This is a fairy tale, though, it is not the kind you are used to.1
No kings and queens, with fancy things, or a prince and a princess with diamond rings. Just two people, a girl and a boy; their echoing laughter as they share their joy...2
But will this end in happily ever after? 3
Once upon a time, there was a boy and a girl. The girl was very insecure. The boy had so much confidence, sometimes, she felt that he had stolen some of hers.4
But did he notice?5
He would laugh as he thought he was the best thing in the world, winning life's subtle game. She would cry, as she thought the same.6
But did he know this?7
Every day, she would stand by his side, make him smile, laugh, but never cry. 8
But did he notice?9
And every day, she would would wish, with all her might, that he saw her in some other light, but fantasy.10
But did he know this?11
And every day, she would sing under her breath, in a form of prayer, or death, to an Unknown God, she would sing...12
I look at you13
do you see me?14
Or what you've always15
wanted me to be?16
Do you see me,17
standing there?18
Scars on my skin,19
dead flowers in my hair?20
Or do you see21
false perfection?22
Radiant skin23
with no rejection?24
Your perfect girl25
without a care.26
Your soul mate, your match27
who isn't there...28
But did he notice?29
And after, she would look deep into his eyes, and he would stare back, unable to penetrate the disguise. Desperate, she changed her tune. She poured out all her pain she knew, and sang...30
Would you care31
if i look deep 32
down into your eyes33
told you that i loved you34
then said goodbye?35
Would you care 36
if i then placed37
a chaste kiss on your face38
then left, and never looked back39
at this god-forsaken place?40
But did he notice?41
No.42
But does he notice now?43
Author notes
this is kind of random, and kind of related to me. i wrote this song, then decided it would make a good story too. so yeah, please critique! thanx.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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this was really good...very very deep..and i loved the rhyming... unique is alwayz a good thing!!...keep up the great work!!
Cyndi -
You never told me you could write so good
Wow...........ok you have sang it to me in the past but i've never really gotten it until now........caitlin you are such a good writter, way better then i'll ever be.
Great poem
Katey
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Great Title
Wow I could see this as if it were a piece of a movie or something it is excellent in my opinion. I even liked how it kind of rhymed in spots and looking between the lines you could easily turn this into a song it does sort of sound like lyrics, seriously. Anyway I don't normally ask for comments in return but sense you mentioned it in the Shamelessly Promoted place I would like your input on one of mine. My name is Kristina (on here it is DarkenedAuras) and I would like a comment on one of the following: Nightmare, Murderous Temptress, Evil Ghost, Don't Go To Hollow Springs, or I Dream of the Girl...your choice, but I will tell you all of them are short stories except Evil Ghost and I Dream of the Girl which are weird mystery poems and Evil Ghist is kind of long. I wanted to give you quite a few choices to pick for yourself. Those are the ones I would appreciate the most feedback on...so I wish you would pick one of them. thanks in advance.
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very nice could be a song with a little more words added, poem is nice and story if you add more words also.. so over all good job with a little more work a poem/som]ng/and maybe a story..Linda
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well I think it was a very well written poem rather than a story, so would probably make a song too, theres only one person who can answer the quest in this piece and thats the guy himself, insecurity can ruin a relationship and possibly he did always see but the doubt in you marred that? I dont know? id just say, you wont know unless you share, because what your thinking could be wrong, Im not saying it is, I dont know Im just saying it could be, were only human after all right? anyway I enjoyed, if you want to comment on a poem of mine, you said to name one so ile name a new one called Poetry emotion, take care.
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this is really really good.....i get it......its really deep and powerful...one of the best ive read all day
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