Famine came a-knocking
On the widowed mother's door,
And bowing when it opened,
Tapped thin feet upon the floor.1
He hissed,
"Good mother, I have come to clasp
Your young ones in my arms,
And if you hand them over freely,
I will keep them safe from harm."2
She said, "I mean no disrespect,
But I will not stand idly by -
If you come threatening my children, sir,
Then here is my reply:3
"I will give you two days grace,
To get a head-start down the road.
Two days of clemency and grace -
Now get the hell out of my home."4
Famine was an hour gone
When Pestilence rode in,
His horse's coat of maggots,
His smile brighter than sin.5
He rasped,
"Kind mother, I have come to twine
Your young ones in my arms,
And if you hand them over freely,
I will keep them safe from harm."6
She said, "I don't mean to offend, sir,
But I'll not stand idly by -
If you come threatening my children, sir,
Then here is my reply:7
"I will give you two days grace,
To get a head-start down the road.
Two days of clemency and grace -
Now get the hell out of my home."8
Pestilence had hardly left
When War came with his band,
All clad in grey before the porch,
Straight-backed with bloodied hands.9
He growled,
"Sweet mother, I have come to claim
Your young ones in my arms,
And if you hand them over freely,
I will keep them safe from harm."10
She said, "I wish you all the best,
But I will not stand idly by -
You come here threatening my children, sir,
So this is my reply:11
"I will give you two days grace,
To get a head-start down the road.
Two days of clemency and grace -
Now get the hell out of my home."12
Death at last came knocking,
And when she stepped out in the night,
She saw him standing, cold and silent,
His eyes a glazéd white.13
He did not speak a word, but still
She shivered, crossed her arms,
Then stiffening, began to speak,
Her voice both proud and calm:14
"I see you've come again, sir,
And you may rest now if you please,
But you will leave here empty-handed, sir,
And you will leave my children be.15
"I will give you two days grace,
To get a head-start down the road.
Two days of clemency of grace -
You are not welcome in my home."16
A pack of four, they say, was seen,
Backs turned and heads bowed low,
Riding with a quiet deference
From a farmstead by the road.17
And I have also heard it said
That after that day, nevermore
Did those four horsemen come a-calling
At the widowed mother's door.
Author notes
I started this...poem? story? story-poem?...several weeks ago, and wrote it all in one rush until Death came riding up and made a mess of things. I set his portion aside for a while, and finally managed to pin it down today, more or less. There may be a bit of tweaking in the future, but this is essentially the finished version. I'm not usually a fan of the ABCB form, but it seemed to fit.
The last image I have of this is of a lone house, untroubled and untouched throughout the ages simply because she decided she had seen enough of grief, and would not stand for any more. Perhaps they will live forever, or perhaps someday, when they grow tired, they will welcome Death in as a guest, but I imagine them living the rest of their days without pain and without fear.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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It took me a couple reads to catch a rythm, evidently I have trouble in that arena
but I liked the concept from the start. Have you read the book entitled On a Pale Horse? I loved that series. Satan singing Amazing Grace still touches me.
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By the way, I love the title! Even 'Dusk', which is considered somewhat cliché, is a good title here!
plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Beautifully written.
You seemed very inspired, it's nice to see, and even better when it is about such a topic (hurt, love, and the way they interact). I really like the ending too, it's a happy ending, but still very philosophical. The way the house is 'untroubled throughout the ages' is... I don't know, but I like it
If you want ANY constructive criticism, it's only that the line 'You are not welcome in my home' doesn't seem to follow the same beat as the rest of the verse. Perhaps 'You're' instead of 'You are'?
I don't think it matters that a couple of the words don't quite rhyme completely, they're all the same sounds, and they fit fabulously. So don't change them.
I love the mother's character best of all. She is adamant that her children will be safe from harm, and so they are!plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Your poem gave me chills. I don't get chills when I read things...never. This was amazing. I can see the woman, older but not elderly, hair in a cerchife, skirts old and well mended. I can see her children standing behind her, fear in their eyes when they see the horsemen come to take them.
The only suggestion I would give, is perhaps, telling what the widowed mother does once the two days have passed. How she deals with the men. This is an amazing work and I think it needs an amazing end, however right now it leave the question, why not? Was she so great? I think she was...but then again I also think you should prove it :-D
Amazing work, please continue! -
An interesting concept
I don't read many stories about the four horsemen, but this was a delight to say the least. Solid rhythm, good pacing, and overall exceptionally well-crafted. Just one thing I'd like to point out:
"Famine was an hour gone
When Pestilence rode in,
His horse's coat of maggots,
His smile brighter than sin."
'His smile brighter than sin' doesn't make sense. Personally, I would change "brighter" to darker.
"His horse's coat of maggots.
His smile darker than sin."
Just a suggestion. :]
Impressive work, Ink!
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sorry I couldn't read it all, but pretty good so far
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Hey SoundInkMusic,
Good rhythm and flow to this piece. Evocative imagery and the form is just fine. Like mom's attitude
Steve
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Somewhat.. this reminds me of the stories from the Grimm brothers. And other influences like local folk tales (Prague's fairy tales for instance). Very nostalgic indeed for I was once an avid lover (more of a hunter, actually) of fairy tales/folklore/fables/legends/myths when I was a younger girl
Great piece- I like particularly the line "with quiet deference"-it gave me chills picturing those foursome (though the mental image that came was of the Dark Riders from LOTR lol) riding away together.
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Awesome :)
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Great job with this one. From the first line, a clear image popped into my head. The rhythm was great.
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This has a certain folkloreish quality to it. The kind of story that you are just sure you've heard before, yet cannot quite pin down the memory.
'You are not welcome in my home.' Gotta love the defiant message from a Mother protecting her children.
Nice one Ink.
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I loved this story. I love stories like this. Hell, I MISS stories like this. Have you ever read the story about this man who looks for a godparent for his son? A priest offers, the devil offers, and finally, Death offers, and the man chooses death to be the best godparent for his child.
I felt the widow thing - she's lost her husband, she's not losing her children, no matter WHO shows up at my door, how DARE you speak of them, you have only two days to leave town.
That's badass. No pleadings, no solid, "kill me, but you won't have my kids" just anger enough to make her strong enough to say, "You do NOT want to be in town after two days."
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