My Daughter

I never thought I’d be one of them. I never stopped to think about what I was getting into. I never thought about anything…until I had Emily. Emily Marie Ryan is my daughter, and I’m 16 and a sophomore in high school. 1

I had always been popular in school. I had all the friends in the world, a perfect boyfriend, and I was a star athlete on the track field. I lived with my mom, and my two twin brothers, Ian and Dylan. My dad left us when I was nine, but that’s a story better off left untold. 2

I had been with my boyfriend, Jason, for a year before we decided to have sex. It felt right at the time, like we’d be together forever anyway. Sure it changed the relationship, but we were young and in love…or so we thought. 3

When I found out I was pregnant, it felt like my world had finally come to an end. I kept wanting to hear my alarm clock waking me up, just hoping it was a dream, but it wasn’t. I remember just wanting to die. I would lock myself in my room and cry for all it was worth. I couldn’t raise a kid. I was still just a kid myself. 4

I didn’t know how or why it had happened. Jason and I had always been careful. He always wore a condom. We always tried to be so safe. I later learned that one night the condom had broke, but he hadn’t thought it would be a big deal. I laugh when I remember how he told me that. Well, guess he was wrong. 5

The first person I told was my mom and my brothers. I knew my mom would be disappointed, how could she not be? I was disappointed with myself for what had happened. I told her and for the first time in my life, that brave personality that had always been around, fell. 6

My mom was really supportive of me. The one thing I got lucky with (Besides having a daughter like Emily) is that my mom is a realtor. She knew of a bunch of small apartments that I could live in. She was supportive of me, yet she also thought that if I was going to take responsibility for this new life growing inside of me, then I’d have to make a life of my own too. 7

Of course, she would constantly show me adoption papers and all this other stuff about adoption. I wouldn’t hear of it though. I knew I wanted to keep Emily from the second I found out I was pregnant. No matter how many people tried to convince me to put her up for adoption, I just knew I’d never be able to do it…and I was right. As for an abortion, well, killing just wasn’t an option at all.8

Telling Jason was a whole different story. I told him to come home with me one day after school. I figured telling him face to face in a calm environment like my house was best. It wasn’t a calm environment when I told him. I had loved him from the bottom of my heart since I met him, but I had never seen him that angry before. He had started screaming and yelling at me, telling me the baby wasn’t his or that I was lying. My mom demanded that he leave. That was the last time I ever saw Emily’s father. 9

Nearly 7 ½ months later, Emily Marie Ryan was born. Some people may call me dumb for raising a child so young, not even thinking about adoption. Those people have obviously never met my daughter or me. I’m 19 now, Emily is three. She has beautiful blonde hair and she loves to smile and giggle. These past few years have been the hardest years of my life, and I know it will keep getting harder and harder. I have Emily though…and that’s all I need.10