“Tell me something sugar,” I asked, kneeling down to the ground to sit between her forged, open thighs. The opening to her wildest temptations, and my tempestuous nightmares. I ran a slender, crooked finger across the line of her torn-laced stockings, and slid it beneath the flimsy cheap fabric that complimented her own penny dropped smile. Her disoriented scream was my hushing lullaby, soothing me into the garden of Lilith. 1
Krista Bell fought against the barbed twine that entangled her own broken, and distorted fingers. Trapping them so tightly that the dagger- bladed steel caressed her ivory flesh, milking her of the rich, aromatic liquid that I, like Bathory, called the wine of youth.2
“Tell me Sugar. What makes your filthy, onyx blood surge through your wasted, anemic veins? What makes your rustic heart racket along the rusted tracks of a young virgins soul like a steam engine hanging of the face of a cliff, while the devil rapes each innocent soul to Hades?”3
Krista Bell cocked back her head, resting it against the chipped wood of the rocking chair I had restrained her to. She looked like a well manufactured porcelain doll, covered in dust and cobwebs. Long legs spread fatally underneath a laced corset dress. Thighs caked with the remnants of rusty blood-stains, and the fading potency of her lovers abuse, and thick, ebony curls that cascades across her rosy, hook- hung lips like vines or serpents ready to suffocate her in an asphyxiated orgasm.4
“I don't understand,” Krista Bell hissed. Her exorcist, flickering tongue lacing the lines of her soft, crackled lips, causing her ruby lipstick to reveal the brutality of her beauty. The truth that she hid underneath the veil of her homecoming, pageant innocence.5
“Pathological, as well as sadistic? Quiet a combination there? Tell me do you feel remorse for your desires? Do you feel regret for the acts you commit on each blond-haired, blue-eyed girl next door? Does it make the liquid between your cut, thin thighs drip like a bleeding faucet to a pool between your toes?” 6
Krista lolled her head to the side. The pain killers were wearing out. Soon her senses would return. All of them; sight, smell, taste, hear, and touch. The way I wanted it. The way she wanted it. We both wanted to delight in the only true emotions that we could ever feel.7
I took the bladed invention I had been working on from underneath the rigid rocking chair, scratching my wrist on the chains that held it still. Unclasping the padlock from the chains, I opened each one, unraveling them. I watched the horror growing in Krista Bells darting eyes, feeling the same bleeding sensation between my own clammy thighs. The rocking chair tilted back, tugging, and pulling on Krista Bells tangled locks. The real screaming started then. I would make her yearn for her malevolent desires. 8
“Tell me sugar. What makes your prominent nub scream for rusted, blood-stained razor blades gliding across your supple flesh?9
Krista Bells eyes grew wider as I rose to my feet, holding the palm, long razor blade between two shaking fingertips. My own demonic tongue tracing my saliva, smeared lips. Hungering the taste of Krista Bells crimson-creamed needing.
Author notes
Just a random freewrite. Not looking for critical Feedback. I am looking for comments though. Not poor comments, helpful comments. Telling me why you liked or disliked it. So if you cannot justify your reason. Don't comment. You're wasting both of our time.
Mainly for Krista who likes sadistic stories.
I like sharp objects: Yes !!!!!!
Blair.
In a list
Gory?
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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A freewrite?
No critical feedback? Ok. 
I do believe it is gory, yes. I also find it quite visual and your word choice is fascinating, as always.
I like how twisted the characters are. I think you have a talent in making them really come to life.
I usually am not one for too much blood, but, whenever I read your work, I know that's not the case. It's like...you bring out the sadistic side in me. That phrase should be on a tee shirt.
I did see a few things that need correcting, but I won't say what. Good job on this.
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Well, I definitely cannot you say you're bad at detail, because there was a lot! But yes, it seemed gory, dark, and even a bit disturbing. Truly eerie and haunting, a sure-to-scare read for Halloween. Absolutely good material for a scary book.
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That was so effing twisted...
...holy mother-effer, PM; where do things like this even come from? That was creepy and gory and somewhat confusing, but the second time around I understood it better--which made it even creepier, if that makes any sense at all. I really liked this line:
"Her disoriented scream was my hushing lullaby, soothing me into the garden of Lilith."
The imagery was fantastic. There were grammatical/punctuation goofs here and there, but they were few and far-between. Good job!
Renaissance
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Well, that was disturbing. I don't really know how to not comment critically while still giving a useful comment, so I'll give one critical comment and then one "useful" one. If that's wasting time, don't read it to spare your half.
Critical comment: there were multiple instances where words didn't grammatically or definitively work in certain situations. Do you care? Probably not. The write is so twisted you can probably get away with it anyway. I just figured I should mention it.
"Useful" comment: I liked the sadistic tone and the imagery, and you effectively applied repetition toward the end. Bravo. The syntax was overall very, very pleasing, while, like I said before, the diction didn't quite fit. How's that for justification?
-Mirror
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For a Freewrite, this is indeed extremely well put together.
I read this more than once and I still can't decide if Krista Bell has been kidnapped and tortured, or whether she is a willing participant in some sadistic game. Is she a sado-masochist? I don't know, althohg para 7 hints to the fact she would prefer it if the pain killers would wear off (as would the narrator). If this is so, then why take the pain killers in the first place?
Is it gory? Yes, it most definitely is; it reminds me of so many 'slasher' movies.
I think (just my own opinion)that if this was extended into a longer story, with more emphasis on the emotions whilst also dealing with the actual SM acts, this would turn out (with your writing skills) to be a real humdinger of a story, albeit not for the faint-hearted.
For me, reading a story containing so much blood and gore and without a vampire or such-like in sight, is a blessed relief and I give you full credit for that
As you're not looking for SPaG or other edits for this one, I will obey your command and refrain from doing so
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Not to everyone's taste, but a good read and, most importantly, a very good write.
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Gory? Yes. That's my honest opinion. I have to admit that I re-read this about twice before I could fully grasp the idea enough to give you a proper critic. The details are strong, but you might want to "dumb" it down a few notches.
The beginning drew me in and the title was an outstanding set-up. When I first clicked the link I was thinking that it'd be something cliche, but it wasn't and that surprised me.
I really don't have anything to suggest about it. I'd like to comment that you have a brilliant way of portraying things and you should hold that until the day that you die. LOLZ.
Amazing job on this Freewrite, you should find a good adult, sadistic contest and see what place it gets.
Blessed Be,
dancer. -
It's not the kind of story that I would normally read, but you wrote it well in that you understand the subject you are writing in, so that takes skill.
I could visualize what was going on--which isn't always a good thing for me, to have this ability.
I didn't want to just read and run--that would be rude. Gory? Yes, it was...my little PollyAnna, Disneyfied heart skipped a beat or two.
And It made my stomach churn, and yet like watching a really bad car accident, you make it hard to just turn away. (which may say something about me.Lol)
You do have the skills and talent for this kind of story and I will give you the clappies and high rating for that.
I do have a question: What's the difference between Emo and Goth? I have wanted to know that for a while but, who to ask?
Which one of them is a cutter? Or are they both?
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Dark, descriptive, vivid and visual. You used good words that flowed and meshed well together. There were some missing commas and apostrophes in places along with some awkward phrasings, but nothing real major. I won't be critical since you didn't ask for it and you did state that this was a freewrite
In p3, where you said "hanging of the face of a cliff", I think you actually meant hanging off the face of a cliff
Overall, good work
Dark and sadistic, which is exactly what you were going for 
Pixie
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Not my favorite type of story or subject but this is well written. The descriptions were vivid and ripe with atmosphere. The way you put phrases together is clever and paints a picture well. A disturbing piece this, which draws on emotions as well as imagination.
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Lovelovelove! ♥
I think Serpentine about covered it... Can you write me a story too? Pretty-please, with Captain Emo on top????
*kinky thoughts*
The only kind of erotica I really get into is this kind; sadistic, bloody love that burns like hot wax & liqueur. I love your stories because your characters are believable; they can commit the most-savage acts and still not take the person out of it. You are AMAZING, Blairey!
PS: The Bathory reference was over the top! I love her, for the sheer fact that her history is so demented.
I'd love to see you continue this; is this your NaNo idea? Or Cafe Belladonna? I would totally read both.
Love youuuuuuu xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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I really liked it, pumpkinloaf!
And you wrote this for meeee? =o
*Tears off clothes and launches self into your arms*
The description was fierce, often disgusting at times in that fucked-up, lip-smackingly good way that you know I love.
The grammar--of course--was lacking, but this *is* a freewrite and freewrites are supposed to be messy (which is part of their charm, methinks).
My favorite line:
"Krista Bell fought against the barbed twine that entangled her own broken, and distorted fingers. Trapping them so tightly that the dagger- bladed steel caressed her ivory flesh, milking her of the rich, aromatic liquid that I, like Bathory, called the wine of youth."
I'm tortured, blood-soaked, yet at the same time lapping up your punishments like a cat to a warm saucer of milk.
Also, the stark contrast between "Dagger-bladed steel" and "caressed" is another wonderful use of language, because we often think of caress as soft and gentle...
Gory? Fuck yes.
Overdone? No way, man.
Was it worth the read? 100000000% yes.
*Pinned against the wall, I cry like a child as you grab a handful of my thick, golden-brown hair before dragging me off into the bedroom where my punishment begins*
~ Love, seprentine
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