Fine Cupid.

11.1.071

I loved the way he said my name and the feeling he left me with because I knew he adored me.2

11.2.073

The nerves in my stomach are just as irritated as they were when he died.4

no date.5

True happiness and satisfaction are found within oneself. I haven't found it and am still searching.6

11.4.077

I'm right on Fern Valley Rd. and Heaven. I am somehow taking this peace with me in a piece of memory. A motivation to hope has sunk in. 8

11.6.079

I am gone with him or he can stay down here with me.10

11.8.0711

I wish I could have one more dinner with you.12

11.27.0713

I'm having a flashback right now of when you constantly told me the story of Joey spilling the popscicle on the carpet.14

12.5.0715

I almost want to pretend that this is a dream again, almost like I shouldn't be writing this to you.16

12.15.0717

I think this season I'll stay in my own world. Holidays exist just not with me included.18

12.28.0719

It's been three days after Christmas. It was expected that this one wouldn't be like normal. In the afternoon, I cried, missing you.20

1.7.0821

Today is grandma and grandpa's anniversary. 46 years. I love them both, but am scared you are going to take your sister with you up there. My heart cannot take it.22

1.16.0823

I learned that strength is one of the most important features in a woman. It's attractive.24

2.9.0825

This page is supposed to be dedicated to Uncle Les because it is the mark of 4 months since his death. But last night's events need to be written down too.26

I started crying without understanding. Inside, I felt betrayed. I stayed absolutely silent, unable to breathe.27

[My mom wanted to kill herself]28

7.14.0829

Part of me wanted to be dead.30

7.28.0831

I hope I can dream tonight. I want to be really far away.32

8.20.0833

Two more months until I turn 16. I am not excited.34

8.23.0835

Tonight is the night I realize I have a drug problem. I love pills.36

9.16.0837

I wanted to play the denial game. I remember how it felt to play.38

10.3.0839

I was granted hope and love.40

no date.41

The fight is over. I rest my case.42

12.9.0843

I don't know what to do anymore. I might run.44

12.10.0845

I never thought I would let myself get so bad. I have no one here, and I chose this.46

12.28.0847

I just wish I could be in college away from here. The future scares me.48

2.5.0949

Focus on myself now. Me. Me. Me.50