“Oh look, it’s the midget again!” giggled Bonnie, pointing at me.1
“Forget about her! What am I supposed to do? It’s an emergency! I need a dress for the school ball! I need to go shopping this afternoon. Help me pick a dress!” wailed Lexi. They had forgotten about me in the next second and resumed talking about dresses in season and the hottest guys in school.2
Everyday, it’s the same. Always the same and always will be, always walking past the ‘popular’ girls in the corridor, always tormented because I’m smaller.3
“Oh, who do we have here? A midget! Let’s squish this midget!” Barry sneered aloud as I entered the classroom, making rude squishing sound effects. He pretended that I was ball of blue-tack, pounding it between his hands. A blush crept to my cheeks. I hurried over to my desk, making myself as small as possible, even though I was small enough to be unnoticed.4
“Dorielle, can you please hand out the textbooks? One textbook between two people, please,” Miss Wilson requested pleasantly. I gulped, “Not again!” Fear was racing rapidly through me. I rose from my chair shakily and gave Miss Wilson a pleading look. The class jeered, “Are you too scared to get textbooks, Dorielle?” Barry smirked, and punching his fist into his other hand. “Meet pain, soon.” 5
I mustered up enough courage and carefully walked over to the cupboard where the books are stored, avoiding some legs sticking out along the way. I grabbed an armful of books and slowly distributed them. I got a couple of glass-shattering stares. I missed Barry’s foot stuck out discreetly, and tripped. A roar of laughter rippled through the class like wildfire. I was on the ground, sprawled, with books underneath me. The teacher hurriedly helped me up, gave the class an icy stare and took me to the sick bay. 6
“I’m really sorry that happened again. I wanted to give you an opportunity to show yourself,” apologised Miss Wilson. 7
“It’s okay, don’t give me another. I can’t help that I’m abnormally attracting bad luck, bad luck must be in the blood,” I muttered, staring intently at the ‘Brush your teeth twice a day!’ poster across the sick bay. 8
“Come back to the classroom as soon as you’re better, okay?” She gave me a warm smile.9
“Okay.” 10
Not that I wanted to! I never wanted to return to class. I never, ever wanted to. I don’t know how I even got into this mess. My class is awful. They will purposely get me in any situation that will make me suffer, no matter how painful it may be. Last summer, they made me trip over a log when I was blindfolded and I fractured my ankle. It wasn’t too bad so I didn’t have to be in crutches for long. But the worst part was that I had to hop after Barry when he stole my crutches and more people made me trip again because I was unsteady in footing. Even if they didn’t stick their legs out, I’d still trip on flat ground anyway. 11
Memories….I sighed.12
Author notes
Notes with name choice:
Dorielle: “Small gift” French.
Bonnie: “Pretty girl” English.
The names are related to the character personality/appearance. eg. Dorielle is small but has a supernatural gift.
The title is a blend of 'supernatural' and 'dorielle'. I couldn't think of any other title! =)
In a list
Comments
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Lol, midget... I love that word. The words you need to fill in are in the brackets.
"They (had) forgotten about me..."
"The class jeered (,) 'Are you too scared to get (the?) textbooks, Dorielle?'" You seem to mix up the past and present at times.
Somehow, I really like this story... Maybe it wakes feelings and sympathetic thoughts in me. I can feel this girl's troubles, see the happengs in my head. It's really well written, simple, and that's what I like about it. Truly well done -
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Thanks for the comment. I sometimes do get my tenses mixed, but generally I do get them right. I haven't edited this piece yet, but thanks for pointing it out for me!
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Hey child
Your very first line caught my attention. Writing about personal experience makes an awesome piece of writing.
An applause for holding my interest until the very end.
Point-out time...
Remember comma before the quotation:
“Dorielle, can you please hand out the textbooks? One textbook between two people, please[.]” Miss Wilson requested pleasantly. (I also have suspicions on where you got the teacher's name from... am I correct?)
Try to fit a pronoun where possible or just leave out the extra repeated noun because the reader already knows what you're talking about:
I grabbed an armful of books and slowly distributed [the books].
The [] can alternatively be [them].
Used the wrong discrete/discreet: Barry's foot stuck out [discretely].
Overall feedback...
Looking forward to reading the next chapter. You've really given most of the introduced characters a clear personality that readers can come to like/dislike - another applause. Nicely done with the naming and good on you for writing a little author note explaining Dorielle's name. Was she born small?
E.
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Thanks for pointing out my errors! Less work for me to proof-read (=D) when I get to that point, but no, I'm not let off easy!
You'll find out more about the characters in the future! All will be revealed....patience little one =P
Dang! Did I make that mistake? o.O I was writing late at night, my fault!
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