Now Riley was a rather stout man, taking up a lot of space, but the bulk of his stature was made up of his chunky, multicolored hand knitted jumper, pink puffer jacket and enormous feet! Often Riley cried himself to sleep holding a box of bon-bons and an old copy of Suzanna Somers Thighmaster demonstration video. I guess Riley carried the video for inspiration, because that was all that was left after he broke the Thigh Master in a fit of anger! After the thighmaster broke, Riley worked out with the ab lounger...Huffing and puffing, from his pathetic work out, he decided he needed a new approach. 2
He decided his new approach would be hunting monkeys! And to his surprise, it spontaneously combusted! He couldn’t tell what had quite made it burst but he was looking at it weirdly. Little did he know that his pants were filled with several pounds of highly explosive Dynamite! The dynamite was lit and Riley began to count down to his demise. He was innocently biting cardboard, and drooling a little, when a sparrow flew into him, knocking him off the wing. I knew I had to act fast to save us, so I quickly grabbed a coke from the flight attendants’ tray and threw it on the dynamite, all the while turning my attention to the wing of the plane where the gremlin had managed to reappear after his encounter with the sparrow! 3
I knew I had to do something about the gremlin so I..."Aaaah it burns," said Riley, flailing his flaming, coke-stained pink arms in the air, "I can't feel my--" BOOM! The awful thing kept clawing, CLAWING I said! Clawing its screechy claws at the window until I noticed...... that this was no gremlin, in fact it was my mother, it seemed I had left my lunch at home. Good thing I realized, I had almost killed her and...But he realized that he had been de-clawed and fell back sadly onto the ground with a loud "oof".4
As he got up he heard a loud "reccc", his trousers had ripped in the back and you could see his butt-line!
and then he turned around and saw he was being made fun of by a giant chicken. 5He was standing where Riley had blown up, looking around with the same puzzled look as me, wondering how a plane could still fly after a large man's trousers, filled to the brim with dynamite, had exploded inside of it. As an on-looker to this bizarre occurrence I just sat in awe wondering why the plane was still in the air. Than an idea just hit me like a ton of bricks so I grabbed my guitar and then it happened…The gremlin that had so much resembled my mother, was screaming at me to wake up…it had all just been a dream. Dream or no dream, I decided that maybe I’d go to Russia instead.6
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