The Butterfly Garden

"I thought, if I was to die...Things would be better..."1

My teeth had been knocked out. Colliding full force with a truck, when you're about 3"6' isn't exactly what keeps you beautiful at such a young age. ...Unconciousness....I felt my head swimming with pain, and thoughts of black roses,...And then I tasted blood... Coming from my nose, and my already loose teeth... I felt bludgeoned...Beaten...And completely stupid for running into a parked truck's bed. My dark brown locks that once cascaded down my back, were caked and bloodied, sticking to the material of my white dress, and porcelain skin. I had been broken... Shattered... My Mother's doll that now seemed so lifeless,... Lay there on the pavement, just outside of our home on Cynthia street. Six years old, battered, and bruised, on Heaven's floor... I wanted nothing more than to die. 2

***3

My little Mary-Jane shoes skipped merrily, as the long white dress I wore flew behind me. I used to play, in what they now call... "The Butterfly Garden"... I played, like Angels do. Graceful... Undeniably radiant... Or maybe, it was just the white of my dress, with the sun beams bouncing off of it, that made it seem that there was a Halo around my brown head. I fell in the grass,... And repeated my everyday routine... I closed my eyes, and only opened them, when I thought the sky had turned black... I frowned slightly,... Always disappointed at the blue sky... Something inside of me hated the color... Something inside of me hated how... Cheerful it seemed. I gave this a moments thought, and turned my head, only to be greeted with a smile. ...Tyler... His two front teeth had been missing for about four days now, and his eager, mint green eyes, watched me closely as I proceeded to chase a Monarch, that I successfully, managed not to catch... "The day is beautiful" he remarked as I, again, closed my eyes, for the twenty-fifth time that day. I smiled and nodded, falling back into the grass. Tyler, my peer, took the Liberty of lying next to me. "Why do you close your eyes?" He asked... I hesitated for a moment, not wanting to shatter his beliefs. "Because the sky isn't pretty...I just wish it'd turn black....Or a nice grey would do." I replied. He smiled thoughtfully, and concentrated his gaze on my eyes. "Open your eyes" he whispered. I did as he asked, and greeted him with blue-green eyes, that were as ugly as the days sky. He put his arms around me and, again, whispered in my ear... "Kendra, my darling...Can I keep you?"...4

I looked at Tyler and laughed, completely disreguarding his feelings. I let out a small chuckle again, and looked into the emerald green eyes that, now, had tears clouding them. He had been serious. He wanted to keep me as his own,....As a companion in this cold and lonely world. A few warm tears fell from his eyes and onto the the backs of my hands, that laid palm-down in the grass. You never forget the feeling of your friends' tears. "Tyler..." I whispered... And I was afraid for what happened next. He didn't want to stay to listen. I had insulted him... I had be-littled him... I had laughed at him. My best friend, my beautiful creature. He was now running toward the gate to "The Butterfly Garden". The boy wouldn't slow down. "Tyler!" I yelled, but my friend wouldn't yield to my calling. And then, I got my wish. The sky slowly turned a dark grey, and the wind blew heavily, sending brown locks into my angelic face. I had to get to Tyler... My Tyler. I followed him through the gate, trying to get my small frame through the forces of the wind. "It looks like rain" I thought to myself as small droplettes of water began to fall from the gloomy sky. PERFECTION. 5

I ran through the gate to Tyler's play yard...Only to find a gruesome sight. The noose, tied tightly around his neck,... The tire that the rope once held, lay forgotten in the grass next to the Oak Tree. I gasped and fell to my knees... As the tears, I never cried, threatened to break the barriers of strength, cunning, and the will to live life, like it had a purpose. And that's the day I realized...Life...Is completely pointless. Eat, sleep, win, lose, love, die. 6

***7

I ran back through the gates, away from, what should have been, my love's body. What should have been, a happy ending. 8

My Mary-Janes were a bit too big, and not nearly broken into... My mother had gotten them for me, the day before...A souvenier for her personal Dolly. Tears streaked down my face, and clouded my vision, to seeing nearly nothing... My hands covered my face... My hands covered the shame... My Tyler was gone... 9

I was on the ground... Completely oblivious of the time... The place... The State... My name... My head was pounding, with four different voices being registered in my brain... One being, Tyler's. The thoughts of black roses, were increasingly strange to me. I broke down in sobs, as the rain fell hard. I tasted blood for the very first time... Un-aware, that it was indeed, mine. I put a hand to my mouth and investigated the inside... Two of my teeth had been knocked out... I thought, if I was to die, things would be better. If I died right here, it'd be an Eternity with, Tyler. 10

Broken,... Shattered... All things beautiful, would come to an end sometime... And now that I look back on it... I took many things for granted...11

I never visited "The Butterfly Garden" again. Not after that day.12