~I smile. 1
My bags are packed and i am standing in line at the airport. 2
Bragging about not being able to wait to go back home.3
To see my family.4
To get away from this place.5
You fake a smile, from lacking the knowledge that i too am doing the same.6
You thought i would be devastated.7
You want to see me hurt.8
You thought this was your best revenge.9
But seeing me smile is killing you.10
With the biggest grin i can dig out of my soul, i turn and walk through security, knowing i wont be returning.11
The second i am out of sight, i start bawling. 12
I run to the pay phone and call him, the one you wouldn't let me be friends with, because "members of the opposite sex, can't be friends"13
It it quiet for a few seconds, he almost hangs up.14
With all that is in me, i manage to speak his name.15
He asks where i am.16
~I lose it.17
I explain that i am at the airport because you are sending me back "home"18
You think it would be best. I explain that with no warning, you packed my bags while i was at school and took me to the airport right after.19
He is speechless. We hang up. 20
~I get on the plane.21
I am crying still. I am returning to the house i once used to inhabit with the people who control me. I have no home, nor am i smiling on the plane.22
No, in fact i am having a mental breakdown. Much like the ones you happily gave me night after night when i lived with you, which was about 2 hours ago.23
By now everyone in the plane is trying not to stare at me. 24
I feel sorry for the man sitting next to me. 25
He doesn't know how to help, he wants to. He asks whats wrong.26
"I didn't even get to say goodbye!" I try to say in a calm voice.27
The plane was silent. I held my breath.28
~I think29
It is virtually all i can do. 30
My plane lands in my layover city. I have 2 hours before i arrive "home"31
I don't know what to do. All i do is try to relax.32
I get on the next plane and arrive at my so-called-home.33
I arrive the same way i left, with a smile.34
What you don't know and will never know is that you won.35
You got your revenge better than you had ever imagined.36
And thanks to you, i am emotionally ripped to pieces for life.37
I will never speak of the abuse i encountered with you. 38
Nor will i tell others you won.39
As far as anyone is concerned, i am happy.40
I won the war.41
And I will be okay.42
~And I smile43
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Beautiful piece. I love the emotion and details in this. Very heart wenching. The meaning behind this is so sad and beautiful. Keep on writing and may your smiles never be masks and never be fake.
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wow. this is amazing. heartbreakingly beautiful, vaguely bitter, powerful, emotional, tension-filled, and most definitely a tear jerker. you are my hero for being able to survive an experience like that and then write such a strong opem about it. i can relate on some levels, but not all. the cool thing is, when i read this, i know exactly how you were feeling, just by being touched through the words. you have a great gift, and i am very impressed. my favorite line was where you said :
"With the biggest grin i can dig out of my soul"
it sucks to have to smile when you don't mean it, but sometimes it's necessary. you seem to have done a great job with it then, and i nhope that by now, all your smiles are real
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excellent
this poem reaches such strong points that i try to overlook but you seem to have mastered living your life and understanding that no one ever really wins -
really a very touching prose-poem, Smile and this write definitely went full-circle from beginning to end bringing the reader along with you. such complex emotions, yet you wrote in such simple terms which actually adds to the reader's alertness to the situation and feel for the piece. very nice writing and glad that I was able to read this.
Jo -
wow, a story of pain lose and sorrow. such strong emotoin played out and such vivid detail. trueyly an awsome write.
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omg that was alot of scrolling down-socially excepted sucks ¬_¬
anyways
i thought this was deep, but i couldnt personally relate to it. is this comprised of an actual event? i feel it is, because theres lots of little blanks. but its still a good short story
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i think it looks much better!!! to me if you really want a word to stand out, this way you can just capitilize the first letter and let it be alone on a line by itself, it really makes the poem tricky... and also this way it looks different than anyother poem.. most centered poems.. if hung up on a wall next to a bunch of other poems they all look the same.. but left alligned.. they all look so good and so different... heck of an improvement! and i just want to say that you should consider publishing some of this stuff! it is great!!
__Meg -
aww!!! i love this!! but no offence i think you should write it again... the font color is really really hard to see!! :-\ and you can take this advice if you want to.. but my myth teacher is totally obsessed w. poetry and hes sooooo good at it and he says centering a poem is really bad for the poem, it takes away from its form.. its kinda become a pet peeve of mine lol.. but this is a great poem and i love it!! it almost made me cry! and it matches up with your username really well!
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i liked it, especiallt the last line or two- good solid ending which i fidn difficult to do. Umm.. i actually wrote about a similar situtation, crying on a plane anyway, that akwardness, but at the same time that sense that your so sad you don't even care about the man sitting across from you starring. i think you captured it well.
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i related to this poem. I always am smiling even if I'm being torn to shreds inside. this was wonderfully written. thanks for sharing.
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Wow, this is such a sad and touching story. Can i ask wether this is a true story or not? If it is let me say that you caome acrosss as a really strong person and im sorry you had to go through this. Your style is great and it flows beautifully, the emotions you are trying to express come through very strongly. If this story isnt real then you are a fantastic writer and skillful in that you can convey such feeling with your words. keep up the excellent work, well done.
Nat -
Wow..did this one take me back 14 years! You have really poured your soul out here.Only when I left, I cried for 3 months. During our 27 year marriage, I always smiled and noone ever knew of the verbal and physical abuse. Not even my children! Having something end so quickly, leaves you at a loss, because you don't know who you are anymore, or what the future holds. Very scary. Great release to write this story.
Light and love, Linda
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aww ashes!! i love you and miss you so much!!!! and i am so sorry you have to live this way and be all broken and i am sorry i couldnt do anything to keep you here and i am sorry life is such a bitch! i love you...
~britt -
this is so sad....i feel so sorry for the main caracter that must really suck
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I think you might want to change the background colors lol...okay now that I got that out...OMG WOW!!! Once I realized there was actually words here(
) Omg that was so amazing...I can't describe it, I just completely love this!!!!! amazing job.
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when reading this you can tell it came from the heart. amazing write.
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Touching
#3 This is the best by far. It is the darkest and the most emotional of these that I have read. This is an amazing write. the emotion that a person can feel just flowing from this is incredible. As a friend I can only hope that you have never gone through this pain and if you have all I can say is sorry...hoping that maybe it will help a litte. Good write.
~King of the Dew -
Man this is steeped with emotion and regret and though it seemed like everything was fine you know it is not...I have heard that line "You can't have friends of the oppostie sex" before and I think it is a crock but I really enjoyed reading this...to return the favor I think you might enjoy my poem Teenage Peer Pressure or A Pressured Life or Gone Too Far I thought I would give you options of ones I would like commented on...in case
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Very emotionally charged piece of writing. You definitely write true to your feelings which is something I wish more poets would do. I'd like to see the lines split up so they're a bit shorter, but this is obviously your poem and you do what you like. The content was quite good. Keep up the good work.
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this is such a heartfelt poem,you sure poured your emotions in this one for sure keep penning and try to keep as much emotions in your poems ..makes a difference..Linda
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Wow this is hard, where did u get the feelings to write this
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Heartbreakingly honest. Sometimes we have to pour our souls out onto the page to exorcise our demons. This piece is a good example of that.
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I don't know this deep of a pain, and hopefully I never will, though I wish you never experienced it either. I can't say things will work themselves out, but I wish I could. I wish I could make it better, like the man on the plane beside you. All I know to do is be here for you, love you. And I always will.
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