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There was an air of romance. The room was dark when I felt him come inside. Tall, dark, and handsome, I love him so. Desire in his eyes, embers of the fire inside me begin to flame. I put the music on and he comes to me. I melt into his embrace. He holds me closely and my breasts begin to burn with passion. We dance to the music playing low. We float in ecstasy.2
He is my true lover. We dance every night in the early hours of morning while the stars are out and the moon is high. He whispers in my ear that he will always be my true love. The atmosphere of the room is charged with electric sparks of madness. Deeply, insanely we love each other. Nothing can separate us during these moments we share. 3
I feel his hand slide down to my lovely ass as his excitement builds. We dance for a time as he gently squeezes there. He feels my soft tits and presses his leg between mine, as I slide my leg between his. My whole being burns inside from the sensation of his caresses. Repeatedly he kisses me. His kisses are sweet and gentle. He never rushes. He torments me as I want to be taken. Deeply he kisses me. I love every moment and his love for me I know is great.4
Finally when I feel I can stand it no longer and I have danced all that I can, I feel that I could erupt inside at any moment. He lifts me in his arms and carries me to our bed. I feel I could burst apart at any time from the tension which is building in me. He opens my robe to reveal my nakedness. I help him disrobe. I am pleased to see his hardness.5
Firmly yet gently he begins to caress and kiss my breasts. I moan from the attention he gives to them. Playing with my already sensitive nipples. His appetite for me pleases me deeply and my body responds as my first climax releases. Smothering me with kisses he still toys with my bosom. The he slides down my body and sucks my nipples again with more fervor. His vacuum demonstrates his need for me and I gladly give myself over to him. He kisses and licks my navel.6
Going down further, he massages my tummy and pubis. Nearing my treasure, he licks around the petals of my flower gently tormenting me. He plays with my pleasure bud and I explode again, my whole body shudders as my orgasm releases. Driving me insane with pleasure stimulating my sensitive button, he enters me with his tongue. Eagerly he drinks up my nectar with great suction and force. I am pleased that he likes it so. I enjoy making my cream for him. Orgasm after orgasm rack my body with sensual torture, I love it.7
Finally he moves back up to my lips and kisses my mouth deeply. Oh! how he is almost suffocating in his desire. He guides himself inside, slowly and powerfully thrusting. Caressing my breasts, he drives himself fully into me. I gyrate my hips to his motion and he loves it. Tensing and relaxing the muscles of my vestibule, I feel him plunging with his large rod. My arms tightly around his waist, I love him. He is everything and more than I have dreamed of. At last I feel the splash of his liquid blasting inside me. For sometime after he continues to thrust for my pleasure. Then still inside me, he rests on me holding me in his arms. He kisses me and then we rest together.8
After a while, he leaves as he must. I put my vibrator back in its drawer and wait for his return the next early morning. I sleep peacefully like a child knowing my phantom lover will always be true.9
Author notes
Warming up the winter.
A contest entry
- This Blight, I Call it Boredom... by La Maravilla.
175 points, ended May 15, 2007, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Warm up this Winter with Some Steamy writing! by yumesandman.
260 points, ended December 11, 2007, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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Well, i don't usually read this sort of stuff and it is not my kind of read, but i went ahead and read anyhow and saw the complete funny side of the whole thing. This was written extremely well and you kept up the tension to the very last when you revealed just what was going on. Very clever boy you are. I thought it flowed quite good and kept the reader (me) interested to the end. I shan't say i can read too much of these things, but for one, i was impressed. (I'm into war and science fiction myself). Tops!
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Thanks
Thanks for reading this in spite of the fact it is not your type of material. I'm glad that you found it amusing. I've got a sci-fi story you might like. It's a novella. It has some American politics in it, I don't know how familiar you are with out political system. If you'd like to try it out, I'll give you the link to the list.
Andy
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...Wow. That is creepy. I was going "uh huh, okay" with the whole thing until I read 'vibrator' then...wow. I did not see that coming. =D
There were a few things I did not like though... Using slang like 'tits' and 'ass' seems to take away from the scene. You used really flowery language in some parts, which happens to be my pet peeve when I read stories like this. Though, the flowery language did help to create what seems like a really desperate, possibly older, widowed woman.
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Thank You
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. It seems that you didn't really like this story. You didn't like the slang or the flowery language. The twist at the end caught you off guard. That's good, that was the object of this story.
Andy
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What I liked about this story was the twist at the end. It was not what I expected, although I had gotten the feeling that something was going to happen. That's what makes for good writing of course.
Hopefully constructive criticism?
I have never heard of breasts burning, so that phrase intrigued me.
It was very romanticised, yet I still found some of the phrases odd, but that could be a personal thing. - "Licks around the petals of my flower" as an example. I cannot help it, the 'flowery' language of some erotica just makes me cringe.
Finally, to finish it off i'd go through and edit it carefully, as an example:
"Firmly yet gently he begins to caress and kiss my breasts"
would read better as 'Firmly, yet gently, he begins to caress and kiss my breasts'. It is mostly commas that I think need to be added, wherever appropriate.
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Thank You
Thanks for stopping by, reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. I hope you like this story. It does need some work.
Andy
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Wow Very good writeing love it
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Thanks
Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm glad you like this story.
Andy
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great job
this is so descriptive its awesome and the ending twist is just too funny -
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased that you like this story and that you found the ending humorous.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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Bravo!!!
This was great! A surprise ending! Though this kind of story usually isn't my thing, i enjoyed it from beginning to end. The ending was the best though...didn't see it coming I can't wait to read more of your work...already read a couple and they all sparked something in me. WELL DONE!!
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Thanks again
I'm very pleased that you like this story. I have written a lot of horror, crime, and/or erotica. I am trying to break away from those genres, but being in a habit of writing them, they come easily and other genres do not. I'm currently co-writing a crime novel with gerifitzsimmons. It is coming along pretty well.
I'm glad you like my stuff. What do you usually like to read?
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I appreciate it.
Andy -
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I usually read paranormal fiction...and the sappy side of me likes romance. Good luck with the novel...lots of hard work ahead, but i doubt you will have trouble!
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this is such a cool story with a awesome flip at the end! i just had to laugh a little! great write!
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased you like this story and glad that it gave you a laugh. Thanks again.
Andy
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lol sorry I had to laugh at the comment below ~ are we not all amature's here ~ I would love to help out ~ I will read it a little more in depth this weekend and let you know my thoughts ~ sound cool
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Thanks
If you decide to rewrite it, I'll make you co-author and we'll try to sell it.
Andy
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Very amusing, but could be better
I think this idea is very cool^_^
I have a lot of suggestions though. Sometimes your style/language seems a little bit annoyingly amature. Like just for example in the 2nd paragraph: He whispers in my ear that he will always be my true love.
You should definitely change that to 'I' will always be 'his' true love because it would sound much more realistic.
But besides that, I absolutely adore the overall enviroment you painted, about being in love and dancing in the early morning, and then the humorous twist at the end is simply priceless...lmao
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Thanks
I appreciate your suggestion. Thanks also for reading, commenting, and applauding. I need to give this story a rewrite. In fact, I guess all my stories have room for improvement.
Right now I'm working on a novel with gerifitzsimmons, Secret Radio Murders. Most of my effort is being spent on that.
I'm glad that you like the ending of this story.
Andy
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I love the imagery in this piece very descriptive - congrats on your trophies well deserved
I also like how you handle critique ..... Touche
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I'm glad that you like this story. It has received mixed reviews. The story I've written which has received the most trophies is Dark Fury. That is probably because it has been around a long time and entered into many contests.
Andy
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Though sometimes stilted, it flowed well. Choice of words could have had more thought though, as some parts of this are executed well and others not so well.
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Doesn't seem that you like this much.
Hope you like the next story you read better.
Andy
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Wondeful story. Great choice of words, and the romance is breath taking. Keep up the great writing.
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Thanks
Congratulations for becoming a greeter. Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. I'm very pleased you like this story.
I hope you like being a greeter.
Andy
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I'm used to reading erotica and found some of the words you used to explain the "private parts" and some sensual actions to be quite odd. It kind of broke the mood your story is probably trying to portray. Good try though but more research is probably needed. Good luck in the contest.
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. You are usually critical of my work, let me know when you find something you like. It would be nice to think I did something right. Thanks for wishing me well in the contest.
Andy
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^_^
I have to say what I liked a lot about this is that it reminded me of something I wrote a long time ago called "Lover", save my phantom lover was a song rather than a good ol' reliable vibrator.
I liked it over all. I would definitely suggest, though, going through a looking at the language you used to describe naughty bits. You've got this beautifully written story with very elegant sentences, and then words like "ass" and "tits" thrown it. Those kind of ruin the feel of it. On the other hand, later on you get TOO flowery with your language (in fact, you pretty much start referring to the girl bits as a flower). Being artistic about describing those areas is great, just be careful not to over do it or it becomes cliche.
Lines to rethink: "petals of my flower", "sensitive button", "pleasure bud", "nectar", "my cream", "my vestibule".
I liked the ending with the vibrator- it made me giggle. -
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Thanks
How would you describe the naughty bits? I'm always interested in better ways to describe them. I'm glad you like parts of this. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.
Andy -
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Personally, I would pick one or two words for each area and stick with them, and pick words along the lines of what you're writing. For example, if you're writing something fairly dirty and very "in your face" I would suggest words like "pussy" and "cock". But for something a little more romantic, like this, "manhood"/"member" and "core"/"being" are a couple of ideas. (Darn, now I feel dirty for writing that, lol).
It takes some practice to get used to finding the right language, but I'm sure you'll pick it up!
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Awww I enjoyed this, especially the last line. Great way to make it all seem so sweet and sensual, instead of rough like how these kind or erotic stories usually are. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading, commenting, and applauding. I appreciate it. It was fun writing this from the point of view of a woman. Was it convincing? I'm very pleased that you like this story.
I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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well written and an unexpected ending! very sensual, very good. however not at all what my contest called for, sorry.
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Thanks
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it. Thanks also for hosting this contest. I hope you have many good entries and much fun.
Andy
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vow
surprised at the end! It was well written and I thought of commenting as the story was really decent and it has a beautiful and candid description which could very easily create the impact.
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it. I'm glad that the ending surprised you and that you like this story. Thanks for stopping by.
Andy
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unexpected ending, very
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Thanks
Thanks for stopping by, reading, and commenting. I really appreciate it. I am quite pleased that you like this story.
Andy
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I really enjoyed reading this, it was very good. haha, it's kinda funny when you think about it. Dancing with a vibrator...-giggles a bit- Anyway, this was sweet and...well, strange considering what was going on, but it was good. I don't write Erotica, for one because I think it would be better written if I had experienced the feelings first. Otherwise, how do I know I am getting them right? For another reason, I am only 16, so my parents probably wouldn't be to happy with me writing something like this . Anyway, I will have to read more of your stuff, you are really good ^.^
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and all the applause. I really appreciate it. Most of my erotica is horror/erotica. This story happened to be an exception. I'm glad that you like it. I write in a lot of genres. I am trying to expand my craft.
Your parents may not like you reading this type of story, but that is between you and them. I am glad that you enjoyed reading this story. Thanks again for reading.
Andy
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Some Inconsistent Description up top!
She dances with a Vibrator? ("He whispers...")
A talking Vibrator? Wow. What will they think of next?
GA -
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Thanks Gary
Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate you stopping by. The man in this story is a phantom. He is entirely fantasy except for the vibrator. Surely it didn't confuse you. Did you like the story?
Andy
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Hello again, Andy: GREAT ENDING! I suspected something on account of the title, but the middle was so lifelike I really thought there was a fhesn and blod man there, and I was truly surprised by the end. Another thing that I find admirable is that being a man, you were successfully able to adopt the point of view of a woman. (This is something that I find very liberating about writing. I can be whoever I please and I can say and do things that I could otherwise never say or do.) But there are two things that I must mention for the next time, and of course I am speaking for myself. "He holds me closely and my breasts begin to burn with passion." Things don't work this way. The burning is further down... And a woman, unless she is quite narcissistic, would not refer to "her lovely ass". Thank you for another good writing lesson.
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Thanks Anaya
So the burning is further south. lol Oh well, she seemed to have a good time, anyway. Thank you for pointing out my errors. I will try to remember to change it up when I do a rewrite. I'm glad that the ending surprised you. I enjoy pretending to be women characters. Of course, I enjoy getting into most of my characters. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Andy
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wow
Lol..ok first of all i just love the 3D image on top of it ..its really great made me smile!..lol pleasures of being a gold member huh? anyway..I really like the way this was written..in a poetic kinda of way with such a warm atmosphere I definately felt something from this...great job!..thanks for entering! -
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Thanks
I believe that a silver member can upload a gif image just like this one. A gold member can upload multiple images. Thanks for hosting this contest, for giving me another chance, and for reading and commenting. I greatly appreciate it. I am very pleased that this story moved you. I hope you have many fantastic entries and much fun.
Andy
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Very Good!
This is a very good story. Just one question: was it supposed to be a poem? Because it sounded a bit like one. Anyway, great job, and good luck in the future.
~Jennae
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Not really a poem.
This story is not really a poem, but I am glad that you felt the prose was poetic. I take that as a compliment. However, this story is classified as erotica. You must be fifteen or older on this site to read it. On your author's page you said in reality that you are only ten. Please change your age to your correct age in the author's information. It is necessary that I refer this to a moderator.
Andy, greeter.
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Ay dios mio
This story is the first in depth Erotica in my contest that I've read all night. I knew you'd enter my contest and I'm glad you have and I'm glad you chose this story!
All the while I was thinking it was her lover, her husband, boyfriend, whatever...but apparently not it's a VIBRATOR *gasps and covers mouth* I'm not sure if you meant that to be comical, but I giggled a little.
This was really good and well written (you never fail to deliver on that notion) and I could picture EVERYTHING! And then after the whole VIBRATOR surprise, I went back and re-read with the vibrator in mind. I chuckled a little at the thought of a vibrator carrying her to her bedroom.
As always, a remarkable read and one, despite my previous deterrence of Erotica, that I very much enjoyed. Thanks for entering and good luck! -
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Thanks
I am very happy that you like this one and that the vibrator surprised you. It was intended as a surprise and I am glad that I got away with it. Thanks for hosting this contest and for reading and commenting. She has an active fantasy life and is apparently content with it. I am also glad that you found humor in this piece. I hope you have many good entries and a great time with this contest.
Andy
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I Liked it lots I rele Liked the point of veiw
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Thanks, Blackwings
Thanks for reading, commenting and all the applause. I am glad that you like the point of view in this story. I am also pleased that you found it enjoyable. I really appreciate you stopping by.
Andy
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Intriguing
Wow. That was good. Intense. I liked it. Thank you for sharing it. I never anticipated it being a BOB. Great writing in the woman's point of view. haha
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Thanks, Jeri
Now maybe I can remember to associate you with PurpleRainbow. It is fun to try to write from a woman's point of view. Didn't know they were called Bob's. Was she a convincing woman? I hope you had fun reading.
Thanks for reading, commenting and all the applause.
Andy
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Haha! I liked the surprise at the end. I'm impressed you could write from the POV of the other gender. Another good piece.
xoxo
Kelsey -
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Thanks, Kelsey
I managed to surprise you. Good. That was, of course; the intent. It was fun trying to crawl into the mind of my woman character. I'm glad you felt I did well. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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this is very different. i liked it, to be sure, it's not bad, it's just different.
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Thanks
Thanks for hosting this contest. I hope you have many great entries. I am glad that you like this story. I hope it isn't too different. Thanks for reading and commenting.
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Hot!
Very erotic while staying tasteful, very little cliche. The end was a total surprise to me I had to laugh, not that your story is comedic, but at how easily I was taken for a ride. Very devious of you! As they say, some women are much better off when left to their own (mechanical) devices !!!
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Thanks
With this story, I knew where I was going to go when I started it. Some stories kind of direct themselves. I thought the title might give it away, but the title seems so right for it.
This woman does seem quite satisfied on her own. In fact, by the end you wonder if a real man could make her as happy.
Forgive me for the trick I played.
Andy
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That was very good. Very interesting twist at the end, I liked it! It was very well written. *claps*
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Thanks
Thanks for reading, commenting, and applauding. I am glad that you like this story. Did you anticipate the ending? I tried to make it a surprise.
Andy
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Beautifully written... Love the sutle erotic hints and yet that of love... Great imagery also.
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Oops.
Just realized you are the contest host. Thanks for hosting the contest and I hope you have many good entries.
Andy -
Thanks, Rose
Thanks for dropping by, reading, and commenting. I really appreciate it. I am pleased that you like this story.
Andy
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Its hot!!!!!!!! Liked the detailed work
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Thanks, Sabu
Glad that you like this. Thanks for reading and commenting and applauding.
Andy
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This is a very well design, developed, and executed story. It employs an interesting and unique approach towards the telling of what would normally seem to be a well worn story idea. The reader is completely taken by surprise to realize that she has just made love to a machine and not to a real person. Nice technique and execution here.
The only difficulty I had as a reader was that I tripped over the timing and use and understanding of two words in the story. That of "vacuum" and "vestibule". They both just seemed to cause me a momentary eye trip and blip on the understanding radar as I was reading the story.
Another feature I liked about the story was the fact that you achieved the same level and degree of arousal that my entry did but you did so without the use of any dirty words. Nice style.
Paul -
You have done a wonderful job, writing from the point of view of the opposite sex isn't easy, I admire that you gave it a shot, someone commented than a women cannot feel when a man orgasms, I beg to differ, it can indeed be felt and can then heighten the pleasure. You have either done a great deal of research into the subject of a women masturbating, or you are very intuative. Well done
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Thanks
So you feel this is plausible? I am glad. I guess it stems from what I have read, mostly. This is probably my best effort at erotica. Thanks for the reassurance that the story is believable. Thanks also for the applause.
Andy
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Ok...
I do think you need a womens touch, One can not feel when a man cums in her. Also No woman can cum that quickly and often even with a vibrator. But I wish
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I hate to be argumentative, but a woman absolutely CAN feel it when a man has his orgasm inside of her, and when I play with my BOB, it only takes a matter of seconds sometimes.
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Thanks, Penny
You are the first to bring out that a woman couldn't feel the splash of a man's come. I see that I will have to do a rewrite. As to her coming, it is all just her fantasy with a vibrator; so the timing of her fantasy would be hers. No telling how long she spent with the vibrator or what else she might have done. It is just that her lover is a phantom.
Andy
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brilliant
Woah...that ending came right out of the blue.
Does not say much for we men. well done.
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