   “Come on, what time?”  Billy interrupted.22

   “About six, but. . . “23

   “That’s not early enough to fool me.  It’s great to hear from you. What’s happening?”  Billy was surprised to hear his voice.  He hasn’t called any of the kids since mom passed away.  24

   “I was checking my appointment book this morning and I noticed that I have next weekend open.  I thought I might drive up for a visit, if you’re not busy that is”.  Then he added quickly, “Of course, I’ll stay at a motel so I won’t be in the way.”25

   Billy didn’t have to check his calendar.  He didn’t need to ask his wife or the kids.  He had been praying for this moment for months now.  He had made a standing offer to his dad shortly after mom died to visit anytime and stay as long as he wanted.  He could sell the house and move in if he wanted.  The kids would love seeing their granddad everyday.  There was plenty of room.26

   “It sounds great dad, we’d love to. . . . ummm, there is one problem.”  Billy tried to sound serious.  He knew his dad couldn’t see the smile on his face.27

   “What?”  His hopes just went into a tailspin.28

   “It’s the kids,” Billy said sadly, “They’ll have an absolute fit. . . . if they couldn’t see you every possible waking moment.  I’m afraid the motel idea is out.  You’ll have to stay with us.”29

   “Very funny William.  Are you sure?”30

   “You’ll find out how sure I am when you get here.”  Bill could just imagine all the commotion that would start the minute he broke the news to his kids.   They’ll be squirming all week. Saturday better hurry because patience is not an adolescent virtue.31

   “So we’ll see you Saturday morning right?” Bill asked. 32

   “Yes sir, I’ll be there”33

   “O.K.,  Drive careful and come as early as you want, please.”  Bill said with a chuckle.34

   They said their good-byes.  As he was hanging up the phone, he heard Billy’s voice call up to him.35

   “DAD!”36

   He brought the phone back up and said, “Yes Billy, what is it?”37

   “Don’t forget your camera.”38