Moon Slaves - Part Four

1

Boyan walks down the narrow street softly. Alex is still sleeping inside the house, being exhausted. In his restless dreams dominated by the Moon his hunger has grotesque proportions, filling his mind with the pictures of beasts taking him apart. At the same time, the silvery shadow lurking the city stops.2

A very young man is returning home. Boyan doesn’t know, and he doesn’t care, that the boy was at his friend’s party. He is tired, slightly drunk, and a little high. His head is heavy, and he can’t wait to get to his bed. The boy doesn’t know that, but he will never get there.3

The wolf is on the move again, pacing up. It doesn’t take him long to get to the boy. His prey feels someone’s eyes on his back, and turns around. He stops in his tracks, with face turned into a mask of horror. Sudenly sober, and certainly not sleepy anymore, he sees the huge head of the wolf. Boyan stops once again, smelling fear. It tastes like piss. He would smile if he could. 4

Boyan licks his lips, and his red tongue caresses the black, wet muzzle. Yellow eyes are aglow with fire. The boy stares at those eyes, and in them he sees monstrous hunger. He feels his bladder suddenly becoming heavy, and he knows that he should start running for his life. Unfortunately, his legs have other ideas, for they are paralized with fear, and won’t move. He tries to say something, and his lips are trembling, but a choked moan is all he can make. For one long moment Boyan is motionless, watching the food intensively. His lips are drawn back. He goes down a bit, then leaps. In just one jump he wades the six feet separating him from the trembling meat. The boy raises his hands in front of his face trying to protect himself. The wolf hits him in the chest, biting his forearm. The weight is too much for the young man, and he falls to the ground. Sharp pain spreads from his arm where the bone is broken. The same pain is a gift from heaven, waiking him up from numbness. The boy hits the ground hard with his back, and hits his head too. Black cloud of faint is taking over him, but the hot pain of his broken arm doesn’t let him to sink under. Back on his feet again, Boyan is savegely tugging the boy's arm. The young man is trying to stand up, but fails. 5

He screams. Panick grabs him, and by making his throat narrow it leaves him breathless. He turns around trying to break loose, but all he does is twisting the broken bone. New wave of pain rushes through him, and he gasps. Boyan lets his arm go. He has seen something much more appealing. Once more, the boy tries to get up, suddenly free and filled with hope. He gets on his legs and one arm, keeping the hurt one close to the body. 6

The wolf jumps on his back laisily. Scorching breath smelling like fresh blood floods the boy's neck and face making him sick. The jaw opens again, and then closes around the neck pinching hard. With a loud crunching sound two of the neck vertebrae crush. Big canines pirce the skin, and go deep cuting the vein. The boy falls to the ground never to stand up again. 7

Boyan drops the neck he broke. For some time he just stands there watching it. The game. He's hungry, and he lowers his head ready to eat, but misty images of his friend fill his mind. Taking the carcass by its leg he starts to pull it. There’s a crimson trail of blood staying behind him, thick and clear at first, than it gets weaker with every step Boyan takes. 8

Man with the hat gets to the house just in time to see Boyan taking the body inside. He sees the head, scratched from hauling, and glassy eyes. His heart schrinks. He is angry at himself beyond any limit. He wasn’t there to stop the young wolf. 9

’’You’re getting old.’’ He whispers, shaking his head sadly. 10

Back at the house the wolves start to eat. Alex menages to stand up, and sinks his teeth deep into the flesh. Taking big chunks of meat from one of the legs he thinks how it’s been a wile since he’d last eaten human flesh. More than two centuries. Alex hates himself for enjoying the meal so much. That meat is tender, and filled with lingering fear. He looks at Boyan who is gnowing at the ripped off hand. Boyan turned to be quite a hunter, and Alex feels pride mixed with guilt. 11

************ 12

The Full Moon is barely visible during the late morning, strangled by the sunlight. In the old house the wolves sleep soundly. Only some blood, shreaded clothes, feet in the snickers, and head are what's left of their lunch. They are looking gruesome, sleeping with fur clotted with blood, and with rusty snouts. Helped by food, Alex is getting better, ever stronger. By night time he’ll be able to hunt, though he wan’t be at his best. Boyan’s dream is deep and sound, his hunger is at ease for now. 13

Having eaten their breakfast, children go out to play. It’s summer, and nothing can keep them inside for long. There are no homeworks, and no worries about grades. They are running playing ’it’ and dodge ball, and doing what ever crosses their minds. 14

On their way to a candyshop, two ten year old boys are laughing. They found a small treasure in their piggies. Taws clank in their pockets. Their knees are covered with scabs, legs with bruises. When they run, they don’t pay much attention to their surroundings. 15

They stop sudenly. They saw the pool of blood. Looking at each other, they know it’s not a cetchup. Their rich imagination goes wild. Over the time its mechanism will wear out, and the weels will stop taking all the faeries, dragons and monsters into oblivion. But for now, it’s alive and kicking. 16

’’What do you think it is?’’ 17

’’I don’t know. Maybe someone fell?’’ 18

’’Hard enough to leave so much blood?’’ 19

’’Well... Once I saw an old man falling off the bike. He was sitting in a pool of blood as big as this one.’’ He clears his throat coughing slightly. He reads Dylan Dog. He knows all about the mummies, werewolves, and vampires. And all the other monsters. 20

’’Look, a trail.’’ 21

The Dylan Dog boy doesn’t answer. He’s too afraid. But his friend’s curiosity is greater. 22

’’Come on, chicken. Lets see where it goes.’’ 23

And he’s off, draging his friend. The ice cream is forgotten, taws too. He feels a mistery, something out of the ordinary, something magical. It doesn’t occure to him that it’s dangerous too. They are running, two pairs of skinny legs, scratched and beaten. 24

Even when the trail is lost, there are droplets here and there leading them without mistake. Not one is missed by the curious boy. His infatuation is contagious, for the Dylan Dog boy is running first now. Soon, they get to the gate of the old house’s yard. 25

’’In here, it’s in here.’’ 26

’’You think?’’ The fear is back. 27

’’Sure it is. This is the haunted house.’’ 28

’’Lets just go and and buy ice cream, okay?’’ 29

’’No. I want to see what’s inside. See, the door is open.’’ 30

Few more minutes pass. Their breaths are shallow and ragged, their hearts filled with excitement. The breaver one enters the yard. The other one follows hesitantly. They jump over the remains of the dog, wondering what happened to it. If you would ask the breaver boy, he would tell you that it was probably a severe case of gasses. They get to the door, and look inside. 31

Boyan raises his head, woken by the feeling of being watched. He sees two children peeking, and four shiny, scared eyes. In his throat a growl starts. It’s a deep warning. The boys are not moving, hypnotized. 32

Alex wakes up too. Just in time to see Boyan standing up, going for the door, head down and teeth shimering. Fast, faster then he thought it would be possible, he jumps and stands in front of the larger wolf. 33

No. 34

N... No? Moon is still far away, and it’s possible for Boyan to think more coherently. 35

No. It is enough for today .36

F... Food.37

You ate. We both did. Lie down. Sleep 'till evening. Then we’ll go hunting.38

But... 39

No. 40

The time Alex gave to the boys is enough for them to realise that there are two big, really big wolves in front of them, and for the fact that the bigger one is growling at them to sink in their frosen minds. The enchantment breaks, and they run as fast as they can, loosing their breaths. Boyan lies down again. Alex does the same. If Alex was in his full strenght, and not so tired and hurt, he would have thought that the boys will tell what they have seen. And where. But at this moment all he can think of is sleep. 41

When the boys get to their homes, they tell their parents what they saw. Of course, at first no one beleves that they have seen the wolves, but they start to shake, and eventually they start to cry violently. The adults think of the big stray dogs that may have attacked them. Their fathers, being on holiday too, decide to go and see what scared their children. Both of them grab the closest thing that can serve as a weapon, a rake and a big heavy hammer. They meet on the street, two long time neighbours, and follow the boys back to the abandoned house. 42

Men see the blood. They know it’s blood and not something else because of the smell lingering above the now almost dried pool. It is sweet, and it’s making their stomacks turn. They grasp their weapons firmer, and go forward. The boys stop in front of the gate, and back up a little. Their fathers, two men in their prime, enter the yard. 43

Boyan wakes up first. He senses the smell of the people. He knows it’s men approaching because only men have that smell, full and heavy, filled with adrenaline. He stands up. Alex wakes up too, and realises instantly what must have happened. He looks around, but there is no way out other then the door, now blocked by the newcommers. 44

The men see the shreaded, bloody clothes. They see the head, and the shooes. One of them bands over and throws up his breakfast, scrambled eggs and hamm, and hot white bread. And a couple of bears he downed already. The other one works at the imergency ward, and he has seen all there is to be seen, and though his stomack is complaining too, he keeps his breakfast inside. 45

’’Hellish beasts!’’ He yells while his friend wipes his mouth. ’’You’re gonna pay!’’ 46

He enters with his hammer raised above his head. The other man is following suit, with the sharp end of the rake pointed at the animals in front of him. Alex is trying to think of the way to escape, but Boyan is already showing his teeth, ready to attack. The doctor swings the hammer down wanting to smash Boyan’s head, but in the last moment the wolf moves to the side. He grabs the thick wood just above the steal head of the hammer, biting so hard that it breaks. The end that could hurt him falls to the floor with a thud, useless. At that exact second they realise that atacking the wolves was a mistake. At least atacking them without a gun or a rifle. The other man tries to hit Boyan with rake, and since he’s still holding on to the wood of the hammer, there is no way he could dodge that one. Alex jumps, and bites the wrist of the hand holding the rake. The joint is shattered, the rake falls to the floor, and the man screams. The noise catches attention of the people passing by. A police car pulls over and two policemen appear, taking out the guns. 47

Boyan lets go of the wood and jumps on the doctor instead. He raises his hands, but it’s too late, and the big wolf is catching his throat. His larynx crushed, and veins torn, there’s no hope as his own blood sprays his chest. At the same time, Alex bites the other one by the leg. He screams loudly, as if the intensity of it could save him. He watches his friend twitching on the floor as life drains from him. 48

The policmen aim at Boyan. Alex sees them. He lets go of the leg, and doctor’s friend looses his balance, falling on one of the policemen. Their attention is broken, and Alex gets the time he needs. He jumps, and breaks the hand of the policeman closer to Boyan, the one that wasn’t distracted. With a loud, high yell he drops his gun. The other one doesn’t know where to aim anymore. His mind tells him to shoot the big wolf taking appart the hand of his partner, but fear tells him to shoot the silver one, now looking at him, and slowly getting closer. Instead of shooting, he retreats. He has the time to realise that it was a wrong choice before Boyan sinks his teeth into the base of his neck, breaking the clavicle. He falls down, dropping his gun like his partner before him. Boyan pulls the piece of skin, bone and muscle he's holding with his jaw, and the man howls in pain. 49

One man is still standing. It is one of the boy's father. Now he's looking at picture from a horror movie. And not even the good one, he muses. His friend lies dead covered with blood, his eyes frosen in eternity. Arm of one of the policmen that is wriggling is twisted at an impossible angle. The other policeman is being torn apart by the silvery wolf. And while he’s tearing apart the chest of a man that's still alive, his gaze is fixed on his own terrified eyes. He’s heart runs wild, pumping faster, always faster. The fear, the adrenaline, the horror, it all gets to him. And his heart tires. It hickups a couple of times painfuly, then stops as Boyan slivers part of the policeman’s cheeck. 50

A man that was too late to save the young boy that morning arrives. He sees countless people from the far, and sences that something terrible must have happened. He speeds up, and pushes his way through the mob. No one wants to get too close to the wolves, so he easily gets to them. 51

Everything he did that day was wrong. He thought that the wolves would sleep during the morning, after they ate the old stray dog. He was mistaken. He thought that the wolves would sleep untill the night, after they slaked their hunger with that unfortunate teenager. Once again, he was wrong. The fact that the wolves are not the ones that have attacked the humans, but were found, doesn’t make him feel any better. 52

Alex stands above the pile of dead bodies. Boyan devours one of the policemen, gluttony impersonified. With disgust and feer the people are watching them, but they don’t move. The stranger hears sirens in the dinstance. Boyan raises his head and meets his eyes. Alex is already watching him. They know each other. Alex have seen him for so many times, that he thinks of him as of an old friend. The man walks to them, stops when close, and takes of his cap. 53

His hair is dishevelled, and cries for a cut. His sharp eyes have the colour of the ice, and it seems that they pirce right through you and deep into your soul. His face is narrow, and with sharp features, timeless. He lifts his left hand, palm open, and speeks with dry, deep voice: 54

’’Go.’’ 55

Both wolves feel the strange, strong urge to obbey, to go away. Alex doesn’t try to resist, he realises who he is finaly. He had heard of them, but never thought that he would see one too. How didn’t he realised that earlier, he will never know. Boyan doesn’t want to listen, and he defies him. Alex turns his stare from the man to his friend. 56

Lets go.57

No. 58

Lets go, Boyan. 59

N... 60

Lets go, now! 61

Finaly, Boyan gives in. The people scatter away fast, getting out of their way. And as they disappear into the park that will eventually take them to the edge of the city, and into the fields, the first of the several police cars arrive. The man puts back his cap on, and goes away too. He too looses himself in the park before anyone could think of stopping him.62

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • gocubsgo25 silver member
    November 2

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    Some comments!

    I've got some more comments for you! Only a few for tonight because I'm simultaneously doing homework and writing while critiquing.

    P1: 'Alex is still sleeping inside the house, being exhausted'...'being' is not needed here.

    P1: 'by the Moon his hunger has grotesque proportions'...A comma is needed after 'Moon.'

    P1: 'filling his mind with the pictures of beasts taking him apart'...I don't think 'with the pictures of' is necessary here. This is debatable, however. It's your call.

    P2: 'a very young man is returning home'...This isn't a language problem, but rather a logic problem. If this is a VERY young man, which usually means 6 to 9 or 10 years old, I find it hard to believe he would be drunk and/or high.

    P3: 'the wolf is on the move again, pacing up'...'Pacing up' doesn't sound like the right phrase here. Find another way to say this less awkwardly.

    P3: 'it doesn’t take him long to get to the boy'...Another judgment call. I don't think 'him' is needed here, but again, it's your decision.

    P3: 'he stops in his tracks, with face turned into a mask of horror'...'his' is needed before 'face.'

    P3: 'sudenly sober, and certainly not sleepy anymore'...'sudenly' should be 'suddenly.'

    Unfortunately that's all I have time for right now. As far as I've read, through Paragraph 3, it's very good. Best chapter I've read of yours so far. Great descriptions; the only improvement is the language in which they are expressed.

    Good job and best of luck,

    Cubby


  • Sareeta silver member
    October 11

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    brilliant

    OMG! its so good. And I agree with geri fi tzsimmons totally.


    • lil.janie
      October 12

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you! I promise I'll try my best to improve the gramma. And I'll edit this part, and the others, and make it better.


  • gerifitzsimmons Greeters member
    October 11

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    You certainly have a terrific and horrific imagination .

    I was captivated by the plot and activity taking place in this tale. You draw your scenes so the reader can take part in the action even if it’s only to scream or vomit .

    You have a talent for building a story, creating colorful characters, and describing the events so your readers will feel like they are there and can ‘see’ and ‘hear’…in fact in this instance ‘smell’ the blood .

    You have it written .

    Now slow down…turn on your spell check, carefully read each sentence and watch out for improperly used words. What I’m trying to say nicely is EDIT and re-edit your work. You are too good a writer to offer up a story that is crammed with misspelled and misplaced words.

    To get your work to an agent or publisher, you first have to get it read and understood by lesser beings who have no taste for creativity and a big appetite for tossing out manuscripts.

    They can spot a wrong usage like the word there, their or they’re in a picture perfect page of text, before you can blink.

    If you can put some effort into editing this, I’d like to read it again.

    Geri

    • lil.janie
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm very happy that you like my way of telling the stories. Though gramma tend to be the greatest horror of it all. I use the spell check, must be blind with my eyes not to see the mistakes. And misspelled words lead to words with different meanings, I know that all too well. I'm sorry, I'll check it, and correct it.
      English is not my native language, and though I have a pretty good knowledge of it, writing in English and translating my stories is still something I'm not good at. I'll try my best to improve, and be good at it.


  • MeKaBa
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    squirmish should be squeamish unless you sre trying to be funny...gore should be gory not enough here to get into

    • lil.janie
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      I'm sorry I can't get any bloodier than this. There will be more killings in the next part, but I'm sure it still won't be enough for you - there's as much of it as it is in this one.
      Still, I'll give my best


  • eirini
    October 10

    Edit | Reply
    3rd paragraph spelling mistake 'suddenly', same mistake towards the end as well.
    5th paragraph 'waking'
    8th 'lazily'
    boy's- 'boys'
    same paragraph which has the spelling mistake for 'suddenly' also has a nistake for the word setup.
    The speech marks are the wrong way round.
    I like the description of all the gore and blood, it's written really well. However, there are a few mistakes, and I'm not sure but the tense in which this is written isn't very common and that might be for a good reason. It becomes really hard to follow to write in the present tense and makes it easy to lose track of what is occuring. I would say maybe if it was written in the past tense it would be easier to read, nonetheless since I haven't read the previous chaptes maybe that could also be the reason why I'm unable to follow it.

    • lil.janie
      October 11
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for the comment. I need to reread this part, and the others... I know I make too many mistakes, I do try to improve. I promess, I'll do better

  • I Write naked gold member
    October 10
    Edit | Reply
    i need to read the firt three parts before I can give this a good comment

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