Blue Fireflies

After The Accident, Mr. Kline the Shrink told me that I could make things easier if I thought of everything that I would remember when I moved. “It’ll make the transition easier.” “But what if I don’t want to make it easier?” “Why wouldn’t you want to make it easier?” “ .“ “Jenna.” “Mr. Kline.” “Please, call me Pete.” “Pete.” “I want you to do something for me.” “Yes..?” “I want you to look at some pictures and tell me what you see.” “But if they’re pictures, don’t you see what I see?” “No. No, they’re special pictures. Everyone sees a different picture.” “Oh?” “Ready?” “Sure.”1

He pulled out a thick stack of papers that whooshed as he wobbled them in his hairy hands. With a glance at me, he flipped out the last one and turned it to face me. A black splash enveloped the stark white of the paper. “What do you see?” He turned his head down and studied it. I saw everything. A bat, a blooming flower, two dancing women with thin hips and clawed hands, a horses mane divided in two. “A bat.” I mumbled.2

When I came back to the hotel room I shared temporarily with the Social Services lady, I started writing my list of things to remember on a folded napkin I found by my bed and a pen that said “Best Western.” The napkin had a small smear in the corner from the cookie I had with SSL the night before. The pen cut off at very bump of the wrinkled napkin as I wrote.3

1. The mailman4

2. Mrs. Bleeze’s manic Chihuahua, Napoleon5

3. The pigeons that crowded Jack’s feet when he fed them his only bread6

4. Jack the really nice homeless man7

5. Maribel’s zebra curtains8

6. Mom9

7. Mom10

8. M11

I put down the pen. It made me really want to cry, and I felt worse because I couldn’t. I crumpled up the napkin and threw it away. 12