“Rainbows”2
Anfel put his hand on the massive tree trunk, felt the bark under his hand. He must have done this a million times – but this time felt special. It might be the last time he ever did it. His mouth and vocal cords worked in coordination to form words in a language unknown to any humans. The bark melted away to reveal an archway showing a staircase leading down. From the opening, chatter and music flowed.3
That music ... oh how he hated that cheerful music. He took a deep breath, before entering the archway, his seeming sneakers changing as they took the steps down. The glamour lifted, Anfel’s former human appearance took drastic changes. The jeans and shirt morphed, replaced by yellow-and-blue armor with intricate designs. Two scabbards formed, one holding a jewel adorned scimitar, the other a knife. The handsome and squared off face got higher cheekbones and a more delicate chin, although the sharp green eyes stayed the same. The short brown hair lengthened down below his shoulders and yellowed to a vibrant, dirty blonde color.4
The glamour was fully gone in seconds. He continued down the circular staircase, bringing him down into a chaotic and large hall, filled with life. Sounds and smells were everywhere, conflicting each other. A young elf sat at a table with three elf females, saying, “You know what I hate about vampires? It’s not the fact they kill people, or the fact they drink blood – it’s that they don’t sparkle enough!” The joke got scores of laughter from the females.5
Anfel merely continued past the table, his mind on other things. A fairy fluttered in front of him with her glowing insect wings. She carried a notepad. “Can I get you anything?” 6
He glanced at her large eyes and childish face. “Just passing through.” She just nodded and moved on to the next customer. 7
His next distraction was a dwarf jumping in his way. “Anfel? By the gods, it’s really you.” He turned to his mates, sitting at the bar, gulping down beer. “Hey, guys, this is the one I told you about. Saved my life he did. Killed not one, not two, but three werewolves, all by himself.”8
Anfel smiled awkwardly. “One didn’t have time to change.” His words were drowned by the cheers coming from the dwarfs.9
The dwarf looked up at him hopefully. “Won’t you sit down and have a drink with us? Just for a bit.”10
“Sorry, got a shift. But enjoy.” He thought for a moment then added, “Drink like you never drunk before. It’s on me.” Anfel ignored their redoubled cheers and continued on. There was one more thing he could have added. Cause there may not be a tomorrow. If anyone had been looking closely enough, they might have seen the sadness reflected in his eyes as he continued through the hall and into an all-but empty corridor.11
He felt better now, the chatter and sounds of the main hall behind him. Nothing but him and his thoughts here. His footsteps echoed, and he turned a corner. Navigating the maze-like corridors of the Rainbow Tree as it was called, after the book itself, was tricky, even for the creatures that had lived there their whole lives, but he had walked this path many times. Dreaming about this day. This very day. And now it was all becoming a reality.12
Tiny doubts lingered in his heart, but he wouldn’t allow them to affect him. This was the right course of action. So many arguments he had had with himself. He had decided – and now he would act according to those decisions. Footsteps approaching his own gave him the momentary urge to hide. But the reaction was unreasonable and he kept walking, he had every right to be there.13
A squad of elf soldiers came into view. Their leader had a face Anfel knew well. A childhood friend – or rival, depending on how things were looked at. “Anfel! I didn’t think you’d be working. Didn’t your shift end?” The brown haired elf stopped in front of him, his squad halting behind him. 14
“It did. I’m working a double. Volunteered for guarding the book.”15
Markus grinned teasingly. “Volunteered for inside-tree duty? That’s not like you, Anfel. You sure you’re not coming down with something?” 16
“It’s just an important day is all.”17
“That it is. Okay then. I’m heading out for above world guard duty.” Markus slapped him on the shoulder as he passed. “See ya later.”18
“Yeah.” Anfel stood in the corridor for a while even after the sound of footsteps disappeared. He took one glance back. “Farewell, old friend.” Determination once again shining out of his eyes, he started walking again. In a way he was relieved Markus would not be here to see this.19
Finally he reached the chamber he had been heading for. It wasn’t big, and it didn’t look all that impressive. But the mighty stone doors – now open – did. On a pedestal, in the middle of the room, a worn out book rested. The title could still be made out clearly on the white cover. Rainbows. Around it stood four guards, forming a rectangle. Three others milled about, all of them taking note of his entrance and presenting themselves to a white haired fourth one.20
The white haired one glanced at him. “Good, you’re here.” Anfel knew him. One of his old instructors. An elf called Tirimir. In fact the entire guard was elven. Historically it was their job to protect the tree. Although other creatures were allowed, and did live there, the Rainbow Tree was primarily home of the elves. The elf nodded to the four guards around the pedestal, who immediately left the room. 21
Tirimir then turned to the other four, including Anfel. “Well, you know the drill, stand in your posts.” They obeyed, taking up positions just like the other four. “And one more thing. You may think this is ceremonial. Just ... a precaution. But on three separate occasions, the Blood has made it’s way in here, on a day just like this one. The guardian had died, the book at it’s most vulnerable. And it was only that door.” He pointed. “And guards just like you, that stood in their way. Be vigilant! And remember, I will be checking up on you, so you better be right here, and alert.” 22
Tirimir left the room, stood outside of it, and chanted. The heavy stone slabs moved into place, sealing the room. Anfel felt his heart beat faster. Now was not the time. Waiting was required, softening the others up a bit. So he waited. Usually it was easy for him to just do nothing, let his mind go into some other place, and leave the guarding to his sharpened senses. But now waiting was agony.23
The time passed. Seconds, minutes, hours. Somehow. And finally, Anfel figured it was the right moment. He stepped forward, out of the formation, past the two front guards, and turned to all of them, breaking silence that had reigned this entire time. “So ... guys, is anyone else bored?”24
The left front guard glanced at him. “We’re not supposed to talk.”25
The right one raised his hands. “Oh, I’m so bored.” 26
Anfel smiled. “Yeah, then what do you guys say we play some cards?” They were too preoccupied with looking at his face to notice that his hands had slipped to his weapons. The left front one noticed, but that was just before a blade silenced him eternally by slashing the throat and severing the major artery. It continued on it’s arc, killing the other front guard. Before the last one managed to draw his weapon a thrown knife found his throat. All three of the guards dropped down. Dead.27
He calmly walked to the middle of the room, picked the book up, and slipped it into his waistline, beneath the clothes and the armor plates. Then he retrieved his dagger, wiped his sword clean on one of the guard’s clothes, and headed to the door, opening them with a simple push. From the outside they were impenetrable. From the inside they were no obstacle.28
But no sooner had they been opened than Tirimir walked in view. The old elf stared at first Anfel, then the dead guards, then the empty pedestal, then back at Anfel. “You. One of our most honored members. Why?” Anfel merely raised his sword. “I see.” Tirimir drew his own. “Well then ... let us see if the pupil has surpassed the master.”29
Anfel didn’t say a word, merely came at his former instructor with all his strength. His every blow was met with an equal one, but all Tirimir could do was to defend. Once upon a time Anfel had respected this man. Their swords rang out. Believed in what he said, in the importance of their mission. His sword sliced a shallow cut Tirimir’s neck – neither one of them missed a beat. But then he actually went out there, and slew the monsters, the Blood, doing it better than anyone else. Tirimir came at him hard, flurry of blows and anger – the old elf could sense he was losing and it threw him off balance. And all he could remember was ... the blood, the screams, the death, the pointlessness of it all. His former teacher finally screwed up, missed him with an overzealous lunge, and Anfel used the opportunity. 30
His dagger came up, pierced under the armor plate and upwards to Tirimir’s heart. Anfel watched dispassionately as his old mentor gave him one last horrified glance before passing away. He let the body fall to the ground. After wiping the dagger clean, he sheathed both his weapons, and continued through the corridors. 31
No one else got in his way, and no alarm sounded. Anfel knew it was unlikely it would – at least not until much later. Very few travelled this section of the tree. Almost sooner than he expected, the main hall opened up for him. By this point he was sweating. He kept expecting someone to say something like, “Hey, aren’t you supposed to be on duty?” But no one did. No one even bothered him as he made his way through the room. 32
Anfel went up the circular staircase, put his hand on the bark, and almost forgot to put his human glamour on. He took a deep breath, before saying a few ancient words. The enchanted armor did most of the work for him. After a few moments he was indistinguishable from any human. He opened the door to the outside, smiled and nodded to the other human-disguised elfs on guard duty at the outside.33
By the time he had passed the park, he was grinning from ear to ear. He had did it. He had really did it. The book was his. All that was left now was figuring out how to destroy it. And he had just the person in mind. Not exactly a friend, but he was hoping their mutual good interest would guide her. 34
Fortunately she was in walking distance. Funny, how close the Rainbows and the Blood had their offices. He had to admit, with every step he expected someone to run towards him, attack him. It should be a while still before the theft would be discovered – but paranoia didn’t listen to reason.35
He continued through the streets of the city, clouds above him, casting a gloomy light over the faces he met. Humans. The true rulers of the planet. Fairytale creatures – the “Rainbows” – and horror creatures – the “Blood” – were just hollow reflections. Created for their amusement, just stories. But somehow they had become real. Bound to the books. Anfel often wondered exactly who had named them. Rainbows and Blood. Odd names, though appropriate. 36
The place he was looking for came up sooner than he expected. A nondescript black door. No markings. Nothing to indicate an otherworldly presence or creature living inside. Anfel brought his hand up, hesitated for a moment, and then knocked. Three times. He didn’t have to wait long. The door opened promptly a few seconds later.37
The one who answered the door looked cut out of a Halloween catalog – the witch costume. Short, hunched, and even had warts on her nose. Anfel smiled thinly. “Nice glamour. What do you really look like?”38
“Thank you. You know how it is in the biz, appearances.” Her voice was even raspy, and witch-like. She stood aside and let him come in. Closing the door, she turned to him. “So ... what’s an elf doing visiting a witch? I am assuming you haven’t come to kill me.”39
Anfel looked around. Big black cauldron: Check. Creepy artifacts: Check. Bats in the ceiling: Check. The cozy red sofa and the comfortable carpet seemed somehow out of place though. Like it should be a stone cave instead of a large, one-room apartment. He smiled and faced the witch. “No. But you already knew that, or you wouldn’t have let me in. I came because of this.” Anfel showed her the book.40
Her eyes widened. “The cards told me it was big – but I never figured it was this big.”41
Anfel nodded. “Well it is. So tell me. How do I destroy it?”42
The witch looked at him for a moment from under the pointy wide-brimmed hat. “There is a way of course ... excuse me a second.” She hitched up her long black dress and walked up the couple of steps to the area where her cauldron was. Next to it was a table, filled with beakers, liquids, and unsavory objects. It also held an open book. Thick and heavy, quite in contrast with the small white book Anfel held. The witch began flipping the pages. “I am no ... expert on the books, but I do know that the only way to destroy them is to destroy them both at the same time.”43
“What?” Anfel hadn’t thought of that. But it made sense. Of course this changed the whole game though. He could no longer rely on the witch’s help, though it didn’t hurt to try. “And you ... would you happen to know where the Blood book is kept?”44
The witch stopped and turned to him, giving him a long appraising stare. “You do know what happens if the books are destroyed, right? You, me, both our worlds, all the magic, all the creatures, all the elves, it’ll all be gone. And all that’ll be left is the dull human world.”45
“Was that a no?”46
“Oh I know where it is. But I have no death wish.” The witch said a single word, laced with magic and pink energy hit his chest – but Anfel didn’t feel a thing.47
He simply held up the book. “Did you forget that whoever holds it is protected from all spells?”48
The witch stopped the spell, looked at him, and just had the time to say, “Oh shi –” before a scimitar severed her head from her body. The glamour lifted, he could see a fairly ordinary black-haired woman – but although the face changed and the wart disappeared, the hat and the dress stayed. 49
“Huh. Guess she liked to play dress up.” He carefully wiped his sword on her clothes, then sheathed it. Anfel stood up, sighing. This changed all his plans. Now he had both the Rainbows and the Blood after him – and he somehow had to steal the latter’s book, and destroy them both at the same time. All by himself. This was looking more and more like that Tom Cruise movie. After thinking that though he realized he had been spending way too much of his free time in human theaters.50
He moved to inspect the rest of the apartment, finding nothing – well, finding a lot out of the ordinary, but nothing that could help him. It was by pure coincidence that he was standing right by a seemingly clear patch of red wall, when it began to ripple and turn black. The blackness then opened to reveal a girl.51
The two of them stared at each other, both asking at the same time, “Who are you?”52
Author notes
Me and SeaLilly-Lilac decided to each do our own take on the title "Rainbows and Blood", so stay tuned on her profile for hers. It should be arriving soon(ish)
Also ... although we only comitted to writing the first chapters, I´ve got eight more plus en epilouge planned out. So if enough people want me to keep writing - I just might 
In a list
Comments
-
p5; "A young elf sat at a table with three elf females, saying,..." I think it might flow better to say, "three female elves" instead. Just a suggestion.
p30; " His sword sliced a shallow cut Tirimir’s neck – neither one of them missed a beat." I think you forgot 'on' in between the words 'cut' and 'Tirimir's'. Which, by the way, is an awesome name, I love it.
p33; "He opened the door to the outside, smiled and nodded to the other human-disguised elfs on guard duty at the outside." The plural of elf is elves.
p34; "He had did it. He had really did it." Change that to either he had done it, or get rid of the had and make it he did it.
This was a very good chapter that just a simple edit will make professional-grade. The best part of it was the actual writing; for the most part, this could have been the first chapter of a novel I picked up from the bookstore.
I'm curious to see what happens. My internet is limited, but I do plan on reading on when I can find the time.
Great job, and I'd appreciate any comments on some of my writing, most especially one of the two prologues I have posted. Though I don't expect any. :-)

-
-
Thank you, for your comment and the edit suggestions

I´ll go through them when ... I get into an editing mood? lol
-
-
omg. This is terrific!! Definitely left me wanting more. You're awesome!!
Headed to chapter two for sure!!


-
Mwahaha, I'm finally starting on the reading/commenting! >:3
Okay first off, Anfel BUGS ME! I don't know what it is, but I just don't like him. :/ But his name, is awesome. <3
Lots of description whole way through, which is great. I don't come across that very often. Very good, and the better thing? It's LOOOONGG! Finally, a fellow writer who actually writes a story that is longer than 300 words. *rolls eyes*
-
-
sorry, meant to give this comment five stars ... anyways. thanks for commenting. and why don´t you like anfel? I find him perfectly alright for a sociopath that kills people
(and other beings)
-
-
Hi D.L. Today's a reading and commenting day and a mutual friend, Violette, recommend pretty much anything by you. The thing about Violette is 1) She's a Storywrite gem, in both writing ability and attitude and 2) She likes reading me. This is telling of her stellar taste in literature (yeah, I know you're rolling your eyes on 2 LOL)
More seriously, it's obvious why you come recommend. Your words... flow. Great imagery in very few words, high fantasy finally done right. Not much to edit here, if anything. Which is well enough, my editing skills lack. However:
#21 - "elf.elven" becomes repetitive.
#27 - seemed wordy. The terse descriptions of before are supplanted by "but that was just before a blade silenced him eternally by slashing the throat and severing the major artery". This loquacious and rambling sentence isn't you.
#30 - world and character building between sword swings. Excellent. But, I suggest losing "screwed up" ... this quip doesn't sit right. Ditto with "passed away" in #31.
#33 - "Glamour". I know the proper definition is "spell" or "bewitch". But back in my colourful days it meant "putting on makeup". This is why it tripped me up. I don't know why I'm mentioning this, other than the very amusing images of Anfel doing himself up in drag makeup in the first read. Don't change it; this is obviously just me and my many quirks.
Things move along nicely, we find out about Rainbow and Blood and the stories... I love the way you wove every fantasy character known into this world. #40 and the couch... great.
Otherwise, you mix the commas with the conjunctions for flow, which I admit is a style I'm drawn to. Too many writers on this site seem addicted to the word "and" when there are so many others; then, as, while...
Nicely done. High fantasy isn't my fave, I'm more drawn to low fantasy (Connan the Barbarian et al). Still, well worth seeing what comes next.
Dw

-
Interesting. I like it. I was going to do something like this with a friend of mine as well. You did good, and I WILL come back to read more.
So far you have a good set up, a few grammar mistakes here and there, but overall it's a decent set up. It seems to flow quite well, and I can't wait till I come back to read more. -
-
I´m glad you like it, even though you already know the ending. dirty cheat
-
-
nuthin but awsumness bro! hahaha yu realy r gud. yu shuld write bookz sumtyme in da future
-
-
Thank you. And yes, that was the plan
-
-
Ohh a cliff hanger i love it! Great story and it leaves alot of stuff unanswered which makes me want to read more, I loved it of course you are a wonderful writer. Amazing as always


-
-
Thank you, thank you. Always nice to be appreciated
-
-
oh your always apreciated your awsome
-
-
-
Interesting
Rainbows and blood.. well rain would'nt be considered cynical I suppose. It fits well in a way. If you continue this it could make a nice original story with a great plot/story line..
though it reminds me of inkheart with the books an' all but besides that very creative.


-
-
lol, thank you. and no one is going in or coming out those books
-
-
*Claps* Bravo, bravo! Amazing! Please write more.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
-
-
No problem. Already have
-
-
YOU HAD BETTER RIGHT MORE I TELL YOU!!!! All the work, all the lack of sleep, and I read this whole chapter and fell in love with it. Rarely does something catch my interest anymore except my own writing (haha I sound conceded but it's true)
Elves have always been one of my favorite magical creatures (second favorite actually as dragons are proudly holding on to spot number one)
The title had caught my interest because it was so bizarre but I think it's fitting after I read the whole chapter.
It's a very fasinating story and I demand MORE!!! MUAHAHAHA!!

-
-
Hehe. I figured you´d like it.
I guess I have no choice but to keep writing then
But you better keep reading
Jk
-
-
Wow nice opening paragraph. I mean DAMN! That was a great start and the description of Anfel was great, he seems to be a very interesting character and this archway thing has captured my interest quick smart.
Not that you work wasn't awesome before but this one was even better, i really noticed an improvement in your writing. it's very mature and rich. or perhaps it's all like that and i have simply been apart from it too long.
Gah! You did not just make a jibe at twilight! my god, you monster!
oooo loved para 11, from light and cheerful to omg in a heartbeat!
what? Anfel betrayed his own kind! What the hell is wroong with this boy? Somebody slap him!
oh cool humans created them nice! i really want you to continue on with this, it's deadly as!
oh god, poor witch, how gruesome. What's the matter with Anfel? Does he want to die?
good endiing, eagerly await the rest

-
-
I guess I´m forced to write the rest then

Thanks for the review ... Dan ... st ... I mean Violette
-
-
I'd say keep writing.
I'm curious as to why Anfel has such a deathwish on his own people, but none on the bloods (Oh and I'd find another word for the dark side since bloods is an old, but actuall gang title) There's some editing and plot weaknesses, but its good enough to hold interest. One thing that iritated me was that after Anfel killed the three guards, they simultaneously fell, and then you re-enforce that with "Dead." I had already figured that by the "silenced eternally" comment.
As I'm always being told, don't insult your reader by telling him/her things he already knows, or should figure out him/herself.
Oh and a personal peeve lose the Tom Cruise crack.
I am interested in finding out who the new person is and whether she convinces Anfel not to die killing hios people, or if she joins him and trys to kill off her own. I'll be waiting to find out.
-
-
Thank you very much. You don´t know how hard it is to find critical reviews. I´ll look into what you said, though the blood name probably stays. The gang will just have to suck it up

Once again, thanks for the review
-
-
Hmmm....well i have to say...Very well written...
I have quite the competition...why did i agree to this... lol
and well it was interesting the way you used blood and the rainbows, the way i used mine is quite different lol
But i think you have won...Just like i said you would
And yeah hopefully soon my version shall be up
And You should continue your chapters!!!!!!!!!
(You can make them ones as long as you like
)
i guess i shall be a good sport and clapp this


-
-
And I think you will win
Thanks for da review.
-
-
This is really good. Ok, maybe not the best description of what I felt, but, it's an original idea, and its really, really good.

-
-
Thanks for the review. Really good works for me
-
















